Page 57 of Tempt Me
"And? You expect me to jump when you say so?"
He slowly comes closer and stands near the edge of the bed. His gaze is so intense and tender that I'm almost afraid to look away.
He takes a deep breath and says, “I'm so sorry, Rue. I'm messing this whole thing up.”
"No shit," I mutter and turn away from him. "I'm sleeping."
"I'll leave you alone then."
"Good."
I hate this conversation with a passion. Wishing there was some way to come out with my news; I know it's too soon. Firstly, I need to make an appointment with the doctor to make absolutely sure, and only then can I start to think about mentioning it. It's not like I'm going to have that long before I start showing, anyway.
Isaac exhales a deep sigh, and then I hear the sound of his footsteps receding as he walks out of my room, leaving me alone in my turmoil. But I can't shake off the feeling that I need to tell him sooner rather than later. Turning over on my back, I scrutinize the ceiling for a few moments before gradually sitting up, rubbing my eyes.
As I climb out of bed, a nauseous wave suddenly hits me, and I stagger slightly before regaining my footing. Uneasiness overwhelms me as the realization sets in that this is not just a one-time accident; there is no way I can ignore it anymore. It's become my reality.
"What am I going to do?" I whisper to myself, pacing back and forth in my bedroom.
Needing to prepare myself for what's to come, I have to think about whatIwant. Do I want this baby? Do I want Isaac to be a part of their life if he isn't going to be part of mine? Or will he be part of mine? All these questions are swirling around my mind, and I can't focus on any one thought long enough to start making decisions. It's frustrating, and suddenly, I turn and sweep everything off the dresser in a fit of anger.
My eyes land on a picture frame that shattered, sending shards flying in every direction.
Staring blankly at the mess of my dresser, littered with broken glass, I realize that everything in my life feels just as shattered. Suddenly, I'm filled with a surge of determination.
There are no two ways about it. I need to figure out what I want and make it happen, whatever it takes. No matter how scary or hard it is going to be.
With newfound resilience, I clean up the mess from the broken picture frame and take a deep breath. This baby may change my life forever, but I have to be strong; for myself and for my child.
Crawling back into bed, ignoring the mess on the floor, I glare at the wall that separates Isaac's room from mine. Placing my hand on the cool white wall, I gulp back some tears that are threatening to spill out. If I cry again, I won't stop; I'm sick of crying right now. I'm sick of being weak and pathetic. It's time to pull myself together and be Rue Eleanor Di'Castello. Fierce motherfucker and not scared of anything.
As I lay in bed, I feel a familiar sense of determination. The thought of being a mother, protecting and guiding my child through life, fills me with an unexplainable strength. The fear and anxiety that had consumed me before seems to dissipate like a fog lifting from my mind. It's like I finally have a purpose, something to fight for.
"Guess I know what I want, then."
It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I actually smile slightly as I think about being a mother.
My thoughts are interrupted by a faint buzzing coming from my nightstand drawer. Pulling it open, I see my phone light up with a new message.
It's from Isaac asking if I'm okay.
Rolling my eyes, I shout out, "I'm fucking fine. Now leave me alone!"
But this time, I'm not mad at him. He's trying to do what he thinks is right, regardless of whether it is or not, doesn't matter. He is a man with values, a man who thinks before he acts. He's rational and concise. He doesn't dive in unless it's to protect those he is assigned to protect. Without asking him to, I know he will step up for me and this child, but who says I even want him to now? He's made his feelings clear that he isn't ready for any of this. I don't want him to take on this responsibility if all he feels is burdened by it.
Not a chance.
And there is no way I'm going to try to convince him otherwise.
Flopping back to the bed, glad to at least have something sorted in my mess of a head, I close my eyes again, and this time when I sleep, I'm out for the count.
Chapter31
Isaac
Chuckling softly at Rue's yell through the wall that she is fine and to leave her alone, I put the phone down and lie back on the bed. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel tired. Tired enough to sleep and not wake up if a disaster, natural or otherwise, occurred right next to me.
As I close my eyes, in the calm of my mind, my thoughts wander to Rue. She's been through a lot lately and deserves all the rest she can get. I can't imagine what it's like to be in her shoes. So much has happened to her since I met her only a few days ago, it's a wonder she is still standing. She is stronger than I gave her credit for.
