Page 41 of Healing Hearts
I slump back in my chair, my heart pounding as if I've justrun a marathon. The silence in my small home office feels oppressive, broken only by the ticking of the antique clock on my desk.
"What am I going to do?" I whisper to Pickles, running my fingers down his back as he purrs loudly.
The thought of revealing myself as Sophie Quinn sends a wave of panic through me. I stand up abruptly, needing to move, to do something. Pacing the room, I try to imagine what it would be like to step out from behind the curtain…to show the world who I really am.
"Hi, I'm Brooke, but you might know me better as Sophie Quinn," I practice saying out loud, then immediately cringe. "God, that sounds ridiculous."
I pause at the window, looking out at the quiet street of our small town. How would my neighbors react if they knew? Would Joan and the other Walking Ladies treat me differently? Of course they would. They’d be shocked. And what about my friends? They have no clue that I write and finding out that I’m the author of the books that they have been raving about might kill our friendship.
And Trevor... what would he think? Would he be embarrassed to be dating someone that writes sex scenes, or would he feel emasculated by the differences in our income? I’m sure he thinks he makes way more money than an elementary school librarian, and he would be right, but that money just goes directly to my retirement account. Sophie Quinn’s money is what pays my bills.
The image of his warm smile flashes in my mind, followed quickly by the memory of our kiss. My cheeks flush, and I press my forehead against the cool glass.
"Trevor," I murmur. "Would you still want me if you knew?"
I turn back to my desk, eyeing the manuscript I've beenworking on. It's my best work yet, full of passion and depth. Is it worth sacrificing my anonymity and my peaceful life here?
"Maybe I'm just not cut out for fame," I say to the empty room. "Maybe I should just keep things as they are."
But even as the words leave my mouth, I know it's not that simple. Melissa's right - I can't keep hiding forever. Sooner or later, I'll have to make a choice, I just thought I’d have more time.
I sink back into my chair, feeling utterly overwhelmed. "I'm just not ready," I whisper, closing my eyes. "Not yet, but soon."
Chapter 16
Trevor
The sharp scent of antiseptic mingles with the aroma of burnt coffee as I shuffle through the cafeteria line, my surgeon's scrubs still damp with sweat from this morning's grueling but successful operation. I grab a wilted sandwich and collapse into a plastic chair, the buzz of conversation around the cafeteria washing over me.
"You look like hell, Jacobs," a passing nurse quips.
I manage a wry smile. "Thanks for the compliment, Martinez. I feel even worse than I look."
As I take a half-hearted bite of my terrible sandwich, my mind drifts back to the OR. Vivian's face swims into focus - her pissed off eyes narrowed in concentration as she fumbled with the equipment, disrupting my rhythm and almost killing the patient. Again.
"Damn it," I mutter, running a hand through my hair.
What am I going to do about her? This can't go on. Patients' lives are at stake. I take a swig of lukewarm coffee, grimacing at the bitter taste. What I wouldn’t give for the Bean & Bagel to open with some decent coffee. Only a few more months, I hear, until it’s open again.
"Roughmorning?"
I glance up to see Dr. Chen settling into the chair across from me, her kind eyes curious.
"You could say that," I sigh. "Remember that traveling nurse I mentioned?"
Dr. Chen nods, leaning in. "The ex-girlfriend?"
"That's the one. She managed to get herself assigned to my OR again today, getting in the way, dropping the entire tray of sterile instruments. I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this. Her. I had to kick her out again and get another scrub nurse to replace her. One more competent."
"Have you spoken to Administration about it yet?"
I shake my head. "Not yet. I was hoping to handle it myself, but..."
"But she's not taking the hint," Dr. Chen finishes.
"Exactly." I push my tray away, my appetite gone. "I need to figure out how to get through to her without making things worse for me or the hospital."
Dr. Chen pats my arm sympathetically. "You'll find a way, Trevor. You always do."
