Page 9 of The Lady Was Lying
“I do not want to search for a husband,” she reminded her sister through clenched teeth.
“So you’ve said.” Jane tutted. “You don’t have to actively search. Just allow yourself to be open to the possibility, and then, if you meet someone, you can see where it goes.”
“I am happy as I am.”
“You’re not.” Jane shook her head slowly. “You insist on being needlessly stubborn and clinging to the ridiculous belief that you’re meant to be alone.”
“I am meant to alone.” The night before had proven that morally-inclined gentlemen had no use for her. “And my stubbornness is my business.” Digging her fingernails into her palms wasn’t enough to halt the words streaming out of her mouth. She had never been particularly good at censoring herself, and as she was already grumpy, she was having a harder time than normal. “I don’t want a husband, and even if I did, I wouldn’t search for one now. This season is yours. The next is Louisa’s. Mine is in the past. Gone and done. I do not wish to revisit it.”
Jane wrinkled her nose. “Just because you did not secure a husband then, doesn’t mean you won’t now. Neither Louisa nor I are so selfish that we require our own season. You may pretend that you don’t want a traditional future, but I don’t believe you. I’m not sure what is holding you back, but we both know you could have men begging for your attention.”
Finding men who were interested had never been the problem. “Maybe you aren’t aware, but I made a bit of a spectacle of myself the last time I was untethered in society, and I’d hate if my propensity to attract trouble ruined your chance of a suitable match.”
Jane raised her chin haughtily and waved away Belinda’s concerns. “Did you not see me last night? I’m a smashing success. I’ve received eleven floral arrangements this morning alone. I’ll secure a proposal within a month. Maybe less.”
Belinda rolled her eyes. Leave it to Jane to be smug about her prospects. “The tides can turn quickly. It’s safer for you if I remain mostly out of sight until after you are wed. I know you believe I’m being ridiculous, but I have navigated this world before, and I assure you, my impulsiveness could interfere with your options if I am not careful.”
“Nonsense.” Jane frowned. “I do not know why you insist on believing you cannot control yourself.” She paused, as if thinking, and then added, “You’re not getting any younger. What if Louisa decides not to debut next year? Or what if she doesn’t secure a husband immediately? Will you wait forever?”
“I’m not waiting. I don’t intend to marry,” Belinda snapped.
“Whyever not?” Jane asked again.
“Because I don’t want to.”
“It isn’t that.” Jane shook her head. “It’s something else. You have to know that I’m not threatened by whatever happened in your past, and my husband won’t be either.”
“You don’t have a husband,” Belinda reminded her. “And you might not be threatened by my past, but whether you recognize it or not, I could be a threat to your future. Even Sebastian cautioned me to be mindful of my actions during the ball.”
“He did what?” Jane’s eyes widened.
“Sebastian remembers my season. He was here, and he witnessed my lack of respectability.” At the time she hadn’t cared, but now she was a smidge embarrassed by how she’d treated their brother during her first trip to London. Even though it had been his fault she was debuting, he hadn’t deserved her disdain. “Since then, he’s been smart enough to listen when I tell him I don’t intend to marry.”
“Is Sebastian the reason you refuse to join us at other engagements? Has he convinced you that you aren’t worthy of a husband?”
“He’s done nothing of the sort. Our brother would never do such a thing. I am simply suggesting that you weren’t here when I debuted, so you cannot say whether my behavior could harm your chances of making a match or not.”
“Years have passed, and everyone has forgotten whatever happened then.” Jane waved her hand in the air. “You’re looking at this in entirely the wrong way. My popularity is going to continue to grow. I’m going to dazzle everyone, and once I secure a betrothal, I’ll be in an optimal position to help you find a partner. The husband of your dreams.”
“I don’t want a husband,” Belinda shouted.
Jane flinched, her eyes impossibly wide. “Whyever not?” she asked for the third time.
“Because I’m broken.” The truth Belinda didn’t like to share spilled from her lips. “Unworthy of marriage.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean.”
Admitting deficiencies was hard, but Jane would not understand unless Belinda tried to explain. “I do not feel passion,” she confessed softly. “My mind says I should, but my body does not agree.”
Jane looked perplexed. “I still don’t understand.”
“When you think about kissing a boy—a man—how do you feel?”
Jane bit her lip, a blush creeping into her cheeks. “Excited?”
Belinda pursed her lips. Excited wasn’t the wrong answer, but it didn’t properly illustrate what she lacked. “Sure, but it’s more than that. You’re blushing just considering it. You’re exhibiting a physical response to a hypothetical kiss.”
“Of course I’m blushing. I haven’t ever been kissed.”
