Page 71 of All I Need (Hearts of the South)
“No problem.”
After her departure, they walked down to the dock, newly repaired and fresh wood showing through the stain. An arbor on one side held a wooden swing, and it was easy to envision lazy mornings with coffee or ending a long day with a glass of wine there.
She could see a life of todays wrapped around this house, around Emmett. Sheer insanity, but there it was.
“What time are we supposed to be at Clark’s?” She tried to keep the nerves out of her voice as they walked back up the yard to the driveway. Maybe dinner wasn’t such a great idea. She needed some time to wrap her mind around her own emotions.
“Whenever. He’s not a stickler about time.” As they reached the base of the steps, his phone rang, and he scowled at the screen. His shoulders slumped, the overall line still tight with renewed tension. He dropped to sit on the steps and lifted the phone to his ear. “Yeah.”
She didn’t have to think too hard to figure out who was on the other end of the call. Savannah caught his irritable gaze and signaled toward the driveway, a silent inquiry about his desire for privacy. He shook his head and gestured at the steps next to him. She settled one step above him, knees next to his arm.
“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. I’ve heard it all before and nothing ever changes.” He dropped his head forward, forehead resting on his hand. “You’re quoting Scripture at me? Seriously, Dad? How about ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’? Or ‘each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself’? Even better, ‘fathers, provoke not your children to anger’. I can do this all day, but it won’t get us anywhere.”
Savannah leaned in to press her lips to his nape, her hand on his shoulder. Stress radiated off him.
“Dad, what do you want from me?” He listened a moment, then pulled the phone away from his ear and punched theend callicon, cutting the tinny male voice off midword. Eyes closed, he pressed the phone to his forehead. Silence stretched over them. Savannah stroked her palm down his arm and back up.
A sound that was half-laugh, half-sob shook his body against hers. “He wants me to forgive him. Again.”
She dropped a kiss on his neck. “Have you forgiven him at all?”
“You sound like Clark.” His shoulders lifted and fell with a long, slow breath. “I don’t know how. He’ll only do it again. Look at Mama—she forgives him every single time, and he hurts her all over as soon as some sweet thing smiles at him. He missed Landra’s high school and college graduations, and both times he was off chasing tail. He quit on me a long time ago, butI’mthe problem.”
A palpable anger vibrated in him, and the deep breaths were an obvious attempt to gather himself.
“I don’t deny I was an awful kid, Savannah. I was angry all the time. Mama couldn’t control me, and he didn’t even try. But I was hiskid, and I outgrew most of it, I swear I did. I was a good cop, and I tried to be a good man. He never gave a damn.” The words spilled from him, full of anger and pain. “Hell, I almost died and he never even showed up, not once. Not that first night, not when I was in ICU, not when Mama was sleeping by me every night. He had a new woman on the side then, and she was all that mattered. I can’t be what he wants, and he can’t love me.”
His voice cracked over the words, and he heaved a harsh sigh. “What the hell iswrongwith me?”
“Nothing.” She wrapped him in a tight hug. “Nothing is wrong with you. You are a good man, anamazingman, and he’s too blind to see who you are.”
He stiffened in her embrace, and she pulled back to catch a glimpse of raw pain flashing across his face. She gripped his chin and turned his gaze to hers. “What is it? What did I say wrong?”
“You didn’t say anything wrong.” He shook his head, his eyes completely shut off from her. “It’s not you. It’s me. It’s all me.”
She couldn’t stand the hurt and defeat in his voice. “Emmett, would you justsayit, whatever it is?”
“I can’t.”
The concern and anxiety blended into a hot flow of disappointment. “You are so frustrating.”
“Never heard that one before.” He rubbed at his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Leave it alone tonight, please? If I say it, it’ll only make things worse, and I can’t deal with that right now.”
“How are we supposed to do this with secrets between us?”
With a harsh laugh, he shrugged. He wasn’t giving. Whatever hurt him was locked up tight, and as much as she wanted to poke and prod, the only way to go was to let him work through it. He wouldn’t give in to pressure any more than she would.
She sifted her hand through the thick strands of his hair. “Think it’s possible we’re too much alike?”
His only reply was another shrug. A frustrated scream built in her throat, and the worst part was she wasn’t even aggravated with him. He needed something from her, and she couldn’t give him whatever it was. Somehow she knew that what he needed didn’t lie within her. Unease tightened her whole body.
With weary movements, he pushed to his feet and held out a hand. “Come on. Let’s go get something to eat. Clark’s lasagna is unbelievable.”
She stared at his extended hand. They were going to play the game, put on pageant smiles and ignore the problem to do another day. As much as she hated that paradigm, she understood it.
Pushing would destroy the fragile them they had. He’d be gone, and she didn’t want that.
Filled with an unexplainable sadness for something she didn’t understand, she took his hand and let him pull her to her feet.
