Page 25 of Just Desserts in Pelican Point
She meets my gaze, eyes wide. "I do?"
"Yeah. Do you also talk to your muffins when you think no one’s listening?"
That earns me a shove to the arm. Not hard. Just enough to say shut up in a very cute Julie kind of way.
"That is privileged information, Officer King."
We walk a few more paces in silence. I count the steps, not because I need to, but because it keeps me from doing something reckless like grabbing the back of her neck, pulling her in, and kissing her madly.
She glances at me again. "You surprised me tonight."
"How so?" I’m thankful for the distraction.
"You laughed. Like a real, actual laugh. I wasn’t sure you had that in your arsenal."
"It’s rare," I admit, fighting a smile.
"Well, it was a good one. You should use it more often."
We reach a break in the hedges, a small bench overlooking the ocean. I pause, and she follows my lead, dropping onto the bench with a quiet sigh.
"You okay?" I ask.
She nods. "Yeah. Tired. In a good way, I think. It felt nice to laugh again. To just... exist without it feeling like everything was heavy. I’m taking Emma’s advice and not dwelling on Mrs. Waverly or the attempted robbery."
I nod slowly. I know that feeling. More than I should.
"Thanks for coming tonight," she adds, turning slightly to face me. "It meant a lot."
I glance away, out toward the dark water. "Tonight was a bit outside of my comfort zone."
"Why?"
I take a breath. Not deep. Not steady. Just enough to speak. "I'm not good at people. Crowds. Laughing. Pretending everything's normal. All of it… it leaves me feeling conflicted."
She watches me, quiet and still. She’s letting me have my moment and I can’t tell her how much I appreciate that.
"When I returned from deployment," I say slowly, "I didn’t know how to fit anymore. I felt, feel, completely out of place. Like the world moved on while I was frozen in a nightmare. So, I turned to woodworking and built things. Tables. Chairs. Walls. Whatever I could to stay busy. Stay focused."
"To stay numb," she says softly, acknowledging a truth I’ve been fighting hard to admit.
I look at her. She doesn’t flinch. "Yeah. Exactly."
I don’t mean to keep going, but the words come anyway despite the inner battle raging inside me. "I used to hate nights like this. Quiet ones. The silence after coming home, when every quiet moment gave me too much room to fall back into my head. It would drag me back to one horrible night."
Julie nods while looking over the water. "Why?"
"Because it gave my mind too much space to go there."
She doesn’t ask where ‘there’ is. She just waits.
I shove my hands into my pockets, unsure why I’m even saying this. “One mission.” I heave a sigh. “It went to shit fast, and I lost three guys in under five minutes. One of them was my best friend, Matt. I... I was in charge. I made the call, and he lost his life."
Julie doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t pity me, either. She just reaches out and brushes her fingers against my arm and then takes my hand. "I’m sorry." Her tone is a mix of empathy and something else – a silent understanding of my torment.
"You didn’t do anything,” I counter weakly, the words bouncing between self-reproach and desperate need for absolution.
"Doesn’t mean I’m not sorry it happened." Her voice is soft but strong, and it grounds me.
