Page 16 of Tender Captivity
Tears started filling her eyes again. Holian’s heart broke for Jinna. It would have been crushing to lose a life partner, but to have both partner and child taken away at the same time must have been devastating.
“It wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?” he asked.
He’d dealt with soldiers who carried guilt for surviving when their comrades had not. Soldiers who felt themselves responsible despite all logic. He suspected Jinna harbored a similar sentiment.
“In my head I know it wasn’t my fault, but my heart feels differently.” She snorted out a humorless laugh. “I was abducted on the anniversary of their death. Every year, I get blind drunk and see if fate will let me live another day. When I woke up on my way to Talarian, I assumed slavery was my penance.”
“Penance?” he asked, confused.
“Penance for being alive when they weren’t,” she explained. “When I came to with a splitting headache and a collar around my neck, I figured death wasn’t far behind. Everyone knows slaves don’t live long. The idea that I was going to die was almost a comfort. No more having to force myself out of bed each day. No more struggling. I was almost eager for an excuse to give up.”
“But you didn’t give up,” Holian pointed out.
She gave a little shrug and burrowed her face against his neck. Her warm breath ghosted across the slip of exposed skin at the base of his neck. “When I was given to Nelaran and he hit me for any little thing, I suddenly wanted to survive. I was going to get away and make Nelaran look like an idiot.”
When Holian rumbled out a laugh, she followed with a watery chuckle. “Although I wish I could have hurt him more, I promise,between my beating and the Committee for Pet Welfare, Nelaran and his family have been humiliated. I heard his application to a local Agricultural Committee has been refused, and no one will take him on, even as a second or third chair. He has no career prospects in his chosen field now.”
“That’s good,” she agreed. “But there’s still something he could take away from me.”
“No, little flower,” Holian assured her. “You’re safe with me and my people. He won’t get his hand on you again.”
“I’m not afraid I’ll get taken away,” she argued. “I’m scared you’ll be ripped from me.” She took a few deep breaths before continuing. “It cost everything I had, but I had Mateo and Lind particulated and sealed in modified display crystals. Mateo’s was deep green and Lind’s was the same purple as the Iknal sky. By now my cabin has been reclaimed by the station and all my things have been stolen, sold, or thrown away. I’ve lost everything I had of them except my memories. That’s why I can’t lose you too. For the first time since their deaths, I care about something—you. Don’t take that away from me.”
Holian rumbled out a purr as he thought about her words. He wouldn’t lie to her or act unilaterally. He was scent-bonded, and she was in love. The next step needed to be done with her blessing or not at all.
And she needed to know everything that was at stake.
“We could run,” he began. “It would be fairly easy to be far away before anyone realized we were missing. The Talin Empire is large, but I have made many contacts outside the empire who would be willing to help us. I know of at least two places we could settle and probably never be found.”
“Then let’s go!” Jinna demanded, sitting up and meeting his gaze. “Please, Holian, do this for me. Survive for me.”
“Walking onto the Challenge platform doesn’t automatically mean my death,” he told her dryly. “You might not have much faith in my skills, but I’m adequately trained.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she argued. “You could still die. If we run, you’re much less likely to.”
“But others might,” Holian explained. “I’m the head of my family and my clan. There aren’t many of us so that means if we run away, my clan will be dissolved and all my property portioned out as rewards to others. That includes everyone under my care on Kalor. The retired soldiers living there will probably fight and die to try and get all the humans there away. But even if they manage to run, like us, it will be hard to hide so many so quickly. Even if I warn them, there aren’t enough transports or ships close enough to get everyone off Kalor in time. The human-Talin couples who live freely on my colony will be ripped apart. The Talins will die of Ending or be executed; the humans will be given to other families. Their hybrid children will be sent off to far colonies and hidden away, never to see their parents or friends again.”
As he spoke, he watched her expression grow more horrified. “I have to choose between risking your life and all those others?”
Holian hated to put this burden on her, but he’d learned his lesson with Sora. Humans needed more information, not less, to make their decisions. “I need you to understand that many rely on me. We are fighting to change Talin culture and laws, fighting to make the empire a better place for both Talins and humans. This Challenge is nothing but another battle in a long war.”
“But why you?” she whined. “Why can’t someone else fight?”
“Would you have traded the life of your son for the life of someone else’s son?” Holian asked. Jinna sucked in a sharp breath. It was a harsh question, but he knew his little human understood the broader implications.
“Low blow,” she muttered and sniffed a few times. He could tell she was thinking as she dropped her eyes and stared into space. “You need me to think horizontally instead of vertically. I get it, but I don’t have to like it.”
Now she had him confused. “Vertically? Horizontally?”
“When you think vertically it’s all about how everything affects you. Will my actions get me what I want? Even if it means I have to step on others in the process. Thinking vertically means you don’t care what happens to those under you.” She paused, regarding him with a questioning expression.
“I believe I understand what you mean so far, but please continue,” he urged.
“Horizontal thinking is a whole separate thing. If you think horizontally, you’re taking into account how your actions will affect everyone else. If we leave, I’m being selfish. If we stay, I’m acting horizontally because you play such a big role in keeping so many safe. I might lose you, but others won’t suffer worse losses. You live your life horizontally, so if I love you, I need to be prepared to do the same.”
Relief washed over Holian as he realized Jinna was agreeing to stay and let him fight. “I can’t guarantee I’ll win, but I promise I’m hard to defeat.”
“You better be,” she mumbled into his chest. “Because if they take you from me, I’m going to find some way to avenge you, and no one on this entire damn planet will come out unscathed.”
