Page 34 of Knot your Princess
He doesn’t look at me, which makes me feel horrible. Dirty and slightly used.
“Worried? No, not at all,” I say steadily. “I wasn’t even sure I would ever have a heat, let alone have children. This is all brand new, and the thought of conceiving a baby doesn’t make me worried. It makes me happy. I’m not saying that you need to be involved if it comes to that if that’s whatyou’reworried about.” My tone has gone icy.
He hears it and acknowledges it with a sad smile.
“That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m concerned about you. My job is one that takes me away often and for extended periods sometimes. I feel like I have let you down by being a complete prick about this. I’m sorry. Mating and babies weren’t on my agenda…”
“Then leave,” I interrupt him before he can make me feel any worse than he already has. Tears prick my eyes as I’d hoped we could continue to see each other after this, but I’m a big girl. I knew what I was doing when I leapt at him. I didn’t bring any of this up, either.
His expression turns desperate. “No, Sugar, I don’t want to leave, not like this. Hear me out, please?”
I glare at him to continue, crossing my arms tightly.
“We can both agree that we got caught up in the heat and rut. I don’t regret that at all. If anything, it has made me want to re-evaluate things, but what I’m trying to get out, badly, I’ll admit, is that firstly, I’m sorry I didn’t consider your feelings about a pregnancy before we slept together, and secondly that if you do become pregnant, then I’ll be happy about it. Even if you don’t, I want us to spend time together, to get to know each other without the frenzy of the heat. Would you like that?” His tentative question catches me off-guard.
This whole conversation has left me feeling confused and slightly shaky.
“You want to date?” I ask.
He nods slowly as if he isn’t quite sure about that.
“Okay,” I say anyway because I don't know what elsetosay.
“I’ve fucked this up, haven’t I?” he asks after a few seconds.
“Little bit,” I murmur.
He drops to his knees, staying respectfully outside my nest but grabbing my hands and squeezing them. “Every part of me wants to beg you to be with me,” he whispers anxiously. “I don’t know where your head is at with that. If you were using me just to satisfy your heat, then that’s fine. I can accept that, but I want more. I want all of you. Enzo will fucking kill me, but I don’t care. We have done this all back to front, and I hate that for us. It should’ve been beautiful and right.”
“It was,” I say, the tears rolling down my face now.
Reaching out, I cup his cheek. “I don’t regret any of it. Go do your work, and when you get back, I will probably still be here at this rate.”
He nods, a cautious expression adorning his face. “I’m not leaving for a couple of days. Do me a favour, Sugar. Be careful while I’m gone.”
“Always,” I say with a weak smile.
He nods and kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry I fucked this up. I think I’ll be excited to be a dad if you are pregnant.” He sends a soft smirk in my direction.
“Don’t worry too much about that yet. We will cross that bridge if we come to it.”
He nods again and leans forward to capture my mouth in a sweet kiss.
When we pull apart, I ask, “What is it that you do, anyway?”
He avoids my gaze and clears his throat. “I’ll tell you when I get back, and we have our first official date.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Okay.” It sounds ominous, but I won’t force him to tell me now if he doesn’t want to. I’m also dying to ask about the cameo brooch, but again, now isn’t the time. “I’ll start paving the way with Enzo for us,” I add. “A comment here and there. I think he is more likely to take it better from me than you.”
Trent chuckles. “Probably, but I’m man enough to own up if this is what you want?”
His deep gaze is asking me a question that I can’t answer, at least not yet. He will take the risk of being shot and killed by my uncle, not to mention my parents if I see a future for us, and while Iwantto, there is just something stopping me from making that commitment outright. I don’t know what it is, but I need to figure that out first.
“Think about it,” he whispers and then stands up. “I’ll see you next week, Sugar.”
I nod and let him go, flopping back to my nest and turning over to go back to sleep. I’m feeling a bit crampy and regret not taking Trent for one last heat-induced spin.
Groaning, I bury myself further into the soft covers and will myself to sleep through the rest of my fading heat, trying not to think about the possibility of a baby.
