Page 47 of Daughter of the Dark Sun
It was now themorning of the fourth year of Apattar’s exile on Andeshar. Her twenty-fourth nameday passed two moons back, and with it, nightmares chasing sleep away.
Sometimes, it was a woman with glistening blackened silver skin, bound and gagged in a pool of silvery-blue blood. Her eyes would plead as a hand descended, the bright white blade inching closer and closer to her quivering breast. Other times, there was nothing but the crushing dark void. Voices whispered in an unknown language until looming icy blue eyes appeared. Each night, Apattar awoke drenched in sweat with a scream in her throat, a blade of fire and ice ripping through her mind. Saiya would calm the trembling woman, wiping away the damp fear as she sang a lullaby until Apattar fell back into a dreamless sleep.
Uneasiness built with each passing day. A sense that her return to the world was long overdue.
Apattar walked to the edge of the eastern tower ramparts and leaned out, basking in the sun. The warmth paled in comparison to the desert she once called home. A frustrated sigh escaped pursed lips.
Twisted nightmares and dreams impossible to understand obscured the path ahead. Apattar made peace with the idea of fate, hatred of the gods assuaged by Saiya’s unwavering faith in spite of the life given to her. She expected some divine sign, a message from Laisha, anything. Instead the nightmares came and her hope wavered.
“Mistress… my Goddess, Lady Eithranren! I don’t know what to do! I don’t understand your messages. Where are you, where are you?”
The wind ripped the words from her throat and bore her pleas away to the West. For years, the musical voice of Eithranren nudged and guided the woman, encouraging her to explore the Shadow-weave and learn secrets lost to time. But now she fell silent again, Apattar alone since her nameday.
Each morning drew the raven-haired woman to the eastern ramparts, looking out at a life left behind. Somewhere in the far East, her sister grew in power. Had the little dove bound herself to Adon yet? Jealousy and anger flashed by as the thought of the man who always smiled came hurtling in. Ninann’s constant companion now. Apattar wished she could blame him for destroying their bond.
As her sight rested on the creamy oranges melting into a soft, blazing red orb, thoughts strayed to the man with stormy gray eyes and a heart crawling with the Shadow-weave. Therat intruded more and more of late. She could not understand why he pulled at her heart, why she saw him and wanted to hold the man walking under the influence of Death. Nothing good couldcome from confronting a half-crazed man. She told him once she would find him again—was it her insanity reaching out, trying to take control?
Apattar let out a sigh of resignation. As much as she hated to admit it, if fate pulled the strings of her life, then she could not ignore Therat. She could not change the inexorable will of the gods—she understood this after many long years of denying it to be true. Overthrowing centuries of superstition and falsehoods would never be an easy path. If it took Apattar to Therat, she must walk it.
It would be a difficult task to find the shadow-bound man in the endless golden sands. Even if she did, what then? Hours wheedled by as she weighed how to approach the man she knew to be unpredictable, at best. How would he react to the truths she brought? Apattar wondered if the whispers of Eithranren ever spoke to him. Would he believe the Dark Goddess did not curse the night?
By the end of the evening, all thought bent toward Therat. Apattar recalled all she could of the man and the glimpses of memories she saw. The whispers that warped his mind, calling for the world’s ruin. A suicide attempt he hid in shame, and a night from his childhood so evil even he did not acknowledge the memories.
Apattar wished she could ask Eithranren why the Goddesses fated them together. Why each night Therat found her dreams, pulled her in while begging for a tender touch. He could be a tool, she saw the use there, but alover?A cruel impossibility. She was broken, the word ‘love’ meaningless.
“Something troubles you tonight, sweet girl.” Saiya’s lilting voice stirred Apattar out of contemplation.
The two sat atop the western watchtower, observing the stars with little said between them. It was a comfortable silence. Long gone were the days of endless chatter. Apattar came to enjoytheir quiet evenings, finding solace in the presence of her most trusted friend and ally.
Apattar shook her head, dismissing the detailed image of Therat she conjured in her mind. She stood and looked to the east.
“You know me well,” she sighed. “Our Lady Eithranren. She has been silent for too long now. I thought if I lingered, She might return. But what can we know of the gods, dead or alive? I’ve relied on the whispers long enough. I cannot seek retribution for the injustices of this world and restore our Lady by idling here.” The words crawled out, Apattar loath to voice what she knew to be true. “I mean to return to the desert. There is something I must find out.”
“But Apattar!” exclaimed Saiya, fear thick on her tongue. “You said so yourself, you would be executed if theMakhaerenfound any trace of you. I am certain after my last mishap in the city her hunters can track your harmonic manipulations. It is too dangerous to leave now! There must be something else, our Lady would not send you to certain death, of this I know!”
Apattar wanted nothing more than to agree with Saiya and sit back down. But this place kept them both in limbo: one foot ready to walk the path of fate while the other stayed firmly planted in the safety of their home.
“Yes,” she replied after a time. “But anything worthwhile in this world is dangerous, Saiya. Our very lives are a testament to this. What are we doing here? We cannot hope to find shelter forever. The world continues past the eastern horizon, even if we do not will it so. When we first came to Andeshar, I would have been all too willing to blind myself, cowering in fear masquerading as freedom. Yet I cannot deny what our Lady Eithranren has shown me over the years. She is growing in power, the void prison melting around Her. What if… what if we can make a god live again?”
“You are right, of course you are. But why there? Why go back to the place that almost killed you? I don’t understand, but you need not tell me. I trust in you, Apattar.” Saiya sniffled as she spoke, choking back tears threatening to burst forth. “If anyone has a hope of changing this world, it is you. Do what you must, but be careful. Please!” Saiya stood and squeezed Apattar’s hands. “I do not know my purpose if I was to lose you.”
Apattar laughed. “I would not be vanquished so easily,maí sa’iri.There is someone I seek, someone who may yet aid our cause. You have your freedom, I do not command you. You know this, yes?” She crooked a thin finger under Saiya’s chin, lifting the woman’s gaze to hers.
“Trust in our Lady. She may be silent now, but we can still act. You are a better Weavetracer than any I know, you should go find others like us. They must be out there. I feel it in my bones. Bring them here, make this place a haven for theevranenithif you need a purpose while I am gone. I trust you completely.” The words did not feel entirely her own, as if for the briefest of moments their Goddess came to give one final direction to her faithful daughters.
Saiya smiled and dabbed the tears away from her eyes.
“I could do that. I feel them, too, hear the whispers of their music in the wind at night. But when will you return? I could not bear to be away and miss you for longer than need be.”
Apattar had not thought of her return. In truth, she only knew Therat still wandered the vast desert. It could take years to comb through the endless miles of sand and barren rock.
“I cannot say for certain. I hope my path will become clearer with time.” As she spoke, Apattar pulled a small band of gold inlaid with crimson rubies from her left hand. It slid off her thin finger with ease, gems flashing like droplets of blood under the stars. “I once received this as a blessing from one I held dear long ago. I pass it to you now, a blessing from one daughter ofLady Eithranren to another. Use this to call me home if you are in dire need. Hold it tight and say my name, and I will come as fast as I can.”
Apattar slid the ring onto Saiya’s thumb, a perfect fit.
“I don’t deserve such beauty, my lady,” she gasped, slipping into old formalities as years of forced submission took hold. Hazel eyes widened in surprise, drinking in the sight.
“Shain’sa!You are my sister! Beholden to the same mistress who blessed both our lives. Never have I felt a kinship like the one I have with you, even… even my dove.” Apattar stumbled over her last words, unable to think about Ninann without a tangle of grief and agony rising. “You are my family, Saiya. It would be a nightmare to wake up and find you forever gone from my side.” She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Saiya’s forehead.
