Page 74 of Icebreaker
I waited until they were gone before turning my attention back to Ellie, who looked serene.Fucking serene. Before we continued, I forced myself into my final thirty seconds of a game headspace, where the other team was bearing down on me. Ellie didn’t need me to lose my temper. He needed to understand we weren’t fucking…scratch that…we weren’t breaking up.
With more effort than I’d ever put into it, I centered my breathing and forced my adrenaline to calm down. Ellie, bless him, remained quiet while I gathered myself and steadied my breath. While I was at it, I tried to figure out what I would say to make him understand that I intended to stick around for the long haul.
“Why do you think we’re breaking up?” Ellie opened his mouth to respond, but I interrupted before he could say anything. “Which we’re not.”
“Because you’re graduating, moving up here permanently, and you’ll want to get on with your life.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.” Ellie shrugged.
“No, not that kind. Okay, and what does that have anything to do with it?”
“Because you’re moving on.” Ellie spoke as if he were confused by my confusion.
“Yeah, I’m graduating, but people still date.” Ellie let out a sigh and waved his hands a bit. “Why would I end things with someone I love?”
“You never said!” Ellie’s ferocious shout set me back on my heels.
“Well, I was going to!”
“When?”
“Soon,” I ground out.
“How am I supposed to know that?”
“You never said either!”
“Why would I?”
“Then why would I?”
“Because you’re the Daddy!”Well shit. He had me there.
I broke eye contact with him and plopped down on the steps, and after a beat, Ellie joined me. His hand was only inches away from me, and it was a beacon. Fuck it, I didn’t care if he was mad or annoyed or whatever with me. We weren’t breaking up, and I wanted to hold my boyfriend’s hand. So I did.
“Hey, Ellie, I gotta tell you something. It’s really important.” He glanced at our joined hands and then back at me. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, and I… Shit, I don’t know… I didn’t, and now it just sounds weird, but I’ve been thinking it for a while.” I sat back and let him digest my words for a little bit. I wasn’t expecting an undying declaration, but some kind of response would’ve been good—less nerve-racking.
“Hey, Daddy B, you haven’t told me anything.”
“What?”
“You just said you needed to tell me something that you’ve been thinking about for a while, but you didn’t tell me the thing that you thought. “
“Fucking hell, I’m so shit at this. Do you know people think I’m cool? That ain’t shit now.”
“Still waiting.”
“Fuck me. I love you, Ellie.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I fucking do.”
“And it’s not just some weird obligation because I forced my way into your apartment?”
“Baby boy, you were invited into my apartment. If I didn’t want you there, I could’ve gotten rid of you, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have been your Daddy.”
