Page 61 of The Gentleman Was Right
She promised herself she wouldn’t share her rioting thoughts or her valid concerns, and when they fell into step on the sidewalk, she vowed she would keep her heart closely guarded.
The rain fell in a steady drizzle just as he had promised, and he used a large umbrella he’d procured before they left to shield them. She missed the intimacy of being tucked into his side under his greatcoat. It was another item to add to the list of things she wanted but was trying to pretend she didn’t.
They had just turned into the park when she broke her promise to herself and said, “We’re married.”
He nodded once, his tone serious when he replied, “We are.”
“We’ll be together until death do us part.”
“We will,” he confirmed. “Are you…having second thoughts?”
“No,” she admitted softly, and even though she was horrified that she couldn’t hold onto her resolve to keep her concerns to herself for five minutes, she didn’t hold back. A part of her wanted to be honest with him, even if it scared her. “It was good between us last night. Too good. Better than I imagined. It was like we were connected—like we were one.”
He didn’t reply as he steered her toward the row of tall trees, halting when they were mostly shielded from anyone else who was foolish enough to be walking through the park in the rain.
His chin tipped downward, his lashes dropped slightly, and he studied her through them. If he was attempting to be seductive, he had more than succeeded. She wanted to lock her arms around his neck and then coax him into wrapping his body around hers.
“A healthy sexual relationship is a key component of a happy marriage,” he stated, without a sliver of hesitation or discomfort.
She didn’twantto like his poise.
Or the matter-of-fact way he spoke about the marriage bed.
But she couldn’t help it.
“It isn’t,” she started, and then stopped. She wouldn’t lie to him. Not about this. Not aboutanything. “I mean…obviously it is, but I don’t want my emotions to become involved in our marriage.”
“You don’t want your emotions to become involved,” he repeated. She expected him to be defensive or angry, but he was neither.
“It seems like it might be difficult to censor emotion,” he added, brushing the curls off his forehead and looking directly into her eyes. “Are you saying our coupling made you feel things you’d prefer not to feel?”
It wasn’t exactly how she would have put it, but—“Yes.”
His eyes sparkled while he struggled to maintain a serious expression, and she almost regretted her honesty.
“I cannot say I am disappointed by that development. My emotions are similarly engaged.”
She huffed. The fact that his feelings were involved was not helpful. If anything, it made their situation more complicated.
“I refuse to succumb to my emotions,” she told him.
He eased back onto his heels. “You don’t have to…I mean…I know that if I find myself falling in love with you, that love might be unrequited.”
Her mouth was dry. His words should have made her feel better, but they didn’t.
“Not might be,” she forced out. “Will be.”
“Understood.” It was difficult to tell from his expression if he was disappointed, but he didn’t sound particularly distressed when he asked, “Did you only realize this when you woke this morning?”
She nodded, and then shook her head. “I knew it already.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I should have told you before the wedding. Or yesterday, before…”
“You did.” He smiled faintly. “Maybe you didn’t say it explicitly, but even before our conversation yesterday, I was not under the misapprehension that you’re in love with me.”
“But youareunder the misapprehension that I’ll fall in love with you.” She pointed at him. “Don’t lie. I know you are,” she grumbled. “Affection. Bah. Is only another word for love.”
His faint smile quickly grew into a wide grin. “A man is nothing without his dreams.”
“Be serious.” She swatted his arm in frustration. “Unrequited love is unpleasant.” She was practically an expert on the matter. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
