Page 44 of Daughter of the Dark Sun
The thought of her hard-faced father sent a spasm of fear through Apattar. Adrenaline coursed through her body, knees buckling with the surge of emotions.
This will be my grave.
A foolish end for an even more foolish girl. Deluded and alone with her festering thoughts, hearing a voice whispering of hope but only leading to doom. What good did it ever bring?
Alone with only her growing regrets, Apattar couldn’t help but wonder if she had made everything up. Was the pale woman she met in Andeshar even real, or a mere figment of a broken mind desperate for something to believe in? Was Ninann right? Was this an elaborate descent into madness before she lost control? Apattar would write her dark ending, refusing help and pushing away the only one she ever loved. Her heart roiled with emotions, choking on tears begging for release.
Caught in a storm of questions and regrets, she did not hear the soft footsteps approaching from behind. The gnawing void pulled Apattar further into despair, spiraling out of control, ready to consume and hollow her out until nothing remained. Her thoughts slipped into the blackness, taking more memories of her time in the light of Ninann’s smile.
The lightest touch on her shoulder pulled the world back into focus with dizzying clarity. Blinking as if waking from a dream, Apattar stumbled to her feet. A light brown hand covered in dozens of tiny scars and burns reached out and turned her around.
“Oh—oh! By the Seven, itisyou! My lady, oh gods, what happened to you?”
The figure threw off a black cloak crawling with shadows. There, under the moonlight, stood the ever-faithful handmaiden Saiya. The sight of Apattar’s only friend left sent a flood of reliefthrough her. The first kind face she had seen in almost a month lit up like the sun when Apattar turned.
Apattar’s lips quivered. A single hot tear snaked down her scarred cheek.
“Saiya,” she breathed, unable to say more.
“I can’t believe I found you!” Saiya’s arms flew around her mistress and squeezed tight. “Your sister, she told us what happened when we got to port at Apathren. It had only been a few hours. I thought you might have gone to the oasis we visited once at night. Myris stayed behind, she thought you’d come to your senses and return. I found a Gateweaver; he opened a portal to the oasis for me, but you weren’t there. I thought you dead! How could you do this?” Saiya’s voice changed from shocked to upset, both anger and worry seeping into her accusations. Why would Saiya care so much about her? They were friends, true, but only because duty first bound them together.
“I di-didn’t me—” Apattar rasped before bursting into a coughing fit. The air clawed at her fragile throat, tongue so heavy she could barely swallow.
“You need to drink. Here.” Saiya pulled a waterskin from over her shoulder and uncorked it. She held it up to Apattar’s mouth and let the water dribble in, each drop a gift of everlasting life, precious beyond compare. Choking down the water until she had her fill, the raven-haired woman squeezed a bony hand around Saiya’s arm in thanks.
“Yo-you are my favorite person right now,” Apattar stammered. “I can do without food, but oh, water is a precious thing! Gods, I can think again.” Apattar stood and wiped her mouth, now able to process the fact she stood in front of Saiya. “Wait. How did you even find me?”
“No! It isn’t what you think, I’m not a spy or anything, I promise. I want to help you, my lady. I-I…” She paused, hazeleyes flitting back and forth, studying Apattar. “I am not who you think I am. Who anyone thinks I am. By all rights, I shouldn’t be alive.”
Apattar’s brow furrowed. She thought back to all the strange moments of connection through the years.
“It’s not possible,” she murmured.
Even as Apattar spoke, the strange shadows at Saiya’s feet sprang to life. They leapt up and danced around the older woman, curling around her arms and legs. Where once Apattar saw a reclusive and oathbound handmaiden, she now saw the woman as a kindred spirit. Dozens of little moments fell into place—how Saiya’s eyes would sometimes appear pitch black, the way her presence calmed the hungering void within, or how she always knew what to say, as if she could read her mistress’s mind.
Saiya spoke with a hushed voice. “My mother, she lost everyone when the sandstorm raiders came. The moon did not light up the sky when I was born, the shadows ruled and the gods set my fate. But my mother couldn’t bear to kill me when I came, said I had my father’s eyes. So she lied about my birth when she stumbled into Navlirin. No one knew, and why would they question it after the things she had been through?” Saiya paused, pulling more of the Shadow-weave around her, like a comforting blanket. Apattar knew the feeling all too well.
“I felt the Shadow-weave awaken with your birth. When the eclipse peaked, I heard a woman’s voice. She sounded like a messenger from the Undying Realms Beyond, the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard. She told me not to be afraid, said soon I would walk without fear in my heart. When I heard of the twins bornafterthe eclipse, I knew—somehow—that it was a lie. I begged my mother to let me offer myself to theMakhaeren,to prove myself worthy to serve your House. I loved you from the moment I saw you as a babe, but I never knew how to tell youwho I was. I tried to shield you from the worst of your father’s wrath and, well…” Saiya paused and rubbed her hands together. “I failed you before. But I will not fail you now.”
Apattar’s eyes widened as she listened to Saiya’s tale. Never before had she shared anything from life before entering into service with House Isht’iri. It all felt like too perfect a coincidence, yet something undeniable connected the two women. More than oaths, more than friendship. An understanding of each other no one else could have, save those who lived a life cursed by the dark moon.
Could it be true? Did otherevranenithslip through the cracks, shown mercy—some even undying love? Did they, too, hear the voice of the lost Dark Goddess, whispering at night, seeking revenge and justice?
“H-how did you find me?” Apattar choked out between the waves of shock.
“These shadows; I could feel your soulsong pulling at me. Not like aliraes, but like I could trace your location. The woman’s voice I heard once before came back, a whisper telling me you were dying and alone. I knew if I did not find you, I had failed in my task. I never asked the Dark Goddess to explain herself or my life, but I know it is tied to yours. We can break the cycle of this world, Apattar. I want to help you—I must!”
The hope in Saiya’s voice crushed Apattar. She felt it once, before she lost her sister and sense of purpose.
“I’m not that person, Saiya.” Her voice cracked with despair. “It’s all in my head, a sickness. This,” she gestured toward the shadows around Saiya. “This is the Shadow-weave. A cursed, tainted thing. I have seen what it does to people like us who live when they were not meant to. It brings death and destruction. Whatever voice I thought guided me sank back into oblivion. It is not the voice of a Goddess, Saiya.”
A shiver ran up Apattar’s spine as she spoke, a tiny part of her heart screamingthis is wrong!But she could not shake the feeling of Therat’s Shadow-weave thirsting for blood. Didn’t hers, too? Images of Tela flashed by; how, try as the young woman might, the urges proved stronger than her will. The festering black void held the whip. There existed no god, no destiny, no divine justice to be delivered. Only a sickness twisting and corrupting whatever it touched. Apattar realized her father spoke true all along—a knife to the heart was a blessing for her.
Saiya chewed on the corner of her mouth. “I know about Tela. The assassins and the bald brute who attacked you. You are not a monster, Apattar. You were young, hurting. Vulnerable.”
“What?” The word shot like an arrow from Apattar’s mouth. An invisible hand punched her in the stomach. The breath died on her lips, a rotten taste growing in its stead.
“This woman, the whispers. She told me many secrets. Some of herself, and some about the very strange deaths at the hands of a girl I knew. One growing in power, but lost and alone. One day, you will carve the vile hatred from this world. I know this in my soul. You are not cursed, Apattar! None of us are.”
