Page 66 of Icebreaker
“You know you’re my favorite boy, right?”
“I know, Daddy.” He leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “And now I’m gonna be your favorite explorer too.”
“Always.”
The rest of the afternoon was spent tracking through the woods and finding as many pretty rocks as our pockets could hold. Ellie expanded his treasures to sticks of wood. Because he was a sweet boy, he double-checked to ensure no creatures were using the items as a home.
The trails led away from the cabin and through the few acres collectively owned by my family before we crossed onto public land. Last time, we’d gone to the pond, but this time, we veered closer to the valleys. In the distance, we could see the slopes of the resorts that dotted the area. My mom wasn’t much of a winter sports person, but she swore by the spas.
“Hey, Ellie, have you ever gone skiing or snowboarding?”
He looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Daddy B, there’s no snow at the ocean. You’re silly.” He laughed, but the sound was tinged with something brittle. It was a little tight, a little tinny, and more than a little forced.
“Oh, okay.” I fell silent again as I plotted how to get him up on the slopes with me this winter. If he wasn’t up for thedownhill part, they had snowshoe trails too. And if he didn’t want to do that, maybe it was time for me to try something new and visit one of the spa places my mom swore by.
“You like the ocean?” Ellie asked.
“I do. I like it more when I can get in it without freezing my balls off.”
“That’s not my ocean then,” Ellie answered with a distant smile.
Whatever had been said had dampened the mood, and his sudden melancholy overtook us both. Our collection gathering slowed to a halt while we contemplated the individual thoughts consuming us.
“Did you disappear on me?” I gathered Ellie close to me and tucked his head under my chin. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, and we stood locked around each other while the breeze and the smell of the forest surrounded us.
“Of course not, Daddy B. I’m here until you’re not.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean by that.” Ellie’s smile turned bright again when I drew back to see his pretty face. “Did I misunderstand?”
“It’s just a figure of speech.” He paused and looked up at the dark-gray sky, which was turning darker by the second. “Maybe we should go back?”
“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to get drenched up here and end up with soggy socks.”
“That’s the worst.”
“The very worst.”
Ellie turned away and headed back in the direction we came from. He walked with more determination than I’d ever seen from him. There was no question that he was a man on a mission.
“Is everything okay?” I asked when I caught up with him. Given how much longer my legs were, he was practically jogging.
“I’m not ready to answer because I need to be…” Ellie cleared his throat before he continued, “I need to be clear-headed.”
“You’re not now?”
“I am too close to being little, and I need to be all the way big.”
“You know I wanna take care of you, big or little, right? There’s nothing that matters more to me than making sure you’re good.”
“Daddy B, it’s nothing. I probably just need a snack and a nap.”
I drew back and looked at him, and his eyes weren’t sad exactly, but more like all-knowing. Like he could see into the future, and it was something that neither of us would like, but I didn’t understand how we could go from having a great day to where we had landed. Whatever had shifted between us had happened in the blink of an eye, and I wasn’t sure how to catch up to him. It felt like we were on opposite sides of the valley, trying to shout at each other, but our voices were being lost in the distance between us.
“What if we table everything tonight and just enjoy our evening? And tomorrow we can talk about whatever this is.”
“You gonna feed me?”
“Yep, and put you to bed too.”
