Page 35 of Claimed By the Heartless Highlander
He couldn’t answer. She watched him for a moment, her disappointment now tempered by sadness instead of anger. After a minute passed in silence, she whispered, “Can ye at least give me some idea of why? I might not agree, but I think I could at least bear it better if I hadsomeidea why ye are the way ye are.”
“I cannae protect ye otherwise.” He tried to say more, to explain, but the words simply wouldn’t come. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t reveal the truth to her. He couldn’t risk himself, or Lily, that way. Not even for her.
“Protect us from what? Ye did well enough with the bandits in the woods, and ye have little threats around ye, isolated as ye are.”
He should tell her. He should give her some idea of what he was facing, and what Jack had told him. But long-held caution kept his tongue still, despite the fact that a part of him longed to tell her everything.
After a moment, she sighed. “As ye will. I can see ye’re nae ready to tell me aught. Ye cannae trust me, it seems, even though ye clearly ken more about me than anyone else and ye hold me dreams in yer hands.”
She moved over to his desk and sat down, then took a piece of paper from the tray, along with a quill and inkwell. He longed to ask what she was doing, but her words had frozen his tongue.
What right had he to demand anything of her? She was right, after all.
She wrote out a short missive, folded it, and sealed it with a dot of wax. Then she rose, her expression still filled with that mix of sadness, hurt, and resignation. “Ye have messengers at the stables?”
“Aye.” He swallowed. “Will ye tell me what that is?”
He couldn’t demand it, though he wanted to. He feared it was the letter she’d threatened to send to her father. From the look on her face, she guessed the direction his thoughts were going.
Her expression softened just a bit. “’Tis a letter for Maisie and Keith, to tell them I’m comin’ to visit within the next few days, and I’ll be stayin’ a while.”
“Ye will?”
“Aye.” She shook her head. “I cannae stay here, nae like this. I cannae keep livin’ in this constant state of being pulled too close one moment and shoved away the next. ‘Tis nae fair to me. And ‘tis nae fair to Lily for me to be constantly here, caught between yer demands that I avoid her and her own need for company and the friendship of someone—anyone.”
He wanted to protest, but as usual, she gave him no time. “So, as soon as arrangements are made, I’ll be visitin’ Maisie. And I’ll nae be comin’ back unless I receive a letter from ye sayin’ that ye trulywantme to return.”
She went to the door, then paused. “Two words of wisdom for ye, Duncan Wallace. First, dinnae write that letter unless ye’re willin’ to let me into yer life as more than just a shadow on the edges of yer secrets, yer family and yer clan.”
She took a deep breath. “And second, though ye may hate me for sayin’ it, dinnae hold yer daughter so close and so sternly. The way ye’re going, ye may drive her to write to a ‘Laird Imaginary’ of her own afore too long. And what will ye do then, when she’s that desperate for companionship and freedom that she’s seeking any lover, real or nae, to help her escape?”
Then she was gone, her last words ringing in his ears like the warning knell of the alarm bell.
Duncan collapsed into his chair, his head and his heart hurting in a way that entirely eclipsed the untended ache in his engorged shaft.
After a moment, he took a deep breath and rose to pour himself a glass of whiskey. He sipped it slowly as the ache in his chest and below his belt both subsided.
Ailis didn’t understand, and he wasn’t strong enough to tell her the truth. Not about himself or what had happened seven years ago. And as much as that pained him, he had more important things to worry about.
There were watchers in the shadows and the chance that Clan Fraser was moving against them once again. If his fears were correct, then they were all in danger. That took precedence over Ailis’s hurt feelings, or even Lily’s desire to escape the castle.
And perhaps it was for the best. If Ailis was hurt and angry enough to go to her friend, then she would be safe at least. Laird MacDean was known to be a fierce warrior and a strong defender of his people and his friends and allies.
He briefly considered sending Lily with her but dismissed the idea. That might make them too tempting a target, especially if Clan Fraser was renewing the feud between their clan and his. They would be too vulnerable on the road.
Besides, Ailis would ask questions, and if he couldn’t answer them now, how would he be able to answer them then?
With another sigh, Duncan refilled his drink and leaned back in his chair.
His personal life might be a disaster, but there were threats to be dealt with, and work to do. He might be a failure as a fiancé, or a proper husband, but he would continue to do his best to be a good laird and a good father.
What other choice did he have?
CHAPTER14
The weekthat followed the confrontation in the study was one of the most difficult Ailis had ever experienced. Her conflicting emotions gave her headaches, her sleep was restless, and her appetite was lacking. And yet she had to try and put on a brave face for everyone, especially Lily.
Lily was a joy to be around, and although Ailis was careful never to venture beyond the walls with the bairn again, there was plenty to do in the garden, or the stables, or the library.
