Page 54 of Twisted Bonds
"Ohh…it sounds like you're in trouble." Cayley grins. "You better go see what Dad wants before he has your ass…"
"Hey!" My mother and I say simultaneously.
"Don't make me wash your mouth out with hot sauce," I narrow my eyes playfully at my sister as I threaten her before leaving the room.
Thinking about how Cayley so casually called my father Dad is a surprise, but I'm happy she feels comfortable enough to do so. So long as he doesn't treat her poorly for not being his. Then again, my father has always wanted a daughter of his own.
I don't bother knocking when I get to my father's door. I just walk in and take a seat in front of his desk. He says nothing as he pulls a file from his desk drawer and tosses it toward me. "You need to read that. I never show anyone these files, but you need to know what you're getting yourself into."
I glance at the manilla file and notice Ryan's name in red on the tab. I stare at my father under hooded lids, not moving a muscle to reach for it. "Is that what I think it is?"
"It's Ryan's contract with me, along with her Limit's List and a few notes I added after talking with her therapist—with Ryan's consent, of course." Myfather leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. "It's imperative that you read it before you place any judgment on me or Ryan."
"Why are you giving this to me now?"
He sighs. "It's come to my attention that Ryan isn't doing well. She needs one of her sessions."
"Of course, she isn't doing well! Thanks to your lies and those bastard brothers, her life went to shit! I helped her put herself back together the first time, and I'll do it again."
"Beau, I can't apologize enough for my part in all this. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I know I was wrong and must live with that. Don't let Ryan suffer any more than she already does. Ryanhasneedsto help her get past the inner pain that eats at her."
"And I will help her when I get her to talk to me. We've had a rough start, and I'm sure it didn't help. I've made plans to take her on a nice vacation, and I have her friend Laney looking at her schedule for me," I tell my father. I don't need him butting in and making things worse.
"I know this. Laney is the one who came to me about Ryan. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known she was having such a difficult time. A vacation sounds nice, Beau, but have you asked Ryan what it is that you can do to help you both get past this hump? Have the two of you even talked about her sessions?"
The worst part about this conversation is that I'm beginning to feel that my father may be right. I want Ryan to be okay so badly, but not by how she treated herself before I came back. I want to be able to heal her myself and give her the love and attention that she deserves. Eventually, the cravings will go away—won't they? It's just like getting Ryan off the X years ago. I just need to be patient.
"Her screams wake you up every night, don't they?" I meet my father's worried stare.
I won't confirm it, but I won't deny it, either, as I sit here staring at my father from across the desk. He sighs long before standing up and going over to his safe. Watching him work the lock, I ask him about my mom.
"How are things going with Mom?"
"You should ask her that question. I can't get her to talk to me properly. She answers yes and no questions but doesn't offer me anything. She refuses to tell me about her life there and…"
"She was held prisoner and raped repeatedly every fucking day. Oh, and she was made to fuck her blind father-in-law. How do you think her life went? Does that mean you should pretend she isn't in the room when you come in like you did when you came for me?" I glare at him as he returns with a large envelope to the desk.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Beau," my father says, sitting back down across from me. "Your mother and I are working things out her way. If I had my way, I'd always have her with me, but she wants her space."
"At all times, huh? So, Ryan is completely gone from your mind, or what?" I'm being unreasonable, but I need to know how he feels about all this without asking him directly because he will never say it.
Slamming his hand down on the desk, he clenches his jaw and replies, "What do you want from me, Beau? Do you want me to work things out with your mother and let you have the love of your life back, or do you want me to say to hell with your mother and fight for Ryan?"
"Well, it seems you are more concerned withmy girlthan your own wife! What is all this? Do you stalk Ryan? Does she even know that you have all this stuff on her?"
"Of course, she knows. I don't keep anything from Ryan—I didn't keep anything from her," he corrects himself. "I have this because as her Dominant, it was my job to make sure I knew every aspect of her physical, emotional, and mental state. I needed to know how to help her, and believe it or not, Beau, Ryan came to me for this."
I watch my father pull a small tape recorder from the envelope and tilt it so two cassette tapes tumble out. Snatching one up, he places it inside the recorder and sets it on the table before standing up and walking to the door. I want to call out to him and ask where he's going, but the look he gives me when he turns back to look at me tells me he wants me to listen to them by myself. Picking up the lone tape on the desk, I read the label, "Ryan & Dr. Pearce."
As soon as the door clicks shut, I press the play button, and a woman's voice comes through the small speaker,"Where do you want to start today, Ryan? Should we pick up where we left off at our last session?"
"We might as well."Ryan's voice sounds dull, a little lifeless.
"We don't have to, Ryan, not yet anyway. It's only been a couple of weeks. If the wounds are too fresh, we can revisit them later."The otherwoman talks gently, and I can't help but think about how she should be urging Ryan to talk about it, not the other way around.
"No, I need to record it while it's all still fresh. I never want to forget the time spent with the D'Angelo brothers."Ryan's voice sounds like her mind is so far away, like she's dissociating, or at least trying to.
"Come sit down, and we can begin. It's a beautiful day outside, you should go for a walk later, and get some fresh air. You're looking a little peaked."
