Page 21 of Overdue Feelings
He let out a long breath. “I want peace, happiness. The kind money can’t buy. The kind I had when I was a seventeen-year-old kid. The kind I had when I was with y’all. But I’m not here to force anything. I just… miss being part of something solid.”
I stared at him. Not because I didn’t believe him, but because I did, and that made this harder.
“I don’t do second chances. You walked out on our friendship, and I made peace with that, but C…”
Ares didn’t move. He just let me say what I needed to say, so I continued.
“I had to put her back together. I had to be the one to sit with her when she couldn’t get out of bed. When she wouldn’t eat. When she cried in my arms.” His jaw clenched. I saw the guilt settle deep in his chest. “I was there, and you weren’t. And that hurt more than you breaking the pact.”
“I know.” He didn’t say it like it was an excuse or some fuck-ass cop out, but like it was the truth. “I think about that every damn day.”
“Good. You should.” I took a deep breath. “But you standing here now not running, not deflecting? That’s more than I expected.”
“Better late than never, right?”
We both fell quiet again. We weren’t kids anymore. I was a man… One in love with a woman who still hadn’t let go of the one in front of me, and maybe I was finally grown enough to admit that she didn’t have to. I scratched the back of my head and nodded toward the house.
“Come over for dinner tonight.”
“You serious?”
“Creek’s cooking. You bring the drinks. It’ll be a good opportunity for you two to talk.”
“I don’t know, man. Creek barely says anything to me.”
“She just needs a little push. I think it’s time we all heal.”
“Alright. I’ll be there, but if she stabs me, it’s on you.”
We laughed. I nodded and cut back on the lawn mower. We didn’t shake hands, didn’t hug, didn’t say some dramatic shit like, “I’m proud of you” or “I missed you.” We just went back to the yard, side by side... like no time had passed between us.
I looked forwardto Saturday mornings at Gigi’s. Kicking back, watching our favorite TV episodes, and braiding Gigi’s hair so she could freely apply her wig was the peace I needed after herding children all week. Today, though, my peace was being interrupted by laughter and the sound of Ares and Zae outside appearing to get along.
I glanced up from the braid I was working on and stared out the window. Happiness and maturity shouldn’t be disturbing me so much, but it was. I stared at Ares and Zae as their shirtless, sweaty bodies moved around Ares’s grandmother’s front yard. It started out as Zae going over there to offer Ares a bottle of water and somehow turned into Zae pushing a lawn mower while Ares trimmed the hedges. It was a sight to see, and as annoyed asI was, I couldn’t look away. The way both of their backs were flexing had my panties becoming moist.
“Don’t be getting heavy handed now.” Gigi turned her head to look up at me. That was the sign I’d been staring too long.
“Sorry, Gigi.” I forced my eyes back down to Gigi’s scalp and tried to focus.
“I tell you. You always get heavy handed when you distracted.” I pressed my lips together and kept parting, not wanting to admit that I was indeed a distracted mess. “It’s them, ain’t it?”
“Who?” I asked, trying to act clueless, but Gigi gave me that grandmother’s side-eye. The one that saw through every lie I ever told. She always had a way of reading me down and clocking my tea. I could never keep much from her.
“I always knew y’all had somethin’ different.” Gigi ignored my cluelessness. “Even when y’all were kids. The three of you moved like you shared one heartbeat.”
I kept braiding her hair, listening because I couldn’t form any words.
“Folks used to whisper,” she continued. “Had all these opinions about how a girl shouldn’t be that close to two boys. Or how two boys shouldn’t be that close to each other.” She paused, then chuckled under her breath. “Mrs. Johnson even had the nerve to compare y’all toThree’s Company.”
I chuckled but I didn’t interrupt. I just let Gigi talk. It was calming my nerves.
“I told ’em all where they could go.”
“No you didn’t, Gigi,” I blurted through my laughter.
“I sho nuff did. Love don’t always follow the rules people understand. Sometimes, folks just connect, and it don’t need no damn explainin’.”
My heart pounded in my chest as I took in her words. It was no secret that people were judgmental of us. I’d been called fastgrowing up more times than I could count, but knowing that my grandma saw what I’d been ignoring all my life before I had did something to me.
