Page 51 of A Courtesan Countess Worth the Scandal
It was not as though she would judge him for being formerly married, so he did not know why he felt compelled to keep the truth from her. He supposed, in a way, it made him feel foolish, for he had made such a bold statement about his belief in the sacredness of marriage. If she were to discover that he had failed in his own, perhaps she would think less of him… or something of that ilk.
“She must think me a madman for striding out of there like that,” he continued to grumble. “What if she refuses my suggestion, for fear that I am just another inscrutable gentleman who might turn on her at any moment? Oh, goodness, I pray she does not. Please, say that I have not ruined her chance for safety.”
He rested his head against the gloomy, varnished interior of the carriage and tried not to let his scattered thoughts get the better of him. But how could he not think about Élodie when he was forming a plan to go to Keswick Manor? The place where all of his troubles had truly begun. Why, he would not even be considering it if it were not for the greater good of helping the Black family.
“Am I about to make another grave mistake?” He gazed out of the window, where a sunlit Mayfair rattled by. The warm illumination should have filled him with comfort, heralding a good omen, but he felt nothing but worry.
If I am to go back there, I may as well make it a worthwhile endeavor.
Perhaps, having the company of a woman who had managed to melt away some of the ice upon his heart would be enough to chase away the shadows that lingered in the Manor. Perhaps, if he could just see his family home through a newcomer’s eyes, it would not seem so bad.
Well, if Nora agreed, he supposed there was no way he would be able to back out. If that did not provide the impetus needed to face his demons, then he did not know what would.
* * *
“Who was that?” Nora’s mother entered the drawing room with a curious look upon her face. “And what are you doin’ out of your bedchamber, hmm? You know you ain’t supposed to be.”
Nora kept her gaze upon the flickering flames of the nearby fire. “I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to agree with whatever I say. You aren’t going to like it, and I know you’ll want to argue, but if you don’t do as I ask, it might cost us all dearly.”
Her mother walked over to where she sat and filled the chair that Liam had just vacated. “What’s the matter, My Girl? Is it your leg? Do you need me to get the physician to come back?”
“It’s not my leg.” Nora raised her head. “Well, not exactly. It’s about how my leg got injured.”
Taking a deep breath, Nora finally told her mother the truth of what had happened on that country road. She had also neglected to mention her memoirs, and what she intended to do with them. She had thought she was doing the right thing by keeping it to herself but, now, she realized this involved her family as much as it involved her.
“There’s one in the scandal sheets today, and I’m not planning to stop,” she said, coming to the end of her story. “These are my stories, and they need to be told. But I won’t put you at risk for the sake of it. That’s why we have to leave London. Lord Keswick has offered to let us stay at his country manor, and we should accept, for he’s someone I’ve come to trust.”
For a painfully long time, her mother did not say anything. She just sat there in the armchair, staring down at the floor, her face and her demeanor unreadable. Still, Nora braced for an onslaught.
“It’s your right to make ‘em pay, My Girl,” her mother murmured, at last. “You’re the one what’s suffered terribly because of ‘em. If I were you, and I knew my letters, I’d do the same.”
Nora gasped in shock. “What? You’re not angry?”
“Why would I be?” Her mother shook her head sadly. “I know I’ve played my part in what happened to you, My Girl. I know I’ve enjoyed the luxuries that your work has bought. I know I’ve stayed quiet when I should’ve spoken out, but I didn’t want to make things worse for you. I didn’t want you to hate yourself for what you were doin’. I’ve no right to be cross, but if you can make ‘em pay in a different way, I’ll do whatever you need me to.”
“Even though it means we’ll have to leave London for a while?” Nora could not fathom what she was hearing. All this time, and after her mother’s reluctance when she had told her she was leaving the courtesan trade, she had expected more of a protest.
Her mother mustered a small shrug. “It’s a small price to pay. I can’t promise I’ll like it, but… anythin’ to keep me girls safe and our future an’ all.” She squared her shoulders. “And don’t expect me to like this Lord Keswick, neither. All men are the same, whether they be rich, poor, or anythin’ in between. So, I’ll be polite and grateful enough, but if he so much as looks at you queer, I’ll not hesitate to box his ears.”
Nora chuckled softly. “He’s not so bad. Hedidsave my life.”
“I don’t want to hear any daughter of mine talkin’ like that. Where there’s men, there’s trouble. It’s best to protect yourself and keep ‘em at arm’s length,” her mother insisted. “If there’s somethin’ you can’t do yourself, then ask a man for help, by all means, but don’t let him think he’s gettin’ aught in return. You should know that better than anyone, by now.”
But what if there was one man who made you think differently, just for a short while?
Seeing Liam again had reminded her of why she had added the parting sentiment to her latest installment in the scandal sheets. She wanted the ladies of England to have some hope that it was not all doom and gloom. But it was something of a vicious circle, she supposed. Women fell in love, were spurned, and became bitter inside, vowing never to love again. Just like her mother.
All of a sudden, Nora reached forward and took her mother’s hands in hers. “What happened to you, Ma? Why do you hate men so much? Don’t mistake me, I don’t care for them either, but… you must have loved Pa, once upon a time.”
“I did, and that were the problem.” Her mother seemed to shrink before Nora’s eyes. “Loved him more than I know how to put into fancy words. Loved him since I were a girl meself. When I were… ten or so, I vowed to meself that it’d be yer Pa or no one.”
Nora gave her mother’s hand a squeeze. “Will you tell me your story, Ma?”
“I can tell you what I learned,” the older woman replied. “You can’t make someone love you as much as you love ‘em, and you can’t make someone stay if they’ve already got one foot out of the door. And once they’re gone, don’t you ever let ‘em back in again.”
Nora raised a curious eyebrow. “Did you do that, Ma? Did you let Pa back in again?” She glanced toward the door, in case Lily was out in the entrance hall, eavesdropping on their conversation. “Is that how Lily came to be?”
Nora had often wondered why her little sister resembled her so much, if they had different fathers. Part of her had guessed it was due to their mother, but what if it was not? What if they looked similar because they had come from the same stock?
