Page 11 of Choosing Her
“That's just the thing,” he said. “There are no other math tutors. That’s why we needed you.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You’re telling me that in this entire school, there’s not a single other student who can help him? No offence, sir, but I find that a little hard to believe.”
“He needs help with grade eleven math,” Coach Anderson said.
“So ask any senior,” I said. How could they possibly have come up with me as the best option out of the whole student body? The only reason I’d already taken the math class he needed help with was because my parents had forced me to get ahead. Between that and deciding out of the blue that they wanted me to start tutoring, it felt like they’d been playing the long game to set me up with Crossy. And honestly, if Iwasn’t one-hundred-percent positive that they didn’t know him, I wouldn’t have put it past them to do it.
“We have very few seniors available to tutor,” Coach Anderson said. “What with senior year being so busy. And the few that we do have already have students they’re working with and we can’t expect them to change now.”
But you can expect me to drop everything to help a boy who rejected me? No thanks.
“Please, Saylor,” Crossy said. I knew better this time than to look at him and his big, brown eyes that could convince me to do anything. With the right look, he could ask me to do anything and I would say yes, over and over again—and that was exactly the problem.
“I can’t,” I said, keeping my eyes trained on the floor. “I’m sorry.”
Before either of them could ask me again, I turned around and walked out, knowing that if I stayed and let him ask me one more time, I might just say yes.
CHAPTER 8
saylor
“I don't get it,”Poppy said. “If your parents want you to do it this badly, why didn't you just say yes?”
I slowly guided my horse, Bourbon, toward the side of the outdoor arena where she was sitting on top of the fence. Her feet were dangling and knocking into each other every couple of seconds, while the wind was blowing her brown hair everywhere. Looking at her now, you never would have guessed she’d never been within fifty feet of a barn before she met me a year ago. Now, she liked to come and chat with me while I was riding all the time. She wanted me to teach her to ride so we could go on the trails together, but I knew I would not be a good teacher—the same thing I needed to get through the thick skull of Caleb Cross.
“Why would I say yes?” I asked. I tightened my grip on the reins as I thought of the the way Crossy had looked at me in his coach’s office, like he was so desperate for me to say yes to the absurd idea of me tutoring him. “I mean, it’s Crossy. I don’t even like sitting next to him in class, why would I subject myself to that in my free time too?”
“But why?” Poppy persisted. “I mean, is he really that bad?”
Even though Poppy and I had been roommates last year, back when the whole Crossy fiasco had happened, I neveractually told her what went down at New Year's Eve. Everything that happened that night had felt so special that I didn’t want to risk popping the bubble by telling anyone about it and having them not react as well to it as I had. I thought it was safer to keep it close to my chest, to keephimclose. And then, when I realized he was never going to call me, I realized it was for the best that I hadn’t told her. It wasn’t just about keeping the good memories pure in my mind—it also spared me from the embarrassment of dreaming about a boy who clearly didn’t like me back.
And then when he came flying back into my life so suddenly in the summer and told me that we should just forget it ever happened because he loved Naomi now, I knew I was right not to tell anyone. Some things just weren’t meant to be shared.
But back then, I hadn’t known that she would started dating Crossy’s best friend and wonder why I hated Crossy with such a passion.
“I just don’t want to work with him,” I said. “Isn’t that enough? Besides, it would take up all of my free time.”
“Well, how much tutoring does he need? I know math is hard, of course, but it’s not that insane. He shouldn’t need tutoring like five days a week or anything.”
I steered Bourbon to trot diagonally across the arena and used that as my excuse not to respond, until I was coming back around to her side again. Because the truth was that I didn’t have a good reason to say no, other than that I didn’t want to spend time with him. If he was any other student, I would say yes easily. That was me: Rebecca Saylor, who bent to her parents’ whims without a fight. I was sure it didn’t even occur to them that I might say no because I never did say no. It was the same reason Mrs. Gao had told Coach Anderson that I would do if before even confirming with me. In what universe would the answer be anything different?
“You want to know what I think?” Poppy asked. I didn’t point out that I wouldn’t have told her about this if I didn’t want her opinion, knowing the question was rhetorical. “I think Crossy really likes you, and you like him, and you’re just avoiding him because you’re scared of that.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumbled. How could she? I’d never told her any of it. But she didn’t know the way he’d wormed his way into my heart so easily on New Year’s Eve—or how he’d broken it in the summer with those four simple words.
I love Naomi now.
Why should I give up my free time to tutor someone like that? She was wrong about him liking me. A boy who liked me wouldn’t hurt me like that.
Not that I wanted him to like me. If it was up to me, we would never spend time together again. He would become a distant memory for me, one of those people that were so easy to hate because all you remembered of them was the worst parts. Because when I saw him every day like this, it seemed like my mind and body refused to forget the good. All it took was for his arm to brush mine and I would remember it all—the thrum of the party around us, his lips on mine, his fingers digging into my hips, the fireworks going on above our heads like they were celebrating us. Worst of all, I’d remembered thehopeI’d felt for the future. And it always took stepping away from him to remember how it all went wrong.
“What would your parents say if you decided not to do this?” Poppy asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. It would blow over soon as they moved on to their next brilliant idea for my future, but what about until then? They would definitely be angry, but it was hard to say how much. What I did know was that if I said no this, I wouldn’t be able to refuse their next idea without making themextremely angry—angrier than I was willing to deal with. And who knew what that next idea would be? What if they suddenly found a boy for me to marry as soon as I finished high school? Or picked my college major for me without any input? Was it possible that doing this would be the lesser of two evils?
I kept mulling it over as I walked Bourbon back into the stable and put my saddle away. What would happen if I said no to this, and had to give in to something much worse?
As I came out of the tack room and came back to Bourbon, I stopped in my tracks when I saw Crossy petting her.
