Page 45 of Icebreaker
“You’re probably right on that one. All right, we’ll just leave that one for me.” When I rolled my eyes, he reached over and lightly pinched me. “They would appreciate how much you careabout other people and how considerate you are, but it bothers me that you don’t see that about yourself.”
I got off the park bench where I had been sitting and moved to the edge of the creek to examine all the rocks on the bank. Some of them were pretty cool, with polished edges and interesting veins running through them. I thought about how to explain myself, and it took me a minute to gather my thoughts.
“It’s hard for me to say I’m awesome when I’ve never been enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t enough for my mom to stick around. My dad would rather stay at work than be around me. I’ve been here three years, and you’re the first person I’ve connected with. My old roommate actively kicked me out of our dorm room. Wojak hates me, and I’ve barely spoken to him. I don’t get why people don’t like me because I try really hard.”
Daddy B squatted next to me on the creek bed while I continued to mindlessly hunt for pretty rocks. I hadn’t expected to lay out my insecurities in front of him like that, but it was too late to take them back. I knew my mom and dad splitting up didn’t really have anything to do with me, but the effect was the same. She happily went on with her life in Portland. My dad had been stuck with me, and now Daddy B was too.
“Kiddo, I think I messed up.” I looked up over at him, confused. “My punishment was intended to be a reminder. It didn’t do that at all, so I’m changing it. Instead of writing sentences, every morning you’re going to tell me something you like about yourself, and every night before bed, you’re gonna to tell me something you did right.”
I felt queasy over his changed punishment, and I now sincerely, completely, and totally wished I’d been able to bring myself to write those sentences. Rather than push back on it, though, I returned my attention to the rocks. The rocks weresomething I couldn’t mess up. Daddy B silently joined in my hunt.
Over the next hour, we hunted rocks in silence. By the end, we had a large pile created between the two of us. Unfortunately, I couldn’t take them all home, but I sorted through them to find my favorites. It took several rounds before my keep pile was a reasonable size.
“Daddy B, thank you for bringing me here. Most of the time, I don’t like being out in the woods, but I like it with you.”
“Thanks for coming out here with me. I like sharing it with you.” For the first time today, Daddy B looked unsure. “I’m going to make mistakes.”
“With me?” I ran back through the day. He’d invited me to lunch and defended me to Wojack. And even though I struggled with the sentences, I knew he wasn’t out of line about them. Plus, when he saw my struggle, he took me out of my head and got me talking. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Next time, I need to ask more questions.” I shrugged. “And I shouldn’t have let Wojak get under my skin at lunch.”
“I think you’re doing a great job, Daddy B.”
“Thanks, kiddo.” He pulled me closer for a forehead kiss. Gah, he was so hot. And he was extra, extra hot when he was being sweet. We needed to tag a few more bases. Soon.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BRENNEN
“Kiddo, come eat, please.”
After our trip to the park, we returned home with Ellie’s favorite rocks. He carefully cleaned them and set them on the windowsill in the living room. It looked like an offer to the crows, but Ellie was immensely proud of them. He’d gathered his stuffies together so they could admire them properly. They were all suitably proud of what he’d found.
“Dinner ready, Daddy B?” When we got back to the apartment, Ellie said he wanted pasta and sauce. I sent him to the living room to work on his coloring while I prepped dinner. A part of me wondered if he hadn’t picked spaghetti because of my earlier request to feed him dinner. What a perfect excuse for something so messy.
“Yep, come sit at the table and I’ll get a plate together for you.” I put the pasta and the bread on the plate and carried it over to the table with him. He immediately grabbed the garlic bread and tore off a big bite.
“Kiddo, I got these for you, but if you don’t wanna use them, it’s not a big deal. Okay?” Ellie nodded expectantly and waited for me to show him what I had behind my back. I pulled out a cup covered in letters and numbers in bright primary colors.
“A sippy cup, Daddy?” It was hard to tell whether he was excited or not because he looked so serious while he turned it this way and that. I held my breath until he broke into a face-splitting grin and clapped. There was my answer. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Daddy.”
“I know you have some that you bought for yourself. But I wanted you to have one from your Daddy.” I put his requested milk in the cup and handed it back to him. He took a sip, stopped to admire his cup, and then took another sip. He did it over and over until it was gone.
I’d stopped at the store on my way home yesterday to pick up the sippy cup. I’d been a little worried he’d think it was dumb since he already had some, but given how he was admiring it, I’d worried for no reason.
“More drink, Daddy?”
“You can have more after dinner, okay, baby boy?”
I brought a plate of spaghetti to the table and carefully twirled the pasta around a fork to feed him. Ellie obediently opened his mouth with each pass and sang “Thank you” in a silly voice. But even with me holding the fork, he still managed to get it all over his face and hands. I’d clean him up a million times if it meant he had that sparkle in his eye and the willingness to simply allow himself to enjoy the simplicity of bouncing in his chair while clapping and giggling. I had never seen Ellie so carefree. It was beautiful, and I knew I would do anything to keep that spark alive in him.
“Baby boy, you’re an absolute mess. You need a shower to clean yourself up.”
“Tubby time?”
