Page 15 of Overdue Feelings
“Hey, you still with us?” I touched Gigi on the hand, causing her to blink slowly.
“Where else would I be?” Her voice was sharp again.
“Good, come on. Let’s eat before you blame me for the chicken getting cold,” Creek said as I sat down in my usual spot beside the woman I loved.
“Here.” Creek handed me the hot sauce. She knew I had to have a little kick with my food.
“Thank you, baby.”
She nodded, smiling at me. The kind of smile that didn’t need words but said everything I needed to hear. I tapped her thigh under the table as Gigi mumbled something about how folks always forgot to bless the food.
I looked around the table, and my mind drifted to a time when Gigi used to make a plate for anybody who showed up with an appetite. Back when dinner meant Ares’s folks, my family, and everybody squeezing in all at once to enjoy a meal together. It hit me then just how much of my childhood was shaped by this kitchen. This table. Ares and Creek.
Creek leaned into me like home as Gigi tried to butter her cornbread with the back of a spoon. It was all so familiar, but still, something felt off. For the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel complete. A piece of the puzzle was missing, and just like clockwork, out the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse through the kitchen window. Ares, walking past slowly, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He didn’t look over. Just kept moving, hands buried deep in his pockets, as he stared at his old family home. He was part of those dinners too. Part of my childhood memories, and even if I wouldn’t say it out loud, I felt the gap his absence had left behind.
“You’re going to have to face it, Bro. The past. Him. Her feelings. Yours. Y’all need to hash it out.”Zee’s voice rang out in my head as I took a bite of my chicken wing.
“Soon,” was all I could whisper under my breath.
I didn’t meanto end up in front of my childhood home. I was just supposed to be going for my nightly run. I didn’t even realize where my feet were taking me until I saw the house; the one my grandfather had bought decades ago; the one we’d lived in long after his death. My feet slowed, and I came to a stop right in front of the walkway of my childhood home. I stared at it, and my heart grew heavy as I took in the condition.
It was obvious that nobody had lived here in years. My father had sold it after we’d moved. I never knew to who. I just always assumed it would be taken care of. As I sat here looking at it, it was clear that it hadn’t been. The porch was damn near falling in. The gutters were hanging on for dear life, the paint was peeling, and weeds had claimed the entire yard.
Still, despite all the ugliness, the memories lived. I stood there with my hands in my pockets, staring through time, remembering how Zae, Creek, and I used to play school on the front porch and ride our bikes down the hill. A simpler time, before responsibilities and success consumed me.
I moved through the front yard and took in the entire neighborhood. There was once so much love here. Dinners at Gigi’s or Zae’s could fix damn near anything. I should have stopped walking, but my feet kept moving me forward until I was making my way up those worn stairs and through what was left of the front door.
“Damn.” I spoke out loud as the thick, dusty air met me. The boards on the windows were barely allowing any light to shine inside. I grabbed my cellphone and turned on the flashlight to brighten the space.
“There you are,” I said, taking in the front room. It was empty, but the walls still held the same shade of muted green. I walked deeper, running my hand along the wall where my growth marks used to be, and a lump rose in my throat. I hated to see it like this. This place had waited for someone to come back and see it. For someone to give a damn, and the messed up part was that no one who was supposed to care had cared for years.
Quickly, I turned to leave, making a beeline for the front door. I’d seen enough, and I could barely stomach the sight of the house that held all good memories looking the way it did now. I pulled the broken screen door shut behind me just as the sound of laughter drifted through the air. I didn’t need to look up to know who it belonged to. That laughter was echoed in my memory.
Still, I glanced up, and there they were. Creek and Zae, walking Gigi up her steps. She was leaning against Creek’s arm, laughing like she hadn’t survived two strokes. I kept moving.Didn’t speed up. Didn’t slow down. Just crossed the front lawn without looking back. Both Creek and Zae had made it clear they weren’t interested in patching up what we used to have. And truth be told, I couldn’t blame them. I glanced slightly at Gigi. She looked really good for someone her age. Despite a few more gray hairs and a slightly slimmer frame, she was exactly like she had been twelve years ago.
“Well, I’ll be… Louicius?” Gigi’s voice cut through the air. “Boy, come on over here. Don’t make me come and get you.”
I stopped in my tracks. That name. She wasn’t wrong, not completely. I was starting to look more like him every day. I turned around slowly and was met with Creek’s eyes already on me. She was unreadable. I glanced over at Zae, and his jaw flexed like he was biting back all the shit he wanted to say. I brought my attention back to Gigi. She was grinning with her good hand waving me over like I was welcome.
“Come on over here, baby, let me see you,” she said. “You know better than to walk past me like I ain’t raised you.”
My feet moved before I could think twice, and all of a sudden, I was eleven-years-old again running across the street at the sound of Gigi’s voice.
“Louicius, I can’t believe it’s you,” Gigi said as I approached the sidewalk.
“Grandma forgets,” Creek said, looking at me and then back at Gigi. “This is Ares. Louicius is his daddy.”
“Hush, girl, I only forget little things,” she said, patting my cheek with a wrinkled hand. “I know who this is. I know them Knight eyes anywhere.”
Her touch grounded me. It reminded me of my grandmothers’ touch and made me feel like somebody’s grandchild again.
“I ain’t expect to see you here,” Zae said. It was the most words he’d said to me since day one of my arrival. I looked between the two of them.
“Didn’t expect to be here either,” I admitted. “Ms. Eddie mentioned my grandma’s old house at dinner, so I figured I’d walk by and see what shape it was in.”
“You’re staying over at the Harvest Rose?” Creek asked. Her tone was polite but guarded.
“Yeah, first place I saw when I popped back up.”
