Page 58 of Power
From a purely aesthetic point of view, she is gorgeous. Hair rumpled from sleep, her breasts swinging free under the tee, her thighs parted, her bottom lip red and swollen with her chewing it from nerves all the time.
“I’m sorry!” she exclaims. “I didn’t mean…”
“Let me finish,” I interrupt. If I don’t say it now, I may never say it. “I can’t lose Archer. I won’t…”
She shakes her head, tears pooling in her eyes. “I won’t ever come between you. I promise I’ll take a back seat. You and he…”
“Bailey,” I say, exasperated, pressing my fingers to my eyes. “Let me finish, please.”
“Sorry.”
“Please stop apologizing. It’s me who should be apologizing to you. It has been a long, long time since I even thought about being contrite, let alone admitting it out loud. Sorrow, it’s just another emotion that doesn’t register with me. Empathy, sympathy, love, hate, lust…none of these things, plus a hundred others, don’t make sense to me. Except, now, maybe they do. Owen just reminded me of something. Twenty-three years ago, I made myself forget to care. It was easy. A way out of the hell of living with a narcissistic, abusive son of a bitch. I think back now, and I feel nothing. Absolutely empty. But when I look at you, I feel something. I don’t know what it is. Adult emotions are complex and intricate. I have knowledge of child-like ones, which doesn’t help me here with you. I don’t bring up Archer to make you feel bad or to make you think I’m only here because of him. The opposite. It has made me realize that I need to open up to you or risk losing you both. Does any of this make sense?” I give her a look of sheer desperation—a gut-wrenching need for her to understand what I’m saying. I run my hand through my hair, and she watches the movement, tears spilling silently out of her eyes.
“Yes,” she whispers. “It all makes complete sense. Idounderstand, Finn—more than you think. I have walls. I know how to shut down. Not to the extent that you have, and I’ve certainly never been abused physically, but mentally? I’ve been kicked once or twice. I get your need to close off from that, but I’m not going to hurt you. I only want to hold you. If that’s all you ever want to do, that’s more than okay. Please don’t ever think that I want you to do something you aren’t ready for or comfortable with. I am happy if you are happy. It’s simple.”
I’m stunned. It’s like the spotlight at the initiation is shining only on me again, and everyone can see my soul stripped down to the bare bones.
Only it’s not everyone.
It’s Bailey.
A woman who hasn’t even scratched the surface of knowing who I am, yet she accepts me and understands me. I don’t know how this is possible.
“Why would you do that?” I ask quietly, moving forward, unable to resist the pull she has. “Why would you put your own needs aside for mine?”
She shrugs with a sad smile. “Because that’s what you do sometimes for those you care about.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” I say slowly, trying to smash a tiny part of my walls down to let her in—to give her what she wants from me.
“But I will if that’s what you need.”
“Fuck,” I mutter and run my hand through my hair again. I turn from her as she climbs off the bed.
“May I?”
“What?”
“Touch you.”
My throat constricted, I nod slowly.
She moves around to the front of me and reaches up. I think she is going to cup my face and prepare myself for the invasion, but she doesn’t. She smooths down my hair with a soft smile.
“Baby steps,” she murmurs and drops her hand to her side.
We lock gazes for a moment, but it’s too much; it’s too overwhelming. I drop mine and fall to my knees in front of her. “I will give you what you need, Bailey, but I need you to give me time. Can you do that?”
“All the time in the world.”
“Don’t wait for me to catch up. Continue building your relationships with Archer and Owen. They need you.”
“Okay.”
I know I can’t join in with them, not yet anyway, but I can watch and be included. I can be relevant.
She brings her hand up and hovers it under my chin. I look up at her. “You are magnificent, Right Honorable Finn Cavendish.”
I close my eyes, and for the first time in over two decades, I feel a sense of hope that I might not be lost after all.
