Page 164 of Into These Eyes
Staring at my phone as the time ticks by, I don’t see a single thing that scrolls past on the screen. When it vibrates and rings in my hand, I almost drop the damn thing. But that’s not what has my heart knocking hard against my chest. It’s Jamie. Which means they’re heading back.
“Hey, gorgeous,” I answer.
“Hey. I’m hanging back so they can’t hear me, but you’ll see us in about five minutes.”
“Okay. I’ll be here.”
“You will?” she asks, the hope in her voice obvious.
“No promises on what the outcome might be, but I’ll try.”
“I love you,” she says so easily, so openly, as if she’s been saying it for years.
“That’s one of the main reason I’m doing this.”
She’s silent for a long moment before she says, “There must be a lot of good in the man if Mum was willing to break apart our family to be with him. Just … try to remember her last words. Open your heart.”
“I’ll try, J. I really will.” And because of her, I mean it.
It’s not long before the trio emerge through the trees. When they make their way back to the seat where my father waited earlier, he glances my way, but I don’t acknowledge him. After giving Jamie a hug, he holds Anika tighter, and she returns his embrace with enthusiasm.
Good for her.
As the sisters take a seat, my father heads my way.
I don’t want to watch him approach. I don’t want to look at his face. So, I lean forward, rest my elbows on my knees, and stare at my phone like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. That doesn’t stop my heart from crashing against my sternum, my brain tearing in two. Do I keep my distance to protect myself? Or do I put my trust in him and risk that he might betray me again?I’m not sure I could survive that sort of crushing blow a second time.
Too soon I hear footsteps in the grass, then he takes a seat beside me. The silence stretches out as my heart pounds and my hands tremble. Instead of looking at him, I raise my head and stare into the distance at the two most important people in my life. I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t bring myself to pull my gaze from my girls. They ground me, stabilise me. Even so, my body’s a statue, frozen between what might never be and everything that might be.
After what seems like an eternity, my father says, “Anika’s not backward in coming forward, is she?”
Smart. Neutral ground. Probably a good idea. Heart thundering so hard I’m surprised it hasn’t scared the birds from the branches above us, I finally open my mouth. “No, she’s certainly not.”
More silence. I wonder if he’s waiting for me to elaborate, or if he’s just as lost for words as I am.
“She was angry at me at first,” he offers.
“Why’s that?” I still can’t bring myself to look at him, but I’m finding strength as my gaze connects with Jamie’s. Even across this vast distance, I know she’s filled with hope.
“Because I didn’t claim her as my daughter at the time,” he explains.
“And what did you tell her?”
“I told her I’d considered it, but it wasn’t the right thing to do. She already had a family. She’d just lost her mother. How would ripping her from the only life she knew, the people she loved, be any good for her? So, I put my selfishness aside. I’m not sure if that decision was the right one or not. She told me how cold Brian Evans was to her, and now we know I left my daughter in the care of a killer. The man who murdered the love of my life … the man who let you take the fall.”
Without thinking, I turn my head and look at him. Not for long, just a glance. Enough to see tears rolling down his face as he stares back.
“It seems, though,” he continues, “she has a sister whose heart’s big enough to make up for the love Evans refused to give her. That’s Mattie all over.” He takes a deep breath. “Christ, I can see parts of Mattie in Anika, but Jamie … it’s like seeing a ghost. For a moment there, when I first saw her, I thought shewasmy Matilda."
“Not the eyes,” I say, wanting him to know she’s not his dead lover’s ghost. She’s very much alive, and she’s mine.
“Sorry?”
“They look similar. But not the eyes.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ll never forget her mother’s eyes … how they looked when I tried to comfort her … how they looked when she died.”
