Page 189 of Into These Eyes
She releases my arm, but doesn’t move away. I take that as a good sign.
Reaching in, I hold the snub-nose by the handle and inspect the chambers. Empty. Worried there might be more bullets amongst the tissue paper, I remove it all and stare at a folded note at the bottom of the box.
I pluck it out, shove the tissue paper back in with the gun and set it aside. When I glance at Jamie, her eyes are fixed on the note. Letting out a breath, refusing to hide anything from her, I unfold it.
Gav,
You didn’t know it, but this gun had two purposes.
A couple of bullets meant for the problem.
Then one for me.
That’s how I had it planned out.
Then the plan changed. I looked at that gun every night, ready to put that bullet in my head. Then I’d tell myself ‘one more day’. And every day you were either with me or badgering me on the phone. You’ve shown me I’m not alone out here. Seeing you so happy, so in love, has given me something I never thought I'd have. A sense of peace, like everything's right with the world, and I don't want to miss out on any of it.
So, I don’t need the gun anymore.
Just know, you’re the reason I’m still here.
You changed my mind without even knowing it.
Thank you, Son.
Benny.
I stare at the note, taking in the words, turning them over in my mind. My gut churns, thinking all the times I thought he wasn’t doing well, that something was wrong behind all his assurances that he was fine.
When I look at Jamie, she’s holding a hand over her mouth, tears falling freely down her cheeks. After a moment, she clutches my shoulder, her lips trembling as she forms the words, “You saved his life.”
I shake my head. “No. He helped save mine.”
She kneels on the couch beside me and cradles my face in her palms. As her thumbs ghost across my cheeks, I notice a cool, wet sensation.Fuck. I’m shedding tears, too. “Gavin, he’s given you the gun and the bullet he was going to take his life with. You changed his mind.”
“No,” I tell her, determined she know the truth. “This is the gun Benny believed I was going to kill Reid with. The gun Benny thought he was going to take from me, and shoot Reid again, so it’d look like he did it … so he could go back inside.Thatwas his plan. And I let him believe it. I had no idea he was thinking of using that gun in an entirely different way.”
“No. Read it again,” she says, tapping the note. “It says …” She freezes, her face contorting with confusion as her gaze travels from the note to me. “What did you—”
Her hand drops from my face as she shuffles back, stands and takes a step away from me. Her whole body trembles as she crosses her arms over her chest. My gut’s no longer just churning, it’s now sinking deep into the couch cushions.
I place the note in the box, set it all aside and wipe my palms on my jeans. But I don’t stand. I couldn’t bare it if I tried to getclose to her and she retreated. So, I remain where I am and look up at her, willing her with my eyes not to flee, to just let me explain.
“You’d better start talking, Gavin, because I don’t like the way I feel right now.”
Heart hammering, I place my hand on the couch cushion she just vacated. “Will you sit?”
She shakes her head. “No. I’m about to jump out of my skin. Speak.”
“Okay,” I sigh and drag a hand down my face before finding her eyes again. “First of all, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. Right from the start, I should’ve told you.”
“Told me what?” she snaps, her patience clearly wearing thin.
“Years ago, Benny devised a plan, and I made him believe I was on board. He knew I wanted Reid to pay for what he’d done to me, wanted to make sure he couldn’t do it to anyone else. And Benny needed to stay in prison. It’s been his home for forty years, his comfort zone. He didn’t want freedom. I’m sure you know about prisoners being institutionalised?”
She nods.
“So, Benny thought it’d be a win-win. I’d get my revenge by killing Reid and Benny’d be right there with me, ready to take the gun and fire it a second time so forensics could prove he pulled the trigger. I’d disappear and Benny would go back to prison.”
