Page 93 of Sinful Persuasion of a Lady in the Making
Chapter Thirty-Three
The following morning, Diana and Lord Denninson took a walk through the park, Diana’s lady’s maid trailing behind them.
“I am so terribly sorry about my brother’s behavior last night,” she said tentatively. “I manages to always embarrass or harass me one way or another.”
“It was rather eventful, I must say,” Lord Denninson said with a chuckle.
“I am surprised you do not hate us.”
“Hate you!”
He turned to her, his expression one of deep surprise. She furrowed her brow in confusion. The idea that anyone could be so kind and understanding baffled her. How could henothate them, when Diana herself was so full of hatred?
“My Lady, I can assure you that hate is the furthest thing from my mind. I would not have invited you out today, if I had even the least bit of dislike.”
“But Sebastian—”
“Behaved badly, indeed.” Thomas bowed his head in agreement, and the two began to walk again. “But I don’t believe it warrants hate of any sort. He was clearly very emotional, and I have a certain level of sympathy for any gentleman going through difficult times.”
“Difficult times,” she muttered, the words leaving her with a bad taste in her mouth. “You are too kind.”
They lapsed into silence, Lord Denninson’s strides broad and confident to Diana’s more dainty ones. In truth, Diana didn’t know how to feel about Lord Denninson’s allowance of her brother’s comportment. She was pleased, of course, that he did not harbor negative feelings for her or her family, but it also made her feel angry that Sebastian wasn’t being held accountable for his actions. Her thoughts whirred for the long moment of quiet, before Lord Denninson interrupted them.
“You and he… you have a somewhat difficult relationship, I believe. But he is your brother. I am curious at your… dislike of him, if that is not too harsh a word.”
Diana could hear the hesitancy in his voice—not because he didn’t know what to say, but because he didn’t know how Diana would react. It was evident thoughtfulness and she was grateful for that.
“My brother’s actions have blighted my life, ever since he was very young.” Her voice was quite, somber, full of the sadness and blame she felt.
“How so?” he asked.
He seemed genuinely curious, as though he really did want to know the answer. She had never experienced that before—she was normally brushed off as the bitter spinster sister with nothing worthwhile to say.
“My parents died rushing to get back to him, when he was a boy and he was sick. If it wasn’t for him, they would still be alive, and my life would have been better in every sense. I certainly would not be five-and-thirty and still unwed.”
There was another long pause, and Diana could sense Lord Denninson’s thoughts. He was truly considering her words instead of merely dismissing them, and it felt refreshing.
“Have you ever considered that, perhaps, you’re being a little hard on him?”
“How so?” she asked, repeating his earlier words.
“Well, it seems to me that Lord Hartwood was but a slip of a boy at the time, and I doubt very much he infected himself with whatever sickness ailed him. Even if you were to blame him for that bit, you cannot blame him for the loss of control of their carriage. It seems to me very unlikely that Sebastian is to blame for your parents’ death.”
“I can see some sense in what you are saying,” she said, her tone harsher now as she felt an irritation rising in her. “But even if I agreed with your sentiment, that doesn’t allow for all his behaviors afterwards. The gambling and the drinking and the lack of respect in society.”
“Perhaps not,” Lord Denninson said. “But you have to wonder how being blamed for your parents’ death affects you, as a person. And am I right in thinking he went to war, too? That alone is enough to make a man retreat from proper society, I would say.”
“So you are excusing all his actions!” Diana could feel herself growing annoyed, even as the truth of his words settled within her.
“I’m not excusing anything, My Lady. Apart from anything else, I do not know you or your brother well enough to make any kind of informed judgement. But what I am saying is that perhaps your brother needs your love, rather than your wrath, and maybe not everything is his fault, after all.”
Diana said nothing more, but a stone settled in her stomach. He was right and she knew it, but she had held onto those beliefs for so very long that she wasn’t sure how easy it would be to change them.
But I resolve to try.
* * *
That afternoon, Sebastian huddled over on one side of the sofa, his head buried in his hands, and he groaned. His head throbbed with last night’s alcohol, but also with the memories of what had happened. He had indeed made a fool of himself, and he didn’t know how he would repair the damage he had done.
