Page 104 of The Last Thing
“Yes,” I huff. “He has. And I’ve… tried. Sort of.”
“Hal, you need to tell him,” Justin says.
“Go easy on her,” Brian says, always the most understanding. “None of you have all your shit together. And love is complicated.” He looks at me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to throw you under the bus like that.”
“It’s okay. It’s just… hard for me. I kept love at arm’s length for so long. I don’t know…”
I run my fingers over the chain at my neck. The one that holds half a heart with the word I can’t say on it.
Frannie watches me carefully, her expression serious. “Is this because of Gran and Pop?”
My eyes meet hers, and I give a tiny nod. “That’s where it started.”
“Wait. Why?” Kennedy asks, genuinely confused. “They had a beautiful love story.”
“They did,” I admit, heart clenching, remembering Gran telling it and Pop laughing and interjecting things.
“You weren’t there the night he died,” Frannie says to Kennedy. “I’ll never forget the way she screamed and cried. How she said…” Her eyes drift back to me. “How she said she was supposed to die first because she didn’t want to live without him. Is that what you’ve been afraid of this whole time? Not love itself, but loving someone so much?—”
“Yes,” I choke out. “And I know it’s stupid. I’ve learned you can’t stop love. And the way I love him and our baby and Sophia is so much bigger and more profound than I knew love could be,but it still terrifies me. To lose any of the three of them would destroy me. Losing him… I would be screaming on the floor. Saying it out loud to him has a finality to it. Like I’m testing the universe.Look, I finally found love and I’m stupidly happy.What if it all gets ripped away? I know Gran found her peace and she’s living an amazing life now, but it still scares me.”
“I had no idea,” Kennedy says. “But I can’t fault you for being scared.” She takes Devon’s hand. “I was terrified to mess up our friendship.”
“So was I,” he says, looking at her like she hung the stars.
“And I was terrified to get on a plane—and to open my heart and fully trust someone,” Frannie says.
Mark squeezes her arm. “I was afraid to be honest about who I was or believe that fate could really blindside me the way it did.”
“Love’s good at that,” Justin says with a laugh.
“He’s right. It blindsided me and I was afraid to believe it could be real,” Jade says.
“I was afraid to scare you away.” Justin smiles at her, then moves his chair closer to hers.
“You know I get it,” Brian says. “I’m scared of loving someone and not being loved in return.”
There’s a beat of silence, then Hardy shakes his head. “Don’t look at me. I’m not scared of anything.”
But the way he quickly looks away, particularly avoiding Brian’s gaze, tells me that’s not true. And whatever he’s scared of has to do with Brian and the connection between them.
“Minus Hardy’s bullshit, I think what most of us are saying is it’s okay to be afraid. But love is worth taking the risk and pushing past your fears for.” Justin gives me a gentle smile, then squeezes my arm.
“Noted,” I say quietly.
Thankfully, the topic of conversation moves on after that, but my mind keeps drifting to Wilson. I’ve admitted I love him to everyone else. I’ve told Sophia I love her. He needs to hear it from me. I need to get over my stupid fears because he deserves to be loved the same way he loves me.
My hand goes to my chest and through my shirt I trace the letters etched into the necklace.L-o-v-e.
Hopefully by the time I see Wilson tomorrow, I can grow some ovaries and finally say the words that have been twisting inside me for weeks now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
WILSON
“We only gotto see the Golden Gate Bridge for like two seconds, so we have to do that first.”
I love my daughter with all my heart and soul, but she never stops talking. Especially when she’s excited. And as I’m trying to navigate us through the San Francisco airport, a little less chatter would be nice.
