Page 207 of Cerulean Truth
She swallowed and took a step toward me. "I'm so sorry. Please believe me when I say I never meant to allow him access. I swear I don't know how I did that. I didn't want that, I didn't choose that. I wish it had never happened, and I'm truly sorry! I want nothing more than to take it all back. I wish that never happened!"
I could hear the sincerity in her voice, but I still couldn't bring myself to care about her feelings, when mine were all consuming.
"Hey, don't be sorry on my account. It's your life. I don't give a shit," I replied dryly.
"Really? You don't give a shit?" She asked, with disbelief and irony in her tone.
"No, I don't!" I snarled. Gods, she was just the most aggravating woman I hadevermet!
"Then why are you yelling at me?" She asked with the ghost of a smile on her lips.
"I'm not!" I answered sullenly.
"Oh, so this is your inside voice?" She raised her eyebrow. Ihatedit when she did that.
"I'm yelling because I'm frustrated with you!" I shouted.
"Why?" She asked in hushed tones again.
I was exhausted; caring for her was draining, and my whole life since meeting her felt like a constant struggle. I simply wanted to put an end to this millionth fight of the month.
"Just... get away from me, Emma. Seriously, get the hell away. I can't even look at you right now," I snapped as aggressively as possible.
But she wasn't budging. Instead, she took a step even closer to me. There was no scaring that woman.
"But why?" she persisted. "I mean, if you don't give a damn, why can't you look at me?"
I didn't have the energy to answer. And honestly, I didn't have the answer anyway. I certainly wasn't going to tell her how I felt about her, moments after she chose another guy over me in the most intimate way possible.
The silence between us grew, while she took another step closer.
Now standing close enough for me to smell her perfume, see the little drops of sweat forming on her forehead, I could barely breathe with her standing so close. Realizing all I wanted to do was what I had been desiring since that first moment we met. But I couldn't let it go.
I sighed. "Just tell me, are you in love with him?" I knew she had answered that already, but I needed her to say it again.
She took one more step closer, now only inches away.
"No," she whispered, "he'snot the one I'm in love with."
I stared into her eyes, and she met my gaze without blinking.
"He'snot the one who strips me of all that I am with just a single look..." Her words started to sink in, and the ache around my heart slowly began to lift.
Her eyes remained fixed on mine, holding my gaze with an air of expectation, as if she hoped I would understand exactly what she was saying. And I did. I grasped the depth of her words, sensing it deeply, and having yearned for it all this time. I had longed to hear those words from her for so long, but now... now they were tainted by the betrayal, and I couldn't view them in any other light.
"He'snot the one," she repeated softly, staring at me, saying so much more with her eyes.
I could feel my insides turning, and I wanted to run away from all that I was feeling, but I was rooted to the spot.
She reached out to take my hand, but I couldn't move. I was still trying to wrap my head around this True Bond between her and Julian. How was I ever going to get over that?
She was still holding out her hand, glancing at me with all the hope of the world in her eyes. She stood literally before me, offering me... well, what? He already took her mind...
"He already has your mind," I said in a hoarse voice, barely recognizing it as my own.
She nodded. "I know," she said softly, her voice thick with regret, "but he doesn't have my heart..."
It struck me then and there, after everything we had been through, that that was all the truth I needed. I had her heart, but more importantly, she had mine. I knew it, I had known it all this time, and still, I just couldn't let it go.
