Page 198 of Into These Eyes
No matter what, it can only ever end in pain. Whoever gets left behind to endure it is a total crapshoot.
I contemplate the idea of pushing her away, or simply disappearing so I can avoid this inevitable agony in the future.
For about two seconds.
I could never deliberately cause her that much pain.
When I imagine her walking into this room, I know I’ll see guilt and fear in her eyes. And I can’t have that. None of this is her fault.
When her eyes meet mine, I want them filled with love. It’s my job to put it there, to keep it there. I know that’s selfish, but I don’t care. When she looks at me that way, she makes me soar.
As I close my eyes and drift back to sleep, I know I’ve learnt something significant about myself.
My love for her far outweighs the pain of losing her.
Chapter 47
Jamie
SIXTEEN HOURS EARLIER
Shattering glass brings me out of sleep like a sharp slap to the face. I sit up, trying to focus in the dark as I reach for Gavin.
My hand finds empty sheets containing only a trace of warmth.
That’s when I hear a male voice. “Merry fucking Christmas, arsehole.”
Every hair on my scalp rises to attention. I know that voice.
Jarrod.
As quietly as I can, I slip out of bed, my feet carrying me toward the open door.
“Jamie! He’s here! Don’t come out!” Gavin yells. I freeze. My stomach clenches. He sounds scared. Panicked. Totally unlike himself. Whatever’s happening out there, his voice sends chills down my spine. “Get Bennie and the Jets!”
What’s he—
A roar of anger fills the house, and something underneath. Apop. I hold my breath, heart skittering and stuttering in my chest.
A loud crash comes from the hallway. Next, I hear grunting and shuffling feet. They’re fighting. Then anotherpop.
If I go out there, Jarrod will see me. There’s no way I can make a dash for the backyard. And there’s no way I’m leaving Gavin.
“Benny!” Gavin’s voice quavers. “Get Bennie and the Jets! Get Benny!”
“I watched that worthless piece of shit leave hours ago, arsehole. Give it up,” Jarrod says, his voice strong, confident. The voice of a man in control.
Oh, God. Has he shot Gavin? Is that what those pops were?
Get Benny.
Get Bennie and the Jets.
Benny and the Gun.
The gun.
Get the gun.
