Page 146 of Cerulean Truth
The words were out of my mouth before I could stop it. I was lashing out. And I was horrible.
As soon as I saw Emma’s reaction, I knew I’d gone too far. Her face paling, tears pooling in her eyes, her lips quivering…. An instant tsunami of regret washed over me, but the damage was done.
“Fine!” she snarled, tears spilling over, “I’ll get over myself right now, you don’t ever talk to me again! Whatever we had, it’sover! I don’t want to see you anymore, I don’t want to hear you anymore, you go back to whatever life you had before me and I’ll figure this out on my own. I don’t needyou!”
She turned around without another word, slamming the door on her way out.
THIRTY-NINE
EMMA
I sprinted through the corridors of the Winter Palace, not knowing where I was headed, but the urgency to put some distance between myself and James drove me forward at full speed.
A pathetic bundle of disappointing attempts…
How could he? Using all my insecurities, my vulnerabilities, to purposely hurt me?
As I reached my dorm, tears and snot were freely flowing and I wanted to go… Where was I to go? I frantically grabbed my bag, digging for my Nexus. In the haste and commotion, I realized I had left it in the training room.
As I dashed back, heading toward the dreaded room, I vowed I would never set foot in it again. It marked the end of James training me; the entire endeavor had been a disaster from the start. As I raced through the halls, a montage of shared moments with James flashed before my eyes. Every time I believed there was something real between us, even if unspoken, now seemed like a mirage. Had it all been in my head?
By the time I arrived at the training room, I was still full-on sobbing, and with blurry sight from all the tears, I started seeking for my damn Nexus, which was nowhere to be found.
“Looking for this?” James asked softly behind me, holding my Nexus.
I looked up at him with watery eyes and ragged breaths, but before I could answer, he uttered more forcefully, “I’m so sorry Emma, I didn’t mean it, I was angry and I lashed out.”
Really, he was taking it all back like that? Like he never said it?
My utter sadness turned to rage as I stuttered, “Oh well that’s easy enough, isn’t it, but that’s not how this works, you saida lot, and there’s no way it was all untrue.”
“It was all untrue, I only…” he started.
“You said I wasn’t special, you said I don’t really know you at all, and you said…" I swallowed, the weight of his hurtful words settling like a stone in my chest, "I’m justa pathetic bundle of disappointing attempts at being someone I’m clearly not cut out to be."
The tension in the room amplified with unspoken pain, leaving behind the wreckage of shattered trust and hurt.
“I didn’t mean it,” he snapped.
“Then why did you say it?” I yelled, my hands gesturing wildly, like a madwoman.
He stared silently, opened his mouth as if to answer, but closed it again and took a step closer toward me.
I raised an eyebrow, indicating I wasn’t budging on the question nor letting go of my anger.
“Well?” I demanded again sternly, my voice trembling with a mix of betrayal and frustration. I saw my left hand shaking, and I prayed James wouldn’t notice.
He still didn’t answer but took another step closer, his eyes never leaving mine. We were now standing but a few feet apart.
I shook my head, making ready to leave, and wiped away my tears with my sleeve. The vulnerability I tried so hard to conceal was now on full display.
But before I could turn away from him, he grabbed my arm, without uttering so much as a word. His mere touch sent an electric current through me, a painful reminder of the attraction I still felt for him so deeply. His eyes wandered to the chills on my arm, a clear physical manifestation of my emotional mayhem.
I looked at him, unsure what to make of his actions.
“Let me go,” I whispered in a hoarse voice, but I could feel my eyes pleading him not to. My entire posture shifted, a silent invitation for him to come closer, aching for his touch.
The attraction between us was almost tangible. My hunger for him radiated throughout my entire body, and I was yearning for whatever he was willing to give.
