Page 76 of Icebreaker
“I love you, Daddy B.”
The words floated out of his mouth and washed over me, and suddenly I realized that everything was going to be fine. What I had said earlier was absolutely true. He was my dream, and I would change, move around, compromise, or do whatever it took for us both to be happy. Not seeing him every day was going to be torture, but plenty of people managed, so we could too. There was FaceTime, texting, and apps where we could upload his chore chart and both our rule charts. It was going to be fine. We were going to figure it out.
I jumped up next to him, snatched him off the steps, and twirled him around in a circle. His laughter echoed through the trees and enveloped us. Our mouths fused together, but it felt different this time—there was no uncertainty, no hesitation. I knew he loved me, and he knew I loved him, which made it all the sweeter. Our tongues danced against each other as a prelude to what I hoped would come later that night. My body sizzled at the thought that the next time I was inside him, I would be able to say the words I’d been holding back.
He was my home.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ELLIE
“Congratulations to all of you.You’ve worked hard for four years in the classroom and on the ice. I hope you’re as proud of yourselves as we are of you. Cheers.”
Brennen’s dad stood up to give a toast at the restaurant where we had all gathered to celebrate graduation: Ralph, Matty, and Brennen. We were all dressed up, looking like peacocks, proud and ready to enter this whole new life.
I sat next to Daddy B at the table, working hard not to panic. I knew there was actually nothing to panic about, but that didn’t take away the worry. You could reassure me a hundred times, and in the back of my mind, I would still wonder if the hundred and first reassurance would be the straw that broke everything. Daddy B told me I should let him know when I was feeling that way, but it felt ridiculous when there was nothing wrong. So instead, I kept it to myself and went through the list we had come up with together for all the reasons we were fine. They were posted on the refrigerator where I could see them and remind myself.
“Hey, baby boy, come back to earth.” He nudged me with his shoulder as he gave me the reminder. I turned and gave him an appropriate smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes. “Iknow change is hard, kiddo, but we’re gonna be okay. I promise. Everything’s gonna work out fine.”
Daddy B’s hand found mine underneath the table, and he squeezed my fingers tight. His hand, truthfully, was more like a paw that offered reassuring strength that I would never not feel. Even though his college hockey career was over, he still went to the ice a couple of times a week to work out and pick up games. Unlike before, there was a lot more laughter, but no less cussing on the ice.
“I’m glad we’re having dinner with everyone, but I would rather be at home with you, baby boy,” Daddy murmured in my ear. I whipped my head around to look at him in shock.
“You can’t talk like that at the table with your parents here,” I whispered furiously back at him.
“It’s fine, sweetheart. We’re well aware that you and our son do more than play checkers at the home where you live together.” My face was on fire because my boyfriend’s mom realized that we were having sex.
“Umm, I don’t know how to answer that,” I stammered out.
“Kiddo, it’s fine. They were going to find out sooner or later,” Daddy B laughed. Benji and Rafe, who were supposed to be my best friends, giggled from across the table.
“I thought you guys would be on my side.” Since that just made them laugh harder, they must’ve figured out I wasn’t that upset about it. It was kind of dumb. I mean, we had lived together for months, so our secret was probably out of the bag.
“We’re on your side. We just think it’s funny.” Benji and Rafe high-fived each other, then sat back and stared at me with Cheshire grins. Matty, who sat on the other side of Rafe, didn’t join in but certainly looked indulgently at him.
As far as I could tell, Matty had stopped dating anyone, but he always made time for his former hockey captain, and they were constantly together. I wondered if there was somethinggoing on, but Daddy B said it was probably just him taking a break from everything, seeing how he had graduated and started his job at the local child services office as a social worker. Maybe he didn’t have time for dating, but I wondered if there was more to it.
Fortunately, everyone’s focus shifted back to our meal instead of speculating about whether Daddy and I were getting lucky. And we definitely were going to get lucky later tonight, but that would remain between us.
“Hey, Daddy B,” I leaned over and whispered in his ear.
“Yeah?”
“I wish we were at home right now too.”
“Say less, baby boy. We can get dessert to go.”
The trip to the cabin was uneventful. Traffic was a nightmare with summer in full swing and all the kids out. Everyone was headed out for their vacations. My previous trips to the cabin had all been during the off-season, and I kind of assumed—wrongly—that summer would be equally slow. But Daddy B said the snowshoe trails turned into horse trails or biking paths, and that people like to go on nature tours and things like that up here. Most of the lodges had outdoor pools, summer slides, and all sorts of activities that I probably wasn’t going to do, but I was sure other people enjoyed them when they rolled into town.
We swiftly dumped our bags, unloaded the back of the SUV, and headed into town like…well…real adulting adults. Summer visitors crowded the sidewalks, heavily laden with shopping bags and holding out their phones to take peek-a-boo shots of the nearby mountains. Even though it was touristy with somekitschy boutique stores, it still felt like a genuine town with a bakery on one corner, a few law offices, a medical center, and a sizable grocery store.
And then I saw the best place in the world.
“Daddy B, pull over. We gotta stop.” Because he loved me, he swerved hard into the nearly passed parking lot and we jumped out of his SUV. The building was a stone and wood structure with my favorite words carved into the massive sign hanging over the double-doored entrance:Public Library. Daddy B pushed the door open and waved me inside.
“After you, kiddo.”
The clouds parted, the angels sang, and I’m certain I heard a chorus in the background. This was beyond words. The three-story building’s ceiling was wooden and books lined the walls. In the center of the first floor was a reference and checkout desk with comfy couches and sofas. Off to the side was an on-site coffee shop that, according to the sign, was partially staffed by the local shelter workers on some days and local organizations on others. There was a signboard advertising daily classes, including genealogy, creative writing, and tutoring, along with community offerings such as scrapbooking or cooking for kids.
