Page 65 of Icebreaker
“I will, baby boy. I will.” My laughter spilled out, light and a little breathless. The job I’d wanted for years was actually mine. I’d be living in the mountains, doing something that mattered, waking up every day where I’d always wanted to be.
And Ellie… I hadn’t pictured him in that future, not at first. But now? Now I couldn’t imagine it without him. He felt right. And I wanted to hold on to that—hold on to him. There was time to process all of this, but I could grab my laptop and shoot off an email to the department with my acceptance.
“All right, email done. Can you grab my phone, and I’ll call my folks.”
“Daddy B, maybe you can surprise them when they come up to the cabin? Then you can see your mom’s face when you tell them. She’s gonna cry.”
“Kiddo, that’s a great idea.”
“And then we have a cake to celebrate!” Ellie jiggled on my lap, and I worked to keep my breathing under control. If weended up in the bedroom, we’d never make it up to the cabin today.
“A cake? Do we really need a cake?”
Ellie took my face between his two hands and then rubbed his nose against mine for little butterfly kisses. “Daddy B, always need cake.”
“Any ideas of what kind of cake?”
“Yellow cake with chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles.” The seriousness of his tone made me wonder whether this was a spontaneous suggestion.
“Is that your favorite kind?”
“It’s for you.” The hurt in his voice made me question myself for even the idea that his intentions were less than pure. “I’m sorry, kiddo, that was mean of me.”
Ellie sat stiffly in my lap with his nose in the air when he answered, “Apology ’cepted.” But he ruined it when he leaned forward and whispered in my ear, “But itismy favorite.”
“Daddy B, it’s so pretty.”
We pulled into the driveway in front of the house, and Ellie’s awestruck face made me smile. I loved how open he was to everything and how he wasn’t embarrassed to admit when something made him happy or when something struck him as pretty. If he was supposed to keep his happiness hidden, Ellie hadn’t gotten that memo, and I was glad for it.
“Yeah, it’s why I’ve always loved this place.” The cabin wasn’t fancy by many standards, but it was where I was always the happiest. It was the place where I could set aside expectations and simply exist as myself.
The front porch was wide, covered, and made for lazy afternoons. My favorite memories involved sitting out here with my grandpa, shooting the shit and watching the rain. The furniture was worn, comfortable, and had been there longer than I’d been alive.
There weren’t any actual garden areas, but wild ferns and vines with wildflowers popped up everywhere along the perimeter among the tall trees. The sky peeked through the pines, and while it was the dark gray of a looming storm, it still reminded me how far away from the city we were. And Ellie loving it at first sight? It was a fucking sign from the universe.
“Daddy B, you ready for a hike?”
“Yes, but I have something for you before we head out.” I reached into the bag I’d stashed in my car earlier this week and pulled out two boxes. Both were wrapped in white butcher paper and secured with twine. On top, written in my admittedly messy handwriting, it read:
Can only be opened by an explorer.
Ellie looked at me and asked, “I explorer?”
I booped him on the nose and answered, “I hope so because otherwise we’re gonna be in trouble on our hike.” Ellie giggled and pulled the first box toward him. He ripped the paper open with abandon, accompanied by more giggles and laughter. He broke the tape seal and then peered inside.
“Oh my goodness! For me?”
“Yep, there are two in there. One for your cute head and one for my big head.”
“Your head is very nice too, Daddy B.” He lifted out the two explorer hats like they were precious items. With an encouragingsmile and nod, he gently lifted it and placed it on his head. I adjusted the straps for him so it was properly attached.
“Now you look like a proper explorer.”
“Now you do too,” Ellie added when he placed my hat on me.
“Open your next one.”
Ellie did it with equal enthusiasm. He squealed when he opened it and realized it was a kit that matched his new hat. The box included a proper scientific net with a real compass, along with a canteen. Printed on one side of the nylon satchel wasDaddy’s Boy.Ellie reverently traced his fingers over the print and looked up at me with a sweet, soft smile.
