Page 69 of Twisted Bonds
"Talk to him. Maybe there is something…I don't know…some kind of agreement or…"
I scoff, cutting her off, "Have you not met our son?"
Chloe grins. "Yeah, I know. He's very possessive; it's the Huntley blood. Still, talk to him. You both owe it to each other."
Wanting to change the subject, I walk over to my desk and open the top drawer. "I want you to take Cayley and the two of you go have a mother/daughter day tomorrow. It's the weekend, and you have barely been out of the house. Get new wardrobes and get your hair done or whatever females do."
"Bain, you don't have to…"
"Please, just because we won't be having the kind of marriage we once had, I will always take care of you. You deserve to be pampered and havethis day with the daughter you have never been allowed to have a relationship with."
Chloe's hand trembles as she reaches out and takes my credit card. "Thank you, Bain. I'm sorry I can't be who you need me to be."
I nod. "We will get through all this. We had a great friendship, too, you know. I hope we can get that part back, at least."
"I hope so, too."
I open my arms for her, not wanting to scare her by hugging her abruptly, and she walks into them. I sigh as I hug my wife and take in the familiar feel of what we once had. I truly hurt for her. I can't imagine the horror she went through all these years.
"Did you come to see me for something?" I ask as I let her go before it starts to overwhelm her.
"Oh, yes. Beau and I talked, and I wanted to be the one to tell you that your father will be here by Monday."
"I see." I clench my jaw.
"Bain, can you please try with him? I couldn't count how many times he has mentioned you in the long talks we had. He spoke so highly of you; he's proud of you."
"Maybe he should have shown it before the accident or maybe even showed that he was grieving the loss of his wife. Instead, he continued to work and never spoke of my mother again."
"He was grieving too, Bain. I'm not saying that he handled it well, but he was grieving, too. He couldn't get her out of the fire and had to watch the house burn down with his wife inside. Think on that for a while."
I watch as she turns and leaves my office, and just in time, too, because I need another fucking drink.
Thirty- Nine
Ryan
Beau had kept quiet, not asking me anymore about my flashback in the truck, which I am grateful for. In fact, we had a very pleasant lunch, reminiscing about our beginning. It's not like it was amusing at first, but we can pretty much laugh about it now. We have both grown up and been through some shit, so neither of us really want to waste time arguing.
I'm not sure what's in store for Beau and me yet. I love him so much and still want him, but I don't know if he will be enough forotherthings. When he reached over and took my hand on top of the table, I let him. His touch was just as comforting then as it was years ago. Even now, his company is comfortable as we take a long drive around the outskirts of town. He's been so angry lately, but I can hardly blame him.
Beau is frustrated. He wants to be with me like we were before the D'Angelos, and I would love that, but too much has happened. I want him to tell me about his time with his uncle, but I know he will want me to tell my story as well, and I get enough flashbacks without rehashing old wounds. So, we are at a standstill when it comes tous. Make no mistake, I still want him something fierce, but I also want his father.How fucked up is that?
Another thought that nags at me is, how do I know that something else won't happen the moment I let my walls down again like I did the first time. I'm not sure it's in the cards for me to truly be happy, because every time I get a snippet, it all crashes down. Against my better judgment,I had let Beau in, and even though he's not the one to blame for it, he's where it all started. Then, of course, there's Bain. Just when I found a trace of love again, shit hit the fan. I guess the question I have to ask myself is, is it worth it?
My walls crumbled once…but do I dare bring them down again?
"Hey, Ry." Beau squeezes my hand that rests on my lap. "Are you okay?"
"Oh, yes. I just have a lot on my mind. I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
Beau studies me with concern. "You didn't have another flashback, did you?" He slams his head back into the headrest, and I notice we are parked at Lookout Point. I can't believe how long I was in my own head. We had to have driven a good seven to eight minutes if we're here now. His voice grabs my attention again, "Fuck! Why does spending time with me always trigger them?"
I squeeze his bicep. "No, it wasn't a flashback, Beau. I promise."
He gazes at me skeptically. "You're not just saying that are you?"
I shake my head. "No. I was actually thinking of whether I should let my walls down again. Every time I do, something happens to take whatever happiness I find away. I love you, Beau, and I want you more than you think, but—"
