Page 206 of Cerulean Truth
"NO!" she yelled, desperation evident in her voice. "Please, James, listen. I don't want the bond with him! I didn't do anything!"
She didn't understand.
I swallowed. "You don't have todoanything, Emma, to form the bond. You only have to want it. That's it."
She started to cry, her tears cutting through the tension. "James, you must believe me. I didn't want it. I really didn't."
I laughed harshly, a bitter sound. "Well, we have certain proof that's the biggest lie of all because without you wanting it, it can't happen. And it did."
She kept crying, her sobs heart-breaking. "James, I swear, all I was thinking was that I didn't want it! There's no way I gave him anything! I don't know, maybe he forced it?"
I laughed humorlessly again. "Trust me, that's not it. Do you have any idea what you're accusing him of by saying that?"
"No, I barely understand what happened! All I know is that I didn't want and still don't want the True Bond with him, so yeah... he... could have, maybe? Forced it?"
"He didn't... you would know," I sighed, the weight of the situation heavy on my shoulders.
"How?" she pleaded, agony evident in her eyes. I could see her turmoil, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Not anymore.
"Because you'd be in terrible pain, Emma, that's why! You think someone can invade your mind, your soul, violate your entire being without you feeling that? Without you physically and emotionally suffering? You wanted him to bond with you, and now you did."
"I swear I didn't!" she insisted, water streaming down her face.
"You're lying," I replied dryly, pushing aside the well of pain in my heart.
"I'm not," she sobbed, her voice choked with tears.
I almost lost it.
"Emma, you can't form the fucking bond without wanting to! You form it by simply willing to bind yourself to another forever. Guess that makes it pretty clear where I stand..."
"What does that mean?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
"You know damn well what that means!"
"No, I don't."
"Fuck, Emma, just tell me!" I blasted.
"Tell you what?" she shrieked in despair.
I couldn't hold it in any longer. All those weeks, watching them from afar, hearing them up close, all those nights wondering, all those days in agony—Ihadto know.
"Are you in love with him?" I roared, barely containing my rage.
Her eyes grew bigger than ever before. "What?? No! Why would you even think that? That's absurd!" She shouted, almost insulted.
"Absurd?" I bellowed back. "You formed the True Bond with him! How is that me being absurd? You practically married the guy!"
"No, I didn't!" She shouted even louder. "I don't even know how I did that!" Her desperation for me to understand was clear in her tone, but I had no idea how to comprehend something like that.
"Well, you did!" I barked. "He certainly did, and you allowed him to. All the while, I was actually coming to propose to do the same for you, and you chose him!"
And there it was, my actual reason for all the anger, laid bare for both of us to see. She fell silent at my confession.
"You were?" she whispered, her voice soft.
I nodded, unable to find words anymore.
