Page 3 of Overdue Feelings
“Are you sure?” he asked again.
“No.” I laughed, breathless. “But I’m still saying yes.”
He kissed me again, deeper this time. He peeled off my wet panties, and his thumb slid over my clit, like a promise to take care of her. We moved slowly. He took his time, whispering into my skin, telling me I was beautiful, that I could stop any time. I didn’t want to stop. Even when it hurt. Even when I teared upand he kissed the corner of my eye and held still until I nodded to keep going.
The lights and sounds of the bonfire buzzed outside, but in that little tower, time stopped as Ares moved inside me telling me how long he’d wanted this. How much he loved me. How he didn’t want to leave anymore.
“I’ll tell my parents in the morning,” he whispered into my ear. “I want to stay. I don’t want to leave you.”
“Please stay,” I moaned into his ear. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I believed him. I believed his words. Believed that sharing my body with him would keep him in Harvest Hills.
“I’m not going nowhere.” He kissed me just as he finished, and I closed my eyes. That was the last thing I heard as I fell asleep in his arms.
The sun woke me up, and the realization of what Ares and I had done, what he’d promised me, flooded my thoughts. I sat up slowly. A blanket was draped over my naked body, but the space beside me was empty. I could feel my chest tightening. My eyes darted around the room, confirming what I already knew to be true. Ares was gone, and the only remnant of him in the room was a folded piece of paper taped to the wooden wall of the clubhouse. My name was scrawled on the front. The friendship bracelet I’d made him in fifth grade was pinned to it. I leaned forward and ripped it down. I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes. My fingers trembled as I opened it.
C,
I didn’t want to leave like this.
Last night was everything. You were everything. I meant what I said. I wanted to stay, but this morning came fast, and my parents were already waiting. I couldn’t figure out how to say no. They expect me to go off to Howard and become a big fancy doctor. I can’t let them down.
I know what we shared last night changes things. With you. With Zae. I hate that I might’ve broken something I can’t fix.
I left the bracelet because I don’t feel like I deserve it anymore. Not after this.
I love you, C. That’s the only part I know for sure. Always have. Always will. Take care of yourself, Zae, and Gigi.
-A
My breath left my lungs before I finished reading. I pressed the note to my chest as my heart broke. He was saying goodbye for good. There was no we’ll text, or we’ll talk on the phone. He was ending our friendship. The tears came fast and silent. I’d given him my virginity, and he was leaving me behind. I didn’t have the strength to get up and go home.
I just laid there on the floor, heart shattered into a million pieces, and sobbing my heart out. I was crying so hard I didn’t even hear my phone buzzing. Slowly, I flipped open my cellphone. I had several missed calls from Zae and a couple of texts that all said the same thing.
Zae:
You good?
The door to the tower cracked open before I could respond, and in walked Zae.
“C.” He saw my face, saw the crumpled note, saw the blanket covering my naked body. “I got you.” He rushed to me, joining me on the ground. He slid the hoodie lying close by over my head and pulled me into his arms.
“I gave it to him,” I said eventually, voice hoarse. “I gave Ares my virginity.”
“I know,” he whispered.
“And he still left.”
“I know.”
I turned into him, body shaking with the weight of it all, and he held me like he’d done it a hundred times before.
“It’s okay. I got you, C.”
Twelve YearsLater
We were going to be late for the first day of school.
“Zae,” I moaned, gripping the edge of the kitchen counter, my night gown raised up as he pounded inside me from the back. One slow, deliberate stroke after another. “I have morning drop off duty?—”
