Page 102 of The Last Thing
I force myself not to look back.
It’s only two days.
But it’s two days where most of my heart will be elsewhere.
“Explainto me why sitting in the window seat is better when you’re terrified of flying,” I ask my sister.
She makes a squeaky noise in response. She only went on her first flight back in February—where she met Mark—because she’s always been scared of heights.
From the row in front of us, Justin laughs. He turns in his seat so he can see into our row. “Seriously, how did you survive your first flight?”
“I had a hot as fuck god-like man sit down next to me and offer his hand. I knew I wouldn’t survive flying without him, so I decided to keep him.” Her face falls a little. “I just didn’t count on him not being here for some of them.”
Frannie is able to ride with the team to any out-of-town games she wants to attend, so this is her first flight without Mark. Though she’s only gone to one of his games that they flew to. Despite them having a bye week, they still had some team requirements yesterday and today, so they’re flying out tomorrow afternoon and leaving Sunday morning with the rest of us.
We agreed to fly out today—Tuesday—so we’d have some extra time with Kennedy and Devon, and to help prep for the wedding.
“Anyway, the window helps because it makes me feel less claustrophobic. Once we’re in the air I’m sort of okay. Takeoff and landing do me in.”
I hold out my hand to her. “I know I’m not Mark, but squeeze away. Try to take deep breaths and not overthink it. We’re going to be fine.”
Frannie’s eyes meet mine.
“That’s much nicer than what you said when I was panicking during my first flight.”
“Sarcastic texts are my love language.”
She slowly shakes her head. “I asked you to be calming and how you would respond to kids and you told me you’d put onBluey.”
I laugh at that. “I would. But only if there was an epic meltdown. I’d try to make it sound exciting. If that didn’t work, I’d try to relate to them in some way or talk about how I overcome fears. Mostly I’d want them to know they were safe.” I elbow her lightly. “You’re safe.”
“You’re going to be a great mom,” she whispers, squeezing my hand.
I squeeze hers back.
I hope she’s right. But lately, I’m not only thinking about being a mom to my baby. I’m thinking about being a mom to Sophia. Being a partner to Wilson. Becoming a pillar of our little family.
At times it’s overwhelming, but I’ve never wanted anything more.
“Over here!”Kennedy calls loudly, waving to us. Devon is at her side, a smile on his face as he waves.
Frannie and I take off running, and I let the two of them collide in a hug before carefully joining in.
“I missed you both so much,” Kennedy says, an arm around each of us.
“We missed you too,” Frannie says.
“I missed you so much, I went and got pregnant so I wouldn’t be so lonely.” I dramatically stick my lip out, but she ignores it, stepping back and taking a good look at me.
“Oh my god. Look at your cute little bump.” She puts her hand on my stomach. “Hey, baby. I’m your auntie Kennedy and we’re going to get into lots of trouble together.”
“And I’ll be there to send bail money,” Frannie teases.
We collapse into another group hug, and my heart feels home in a different way. It’s a nostalgic, peaceful home that reminds me of my childhood and how I became the person I am.
I’ve missed it. But it’s not the feeling of home I crave anymore.
For me, home has always been where the people I love are, but who those people are and the intensity of that love has shifted.
