Page 75 of Icebreaker
Setting here with Ellie holding my hand at the cabin was the fantasy I had for my life, but that didn’t mean it was Ellie’s, and I’d been a selfish asshole. I’d just decided I wanted my life and Ellie in it and hadn’t even bothered to ask what the hell he wanted.
“I owe you an apology, baby boy.”
“What? Why?”
“For being selfish. You’ve got a year left to finish your degree, and I know, of course, that you wanna be in a library. But here I am, thinking that I want this life and I want you, and I didn’t even fucking ask what you wanted. Maybe you dream about shit I don’t know, like moving to New York and working at the library. What the hell is the name of it…?”
“The New York City library?”
“I mean, I didn’t even ask about it.”
“Good news, Daddy B. None of my dreams involve moving to New York.”
“Good to know now, but I should’ve already.”
“Being up here is your dream. You said you’ve wanted this since you were a kid, and now you’re getting it.”
“I want you more.” I couldn’t provide him with any other explanation because none of it mattered. This place was my dream, but Ellie was my future. I’d walk away from all of it if it meant I could be with him.
“Do you know what I love best about where I’m from?”
“I thought it was the beach.”
“I do love it. I like to sit and listen to the ocean and just think, but I mean more generally. What’s the best part about living in the Pacific Northwest?”
“I don’t know, baby boy.”
“Within a couple of hours, I can be in the city, and another hour and a half after that, I can be back at the ocean. I don’t need to see it every day, and I don’t think you should give up your dream on a maybe.”
“A maybe?”
“I still have a year. There’s no reason for you not to take the job while I’m still in school. After that? We could decide.” Ellie seemed more self-assured, more confident than I’d ever seen him. Fuck, it was sexy.
His nonexistent declaration of undying love was concerning. Shit, I hated talking about my emotions. It was entirely my parents’ fault—they fucking loved it and, as an only child, I’d gotten the brunt of the family feelings circle.
“Uh, Ellis…”
“Ellis?”
“Yes, you.”
“Yeah, but you never call me that.”
“I don’t? Pretty sure I call you by your name.”
“No, you call me kiddo or baby boy or Ellie. I can make some rules too, right?”
“Uh, sure.” Ellie’s eyes stared daggers at me. “I meant to say yes, one hundred percent you can.”
“Good. You don’t call me by my government name unless you’re mad at me or something’s on fire,” Ellie said stubbornly.
“Done.”
“I think we need a Daddy rule chart too.” If he wanted me to have a chart, he wasn’t going to leave me.
“That’s a good idea. After everyone leaves, we can figure out what I need to put on my chart.” My fingers flexed reflexively around his. Ellie still hadn’t said the three words I desperately wanted to hear.
“Baby boy, I’m wondering how you feel about me.” I hated to hear my voice crack, but this was my life. He was life. It mattered more than any job, cabin, or department.
