Page 50 of Twisted Bonds
"Oh, okay." She almost looks sad that I'm not having her get me off.
However, I don't retract my answer. I turn instead and head into the bathroom. It's been so long that I forget I'm not the same man I was two years ago. My body now has more battle scars, so when Ryan gasps and says my name frantically, I spin around.
"What?!" I look around but see nothing aside from an upset Ryan stomping over to me.
"Are you serious right now, Beau?" She walks around me, and I feel her fingertips brush against the scars from the cane.
I hang my head briefly. "I'm fine, Ry," I say softly.
"Why did he do this to you, Beau? How could your uncle beat you…or hold you prisoner?"
I can hear the crack in her voice. "He was a sick man, Ryan. Who knows what his reasoning was. People like him don't need a reason." I take a step away and turn to face her. "Every time it happened; your face was all I saw.That and our memories together are what helped me get through that hell. I'd do it all again if it meant saving you."
"I'm sorry, Beau. I tried to tell them no. When Dante and Luca came to our apartment, they wanted me to leave you a note. I was supposed to tell you that I changed my mind, and I didn't want to be married to you, but I couldn't bring myself to do it."
Lifting my hand, I caress her cheek. "It's okay. It's in the past, and we can now look forward to the future." I notice her going to say something, so I quickly say, "Once we talk and figure things out."
Nodding, Ryan smiles softly and tries to walk past me. "Okay…"
I grab her arm and pull her to me. "That doesn't mean I'm not going to try my hardest to remind you just how much I love you every chance I get."
The look that passes her face is one of sadness with a bit of fascination. It's my turn to take her lips now, and I do just that before I let her go down and eat. When I let her go, I watch her walk away again, and now, I'm really needing that shower.
Twenty-Eight
Ryan
Although the sandwich tastes so good and brings back pleasant memories, I find it hard to swallow. The sight of Beau's back has me feeling sick to my stomach.He was caned.That was no regular caning either; it was one to make sure it had lasting results, and now his poor back is scarred all up. Even the whip doesn't make lasting marks like that.
Some of the areas are raised, telling me they were open wounds once. Did he get medical attention, I wonder? He could have gotten an infection and died, and I never would have known. Why? Because I was naïve enough to believe that he didn't want me anymore, when in fact, he was suffering because he loved me too much to give up on me.
Hearing Beau's footsteps on the stairs, I pick my sandwich up and take another bite. I don't want him to think that I'm as upset as I am, but I'm not able to swallow, and I start choking. I pound on my chest, trying to bring the bread back up, but nothing works.
"Ryan!" Beau hurries over to me and pulls me to my feet before spinning me around. "Is it out yet?"
His voice shakes as he asks, but I can only shake my head back and forth. He begins the Heimlich maneuver on me as I start to run out of air. Tears streak down my face from trying to cough and breathe. Then suddenly, the chunk of bread comes up and I spit it out before taking huge gulps of air.
"Jesus, Ry…" Beau sighs in relief before falling to the couch with me still in his arms.
I land on his lap, of course, and with this little scare, I curl up as I continue to catch my breath. His lips are pressed against my hair as he holds me close, telling me it's okay. I'm like a small child in his arms, but I feel safe; I've always felt safe in Beau's arms. A memory hits me from back when Beau was forcing me to get clean. He would hold me like this when the withdrawals got really bad. He never once gave up on me—he's still not giving up on me.The question is still whether or not I deserve him, or should I let him go so he can find someone more deserving of the amazing man he is?
"Tell me what's going through your big ole brain, Ry. You used to tell me everything," Beau states with his lips still against my head.
"I don't think you want to hear what's going through my head anymore, Beau," I say softly. "The darkness runs too deep these days. I don't want to dirty your soul with my damned one."
Beau's whole body stiffens, and then he pulls away, making me look into his eyes by grabbing my chin firmly but gently. Taking his time, it feels like he's looking at the very soul I mentioned as he studies me. Beau never says anything, but when those green eyes move down and become transfixed on my mouth, my deepest part stirs.
When I think he will kiss my lips, he changes directions and presses his own to my forehead. He then moves to the side and whispers into my ear, causing me to stiffen and jerk back enough to stare at him this time. I don't think he understands what he's saying, so I shake my head back and forth.
"No…you don't," I tell him.
"I will wait however long you need me to, but you needed to know that. Whether you believe it or not, Ryan, it's the truth." Beau gazes deeply into my eyes, and I see that truth reflected in his.
"I-I need to grab some water…"
He helps me off his lap and I hurry to the kitchen. Of course, the fridge still needs to be stocked, so I grab a glass from the cupboard after finding the correct one and fill it with tap water. I guzzle it down before placing the glass on the counter and gripping the ledge of it with both hands. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and exhale.
"I crave the touch of your darkness just as much as you crave the kiss of the whip. I think you know how much that is…please, don't deny methat, baby."
