Page 78 of Into These Eyes
Chapter 25
Jamie
I’m pathetic. I’ve done exactly what I promised. Instead of going home, I’m sitting in a McDonald’s ten minutes from my house, staring through the rain-speckled window, wondering what the hell I’m doing.
And wondering why, more than being afraid, I’m disgusted with myself. It hurt when Gavin rejected my offer. But once he explained why, it made perfect sense. After spending the day with both men, it’s easy to understand how much they mean toeach other. And Gavin’s loyalty to the older man only adds to the respect I have for him. He’d put Benny’s wellbeing over his own wants and needs. When I think of the men I work with every day, I know not one of them would do the same.
Gavin Lake is special.
He proves it every time I’m with him.
Which explains why I’m disgusted with myself. After he explained his rejection of my offer, that should’ve been the end of it. But, oh no, I had to go and make him feel guilty.
Believing he’d jump at the chance to get out of that caravan, my plan had been to show him the threat after he agreed. There was the risk he might not want to put himself in a situation that might turn dangerous, but I thought I had a pretty good handle on him when it came to protecting me. According to Gavin, even a simple walk from my car to his caravan requires an escort.Protection.
When he accused me of trying to hide something from him, my brain went into overdrive, and I made a quick decision. I wouldn’t lie to him. I couldn’t disguise how that threat rattled me, but I hadn’t told him about it to make him feel guilty enough to change his mind. I’d told him because that’s what friends do. Right?
But is that the only reason? Or does it have something to do with the way he looks at me like he actually sees me? The way he studies my eyes, my expressions, as if he’s trying to learn the meaning of every reaction? I usually keep everything locked in tight, but the fact he can read me so easily means there’s no hiding from him.
Butterflies take flight in my stomach, and I can’t decide if that’s terrifying or incredibly attractive.
I need to get a grip. I shouldn’t be sitting here, keeping my promise not to go home until I hear from him. As far as I can gather, there’s only one reason he’ll believe it’s safe for me to gohome. He’s trying to find another lawyer to represent him so I won’t be a target.
Staring down at the salad I’ve barely touched, I can’t see how he can accomplish that feat at this time of night, let alone find a lawyer willing to take him on so quickly, or without having to pay a retainer.
After checking my phone again, I turn my attention to the noise and chatter around me. Families. Everywhere. As I scan the restaurant, I discover I’m the only one sitting on my own, the only idiot who comes to McDonald’s and orders a crappy salad. I wonder, if my mother had never been murdered, if my life might resemble the people around me. Would I be married and have a couple of young children by now?
An aching loneliness I’ve kept buried for far too long pierces my heart. Blinking rapidly to stop the sudden tears from falling, I stare through the water-streaked window into the darkness, forcing myself not to alter my focus. I don’t want to see the miserable reflection of that lonely woman staring back at me.
I should go home. Really, I try to convince myself, I’m not that scared anymore. But when I think about climbing into bed and lying alone in the dark, my skin crawls and my heartrate kicks up a notch.
My heart kicks up another notch when my phone dings.
Gavin: Go home, Jamie.
That’s it?
I stare at the message for a full minute, waiting for more. Nothing.
I consider calling him and asking what’s changed, but I don’t think I want to know the answer.
After making a short dash to my car through the torrential downpour, I drive home.
When I pull into the garage, I stay in the car with the doors locked, scanning every mirror to make sure no one slips in before the garage door reaches the ground.
Satisfied, I hurry inside, turning on every light I pass until I’m in the bright kitchen.
I almost scream when a loud knock comes from the front door. Hand to my heart, I wonder if it’ll stand up to a few swift kicks.
The knock comes again. It doesn’t sound threatening, just loud. Slipping off my heels, I silently cross to the door. I don’t dare look through the narrow glass panel beside it. Instead, I rise on my toes, inch toward the peephole, and pray there isn’t an eye staring back.
Soaking wet, with a large duffle bag at his feet, Gavin stands on my small porch.
A wave of utter relief sweeps through me as I drop my heels and rest my forehead against the door. But it only takes a few seconds for the guilt burn a hole right through my chest. What has he sacrificed to be here? What about Benny?
Taking a deep breath, I unlock the deadbolt and open the door.
We stand there, staring at each other for a long beat.
