Page 63 of A Naughty Proposal for His Winter Countess
“Please,” Harriet implored, “I can’t have you hate me.”
“Oh, Dear,” Lily consoled her. “No matter what, I will never hate you. I’ve been there when you made some very questionable choices, but I will never hate or judge you for them.”
Swallowing her fear, Harriet told her dearest friend about the night she had met Daniel, how she had written a letter to Lily about wanting to dally with Lord Dawson but how Daniel had found it.
“He warned me not to pursue it,” Harriet whispered. “And that, in exchange, he could teach me another way in hopes that I’d change. By holding the letter as collateral, and after he promised never to show it to anyone, I agreed.”
Nodding with understanding, Lily prodded Harriet for more, after a long breath, Harriet confessed all: the trips she would take to his house, and the kindness he showed her. Harriet admitted that she thought it was all in good stride, that it was nothing more than a business arrangement, until she learned about his mother.
“She had an affair, Lily,” Harriet said mournfully, “and left him when he was a child. His Father was so sorrowful that he drank himself to death. And to add salt to his wounds, his intended deserted him on his marriage day.”
“Heaven’s mercies!” Lily exclaimed. “The poor man!”
Dabbing at her eyes with the back of one hand, Harriet nodded, “Knowing that, I believed he was impervious to love, or affection of any kind until I saw the signs. I did not want to believe them because I believed he was only acting under some sort of misplaced care. That it was all because he wanted to save me from myself.”
“And you fell in love with him,” Lily sighed as her hand kept rubbing Harriet's arm soothingly. “What a kerfuffle you've found yourself in, Dear. That was a dangerous game you played, and it ricocheted on you.”
Harriet could only utter a disparaging laugh.
“I thought you understood that games such as those are never as simple as they seem. Your mind might think it's one thing while you're exploring, but your body feels it's love unexplored. Lovemaking and logic rarely go together.”
Harriet then dropped the last secret, “The engagement was only to ensure we could be with each other at unsupervised times so we could dabble. We agreed to break it once I learned enough to be a seductress. Now, that we're being forced to marry, how will that end?”
Lily's brows darted up, “Oh, you poor Dear, you can't see the forest for the trees, can you? I don't see a problem here. If you do love each other, why not truly marry?”
“But the arrangement—”
“Dash the agreement,” Lily huffed. “You have a chance for a real connection, why are you…” Lily paused, while a strange and troubled look deepened her expression, “unless, it is that you're scared.”
The pallid sheen on Harriet's face gave Lily her answer. Drastically concerned, Lily asked, “What's wrong, Harriet? What are you afraid of?”
“I can't…” Harriet trailed off with a grimace, “I can't tell you why.”
“Why not?” Lily coaxed. “Again, I won't judge you.”
“I want to tell you but I feel foolish,” Harriet kept her gaze away. “I'm afraid that it'll be everything other than that dream I want it to be.”
“Is that fear the reason you'd prefer to be a Cyprian than a lady? A fear that intimate love isn't true and the best you'll ever have is to be a mistress?” Lily uttered in disbelief.
Clenching her eyes tight, Harriet replied, “Now that you've said it, it feels hollow and cold, but yes, a part of me did.”
Looking grave, Lily folded her hands on her lap, “Frankly, I'm astonished and disheartened by hearing that. I thought you had more self-worth—” she held up her hands. “I know it sounds judgmental, but I'm shocked, Harriet. You know I only want the best for you.”
The door opened and Aunt Barbara came shuffling in. Instantly, Harriet tensed. She didn't want to hear her Aunt's lecture, or be guilted into submission.
“Lily, Dear, would you give me a moment with my niece? Thank you.”
Lily stood and gave Harriet a tight embrace, “It'll be all right, Harriet.”
Unable to reply, Harriet only gave her friend a nod and a tight smile. She understood what Lily was saying, and while doubt rested heavily on her heart that she and Daniel could have a good marriage based on false pretenses, a flicker of hope still broke through the gloom of doubt. There was no room for Daniel to break the engagement at that point, and perhaps, that was a good thing.
Aunt Barbara, placed her cane to the side of the settee and sat. “Harriet, Dear, will you tell me what's bothering you?”
Her lips flattened, although Harriet was sure her Aunt knew why she was angry, it could bear repeating.
“Ben overreached his power, there was no reason to force us to marry so soon. We were going on fine, on our own course. There was no rush to the altar, because…” she broke off and bit her lip. Harriet flickered a look at her Aunt. “I don't know if I should tell you, Daniel's past is private.”
Aunt Barbara tapped Harriet's knee, “I already know, Dear. Ben told me the unfortunate events. But Harriet, Ben had all the right to force the issue. It wasn't right for you two to be away from public view—”
