Page 61 of Drowned in the Pleasure of a Devilish Baron
More recently, he had taken many a note and letter addressed to Juliet from Sarah before his sister had moved away to start her own family. He stroked a thumb across the carefully written name on the page before him, and knew Sarah’s handwriting at once, as clearly as if it were her voice speaking the name from the page.
He toyed with the sheet in his fingers, thinking of her own hand on this page, likely this very day, and warmed at the thought. Glancing at the door, he gently opened one of the corners.
“It’s not my business,” he said aloud to himself, knowing that it was wildly rude to open the note and read it, something that Sarah had meant for Juliet’s eyes only, but also knowing that he would not be able to resist. He only wanted to see her words, to hear her voice, just for a moment, even if the words were not intended for him. Like eavesdropping. That’s what he told himself, at least. It had been a terrible day, perhaps the worst day. The tiniest way to connect with Sarah would be a comfort.
With a twinge of guilt tied to anticipation, he carefully unfolded the rest and began to read.
His eyes went first to his name, at the center of the letter, and he knew he should certainly put the note away now. Even as he thought it, he was already tracing the words. A smile warmed his face at her words.
She misses me desperately.
It was precisely the tonic to the day he had had, more than he could have hoped for, far superior to any glass of wine. He traced the line once more.I miss Felix desperately. His breath seemed to come more easily now, and he noticed that he was suddenly sitting up straight once more, no longer sunken into the cushions of his couch.
But there was more to read, her words leaping from the page He started from the beginning and read it through, and as he did, the words landed like a blow to his chest as she mentioned a suitor, a Lord Ashton, wanting her hand and asking Juliet for help finding information on the man. He stood and pushed his hand back through his hair and began to pace the room.
Her family had found her another suitor? An earl? They were speaking of marriage so quickly, when it had only been weeks since he had spoken to them of his own intentions? He remembered what John had said earlier, about selling her off to someone, a man who was willing to pay to have her.
His steps quickened as he walked the length the room, once, twice, a third time. He made himself stop and read it again.
Sarah, a Countess? Who was this Lord Ashton? The name rang a bell, but he could not place it. He ran his fingers through his hair once more, knowing that when Leonard returned he would look wild-haired, his curls all over the place, but past the point of caring.
Then all of the fire, every part of him shouting its refusal inside him left him, as one sickening piece of reality smacked him in the face. Boneless, he sank into the nearest chair and came to terms with it.
She would be better off.
What did he have to offer her, but a life of scraping by and despair? Perhaps if his fields had not burned today, if he had not lost so much of his work while still owing a massive debt, perhaps then, there would have been a chance. He could have stood up and fought for her, knowing that her place was with him, and his with her.
He let the page fall to the floor and dropped his face into his hands. There was nothing to be done, except to let her go.
It was into this pit of despair that Leonard reentered the room. Even without looking up, Felix knew he had by the scent of smoke and ash he brought in with him.
“Felix?” Leonard came quickly to his side, putting a hand on his shoulder. “What’s happened? Was there another letter?”
“In a way.”
“What?” Leonard demanded. “What is it?”
Felix picked his head up at last. “Sarah has another suitor. A gentleman, an earl.” His throat ached just saying the words, but he forced himself to continue. “Her family wants her to be married, and from the sounds of it, it would happen soon.”
“Well, that’s terrible, but there is still time to change it!” Leonard’s face filled with relief. “No need to give up yet, just because there is another suitor. You know that a thousand and one things can cause a courtship to end or fall through.”
Felix closed his eyes and took a breath. “I have to let her go.”
“What?”
“It’s best for her.” He opened his eyes and picked up the letter, handing it to Leonard before walking to the fireplace and resting one hand on the mantle. “I have to let her go. It is time for me to bow out.”
Leonard glanced quickly at the letter and then looked back at him. “What on earth are you saying? Felix, surely you cannot be so quick to give up, not now, after everything?”
He could not meet Leonard’s eye. “After everything? Do you mean after securing a massive loan from not one, but two friends? After losing all of the work we built in a single day? After securing a future of being penniless and prospect-less, scraping by each day to work only to pay off what I owe?”
“Felix—”
But a voice at the door interrupted them. “Sir, you have a visitor.” Harriet sounded hesitant.
“Who would be visiting now?” Leonard glanced at the fading light outside.
“Tell them to go,” Felix said tiredly. “I’m not seeing anyone now.”
