Page 38 of Drowned in the Pleasure of a Devilish Baron
If being a lady means I cannot be with the man I love, then maybe I no longer wish to be a lady.
It was an immensely freeing thought, and she could feel her shoulders lifting as if a burden had been dropped from her shoulders. This did not mean she wanted to run recklessly to Felix and give up all stakes of propriety, but she would forgive herself for allowing their moments together to day by day drift so far past what was proper and ladylike.
I love him.
Love was the answer to it all. She could not imagine another gentleman making her feel the way Felix had made her feel, could not imagine another gentleman taking such tender care of her, arising such powerful feelings within her. He was her only one.
Upon arriving home, she greeted her mother and then went to her room, ostensibly to begin the next portion of her embroidering project. However, once she had closed her door, turning the key in the lock as quietly as she could, she sat at her desk. From the bottom drawer, she removed the copy ofFordyce’s Sermon to Young Women, a lady’s conduct book her mother had insisted she read at least twice a year, and put it aside.
Beneath this book was a stack of paper, the love letter to Felix she had begun writing so recently. Every chance she got, she added a few lines to it. She had always loved to use writing as an outlet for her dreaminess, or “drifts” as her family so lovably referred to them. It was a way for her to center herself, to focus, and to suss out her true feelings.
In life, she was an obedient daughter, a respected lady of theton,though not wealthy and lacking a real title. In her head, however, thoughts and dreams pulled at her, ideas of another way of life, of finding a level of independence and being able to be her true self. Writing was her way of describing those dreams, or creating an image of a different life, one perhaps she could one day lead.
This letter was equal parts a dream of a life with Felix, and a love letter telling him all that he meant to her. She wrote a bit after every day they spent together, recounting what had happened, how he made her feel.
* * *
Downstairs, with the daughter of the house writing incendiary passages just above their heads, John and Lady Marlow were speaking in low voices.
“Any word from the gentleman himself?”
“He’s arriving on the next ship,” John said. “He is available for dinner on Sunday evening. Can you pull something together by then?”
Lady Marlow thought quickly. “It shall have to be rather grand. Sell off one of the calves and I will make it so.”
John nodded. “When should we tell Sarah?”
His mother rolled her eyes. “She is sure to have a fit of the dramatics when we do. Let us wait until the last possible moment.”
“I trust your judgement. So long as we do not wait too long. She will need some time to adjust to the idea. We cannot have her acting poorly in front of our guest because she is shocked.”
“No, of course not.” Lady Marlow clucked. “The poor dear. She will be ever so upset, and yet, it must be done.”
“It must,” John echoed.
“But it is for the good of the family. We both love our dear little Sarah, but she has always been such a dreamer. I do try constantly to educate her. She should know by now that it is her duty as the only daughter of our house to marry well. Think of all we have done for her over the years! Fed her, clothed her, taught her to be a lady. And we only ask this one small thing in return.” She sighed heavily. “Thank goodness for you, John.” She smiled at him and patted his cheek fondly.
“Sarah is a good girl. She will do what we tell her to do.”
“I should hope so, for that is how she was raised.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice still further. “Tell me, what news of your own prospective marriage?”
John’s eyes glinted with triumph. “I have arranged an introduction to the lady in question. Her family’s ties to our gentleman guest intrigued her father at once. I will be attending the fox hunt tomorrow, and hope to use that time to grow closer to her. The dinner, in particular, is my chance. The lady fancies herself untouchable for now, but I plan to fell her with my charms.” His lips quirked up in a sideways grin.
“If any gentleman can, it is my darling boy,” she said proudly. “Now, you may have to make use of some tricks if you are to truly catch her attention. Have you prepared for that?”
He nodded. “I have a plan in place.”
“Excellent.”
They were interrupted by a polite knock at the door. “Enter,” Lady Marlow called.
Rebecca stepped in and closed the door behind her. “Miss, I do apologize for disturbing you and Lord Marlow.”
“I know you wouldn’t do it unless it was important.” Lady Marlow said, but the warning in her voice rang clearly.
“Something happened today that I believe you should be aware of. If I may speak plainly?” Rebecca said, her eyes on the floor and hands clasped behind her back.
“Go on. We have important matters to discuss here.” John said impatiently.
