Page 57 of Knot a Tie
His words have floored me. Okay, I was already on the floor, but now I’m even lower. “What?” I pant, catching my breath when the adrenaline of the fight wears off.
“I’m asexual, James. I don’t feel a sexual desire to anyone at all.”
I blink, at a complete loss for words.
“I never told anyone,” he whispers. “I didn’t knowhowto form the words or even know what it all meant. I thought I was broken, but when I looked into it years later, I found out who I am. I knew then that there was no way I could come back, even if I missed your fucking face and Spence’s dumb arse. I’m no prime alpha, Jay. I’m no alpha at all. I needed to leave. I needed you to take the reins and bring the new pack members in. Take this pack and make it strong and powerful. You did.”
“The fuck?”
I’m so confused, I shake my head. I ignore the praise he’s doling out and focus on the most important thing he’s said.
“I know you just had sex with Rayne. I can smell her all over you, for a start, but Christ, this house isn’t that big. What you’re saying doesn’t make sense unless you just what? Gave her what she wanted?”
“No,” he croaks out. “No, I would never do that. I couldn’t. It’s not a choice, Jay. It’s a fundamental part of who I am. But with Rayne…she makes me feel all the things that I never could before. I’m scared to stay in case it goes away, and I have to reject her. But more than that, I can’t. Her father has me over a barrel, and I won’t hurt her by staying. I guess there must be another term for what I am. I don’t know. I’ll look it up when I get over the hurt walking away from her is causing me.”
“Rich,” I murmur, all of my anger washing away at his utterly defeated attitude. “Why didn’t you just tell me? We could have worked something out. I’d have taken over as prime to save you the pain, but you just left. You leftme. It hurt, still does. I’m hurt that you didn’t think you could trust me to help you.”
“I didn’t want help, James. I wanted out.”
“What does her dad have on you?” I change tactics. Surely, we can work this out.
“Everything. He knows exactly who I am and what I’ve been up to the last few years. He offered me immunity to help bring down Mick and his crew.”
“But that’s agoodthing,” I interrupt him.
He shakes his head. “It’s also contingent on me not re-joining the pack. He wants you for his daughter, but not me. I signed a contract. It’s done.” He hauls himself to his feet and staggers towards the door. “Take care of her for me. She deserves everything you can offer her.”
“Get your arse back here,” I growl, standing up. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
“I have to.”
“How can you just walk away from her?”
His sudden sob as he reaches the door, takes me aback. “It’s what’s best for her. Tell her I’m sorry.”
“Rich,” I call out, but he’s gone. I can’t force him to stay, as much as I want him to. I really thought Rayne would be enough to make him stay, but he’s throwing himself on the sword to protect her.
“Fucking prick,” I mutter and then spin abruptly when I hear her voice filtering down the stairs.
“So he really left?”
Our gazes meet, hers cloudy and sad, mine furious and confused.
“I’ll get him back,” I state. “He doesn’t get to walk out a second time.”
She nods slowly, a tear falling down her face. She runs down the stairs, dressed only in a white fluffy towel and flings her arms around me. “Please,” she begs.
I hold her close, falling for her even more as she places her trust in me.
“I’ll get him back,” I say again, pulling back slightly to look into her eyes again.
She blinks, the tears that were pooled, spilling over and onto her cheeks. I’m frozen in place as our gazes lock. She rises on her tiptoes, placing her mouth to mine, flicking her tongue over my lips.
“Rayne,” I moan, using every ounce of willpower that is inside me to push her away.
“James,” she whispers, biting her lip.
I shake my head and turn away before I ravage her, forcing her onto my knot that I can feel throbbing at the base of my cock. She has just thrown me into the rut.
