Page 61 of The Lady Was Lying
“Why?” he asked again.
“I promised I wouldn’t seduce you,” she practically growled, clutching the book as if her life depended on it. It had been a promise to herself as much to him.
“What if I said that I want you to?” There was no doubt in his voice. Nothing to indicate he was lying, and yet she couldn’t quite make herself believe him. Was it because she was terrified by how much she wanted to?
“You don’t.”
“I do. I want to kiss you.”
“Absolutely not.” She was in danger of completely unraveling. She had no idea whether sharing a kiss with him would make everything better or worse, and therefore she couldn’t convince herself to take the risk.
“You asked me to kiss you,” he reminded her. “More than once.”
“You refused,” she countered. “More than once.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you then,” he said, reaching out slowly, cupping her cheeks and gently cradling her face with his palms. It was sweet and caring and awful.
“Please allow me to kiss you,” he whispered.
“No,” she sputtered, too scared to kiss him, and yet unable to move away from his touch. Her heart thudded in her chest, and the world narrowed until the only thing that existed was him.
Just him.
“Belinda.” His voice was soft, practically begging. “I want to kiss you.”
Had he completely lost his mind?
He’d rejected her. Twice. Promised he’d never kiss her.
He was the only man she knew who had not been swayed by her beauty. The only man she’d failed to lure. After he had rejected her, she’d spent time in his company, more than she should have, and without meaning to, she’d revealed glimpses of her true self. Tiny pieces of her soul that could be pieced together to expose the whole.
It was difficult to think, but even so, she knew she shouldn’t allow herself to share a kiss with him. There were so many reasons it was a horrid idea, but one rose above all others—what if he kissed her and she felt nothing?
It would break her heart.
Leave it shattered.
If kissing him left her cold inside, she’d be tempted to fling herself out of a moving carriage the next time she had the opportunity. Tumbling onto the hard ground would hurt less than discovering that she felt the same void with James as with all the others.
Just thinking about it caused a pang in her chest.
Her mother’s advice suddenly seemed unerringly pertinent. She’d already gotten to know James. Not in a traditional way perhaps, but they had argued and talked and danced and ridden in the park together.
Air rushed out of her lungs, and she had to consciously remind herself to inhale. “You don’t want to kiss me. You cannot.”
“I want to kiss you,” he repeated. Using his thumbs, he swiped at the tears that had welled in her eyes before they could trickle down her cheeks. “And I absolutely can. But I won’t if you don’t want me to.”
“I asked you twice. You told me never,” she replied, repeating herself and clinging to his rejection like it could somehow protect her from feeling anything at all.
“You did ask me twice. Practically begged me the second time. Told me you’d seduce me if I didn’t kiss you.” He wiped away another round of tears. “Consider me seduced. I’m sorry I refused before, but I didn’t know you then.” He paused, shaking his head slightly. “I thought I knew how courtship worked, but I didn’t. Now that I know you, I’ve realized courtship can take many forms.”
“It’s…too late.” The tightness in her chest made it difficult to breathe. “You might have decided you want to kiss me, but now that I’m thinking clearly, I’ve realized I don’t want to kiss you.”
It was a lie. Maybe the worst she’d ever told.
But it was the truth too.
“Really? Because the number of times you’ve looked at my lips during this conversation alone makes me think you’re lying.”
