Page 58 of Sugar Baby
“Cain.”
I don’t answer her. What’s the point?
She sits next to me, and this time, I move over so that I’m not drawn in by her sweet aroma.
“Talk to me,” she says quietly. “I can’t process your anger if I don’t know the whole story.”
I want to tell her to get fucked, but it’s just my hurt lashing out. It’s what I do. I strike so that I’m not struck. I can’t go through any more pain in this lifetime. I’ve been abandoned, beaten, broken, used as a slave, an ashtray, and a whore more times than I can count, and I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t take any more pain.
Hoping that if I ignore her, she will go away; I’m in for a long wait. She sits quietly, not saying anything else, not trying to comfort me or shout at me. She just sits and waits.
After a length of time, when it’s either talk or walk away, I make a choice.
“Yes,” I say, my voice hoarse with the fear that is coursing through me.
“Yes?”
“You had a choice. I have feelings for you, Sophia.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.”
I hear her curse under her breath, and I hold back the smile. This is awkward as fuck, but I’ve started it, so I’m finishing it, and maybe then I can move on, away from here, away from her.
“I first felt it a while ago. It was late, maybe midnight, when I saw you down here swimming. I came down here too, but I didn’t want to approach you and have both of us getting in trouble with your dad. I watched you from behind that bush over there.” I turn and point to the bush in question. She turns to look, too, before facing the lake again, making it easy for me to carry on. “You emerged from the water, naked in the moonlight, and the attraction that was obvious to me became so much more. You were beautiful, but so sad. You sat here wet and shivering, and you cried. I wanted to come to you so badly, but I knew I had to stay away. I fell for you then, and I’ve buried it ever since. I don’t think about it, I don’t dream about it, I sure as fuck don’t talk about it. I forgot about it, because what was the point? There is no way your dad would let us be together, even if that is what you wanted. So when you got up and wrapped your towel around you, I let you go.”
“When was this?”
“A couple of years ago.”
“Oh. I don’t remember specifically. There have been many nights like the one you described.”
“That hurts my soul, Sophia.”
“Hmm.”
“When I was asked to escort you to the event the other day, I panicked. It’s why I was such a knob. I’m sorry.”
“So am I. I defied you to piss you off. It was silly and childish and ended in disaster. I hope my dad isn’t too pissed with you?”
I snort. “He’s waiting to kick my arse when I least expect it.”
“Sorry.” Her muttered apology means the world to me.
“Do you love him?”
The question comes out of the blue for her, but I need to know.
“I don’t know him enough to love him.”
“But you want to know him?”
She nods. “I want to know you as well.”
“What does that mean?” I’m trying not to hope for too much because she can’t have us both.
She shrugs, so I brush it off. “Your dad wouldn’t support us anyway.”
“I do.”
