Page 64 of A Courtesan Countess Worth the Scandal
“I cannot help it. I have tried in vain to distract my mind from thoughts of you, not because I deem you to be unworthy or anything of that ilk, but because I feared your rejection,” he explained, panting. “How could you open your heart to any man, after the torture that has been inflicted upon it? But now, I see, there is a chance for us.”
She grabbed his face and kissed him with all the new-found delight within her, pulling him back down until their bodies were flush against each other. She even went so far as to wrap her legs around his waist, so he would not have to lie awkwardly at her side as he gave her his slow, sensual kisses.
“I am falling in love with you, too,” she confessed, so happy she thought her heart might burst out of her chest. And yet, deep down, her mother’s warning echoed in her head,“Be careful, Love.”Was she being too rash in her admission of affection? Was she setting herself up for disaster? Just for this moment, she did not care. All of that could be worried over later.
A slight gasp escaped her throat as his hips moved against her, following the motion of his kiss. Even through the fabric of her ruffled-up skirts, she could feel a hardness protruding from his trousers, pressing between her thighs. It did not frighten her, for this was not a violent encounter. Still, she was not yet ready to allow him inside her, nor did she know when she would be at ease enough to join their bodies in that way.
We must take this one step at a time, My Love. You must be patient with me, for kissing is one thing, but that… well, it’s quite another.
And yet, there was plenty to be enjoyed without the sensation of his manhood filling her silken sheath. His hand, moving across the peaks of her breasts and massaging them with tantalizing tenderness, for one. Stirred by his sharp, ragged breaths, her hips bucked upward to meet his, and a moan slipped from her lips as his hardened length grazed against the underside of her sex. A promising sign of things to come, but not yet.
“I didn’t know I could feel this way,” she panted, her back arching as his kiss dipped to her bosom. His fingertips peeled away the restrictive barrier of her gown’s neckline, and the stays beneath, before his mouth closed over one eager nipple and sucked gently.
He groaned against her smooth skin. “Nor did I. I did not know a kiss could be so… overwhelming, in the best possible way.” Suddenly, he drew his mouth away from her nipple, and restored her garments to their former position.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” Anxiety bristled through her as she noticed the somewhat sad gleam in his eyes. After the ardor he had inspired within her, not a moment ago, it was not the expression she had expected to see.
“Not at all.” His mouth caught hers in one last, lingering press, before he brought his head up. “However, there really is something I must tell you. You have a right to know, and I am somewhat baffled that you have not already discovered the truth from the servants of this household.” He paused, visibly nervous. “But I am somewhat relieved that you will hear it from me.”
She caressed his cheek with the tips of her fingers. “What truth?”
Has he lied to me? Please, please, please say he hasn’t. I won’t be able to bear it if I find out that he’s just the same as all the others. Not now.
Every possible issue raced through her mind, making her stomach roil in discomfort. And she could not shake the awful sensation that she had just been fooled into intimacy again, as she had been when she was a young woman of eight-and-ten. But he was not like that… was he? He would not do that to her, after she had confessed everything… would he?
“I… I have been married before,” he said softly. “But before you denounce me as a cad and a bounder, you must know my reasons for keeping that from you.” He drew in a shaky breath. “It is not something I feel able to freely discuss, as it was a terrible period in my history that tore my heart to ribbons.
“You see, my former… wife betrayed me with countless lovers. I happened upon her in bed with one such lover, five years ago, and realized that I had been tricked and made into a fool for so long, believing she loved me when she was merely using my wealth and title to do as she pleased.” His voice trembled slightly as he spoke.
Nora’s mouth fell open in disbelief. Though she knew she ought to have felt some anger or sadness at being deceived, those emotions would not come. Instead, she felt a wash of something akin to relief, for his admission confirmed that her worst fear was unfounded, he had not fooled her in order to take something from her.
A moment later, sympathy overwhelmed her relief, for his story was the same as her mother’s, and she would never have judged her mother harshly for hiding the truth of her pain from others. That was her right, just as it was his. And, like she had buried her own torments as deep as possible, it seemed he had done the same.
That’s how his heart got broken. That’s why he wanted to avoid marriage and love and women… because he has been severely burned by them before.
“I met her in France, while I was holidaying there with my Uncle. She was wounded from an unknown battleground, and I took pity upon her. That pity transformed into affection,” he went on, “and I thought she shared in what I thought was my love for her. Indeed, she was sweet, and amusing, and caring… until she revealed her true nature, and I understood that her demons had come to my Manor with her.”
Nora nodded in understanding. “She was hurt by men, I’d bet my life on it. I was lucky, I had family and a purpose to see me through my torment, but she must’ve lost everything.” Despite the revelation of his former wife’s betrayal, she found herself feeling a flood of sympathy for the woman. “And I know what such things can do to a mind. It can make a woman crazed beyond recognition.”
Liam sighed. “I did not understand that until I met you and heard your stories. I thought her entirely evil, in the end, but now I see that she was just wounded in ways that could not be healed with any amount of love.” His thumb stroked the curve of her neck. “And while it is true that I should never have married her, for pity is no reason to marry someone, there is a part of me that is glad she had a brief reprieve from the horrors of her homeland.”
Nora swallowed uncomfortably, as the stars twinkled beyond Liam’s broad shoulders. “What happened to her, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“She died,” he said, a note too fast. “There was an… accident on the stairs the night I discovered her infidelity. She fell down the staircase and struck her head on the hard floor below. There was nothing anyone could do for her.”
With the passionate moment gone, Nora pushed against Liam’s chest and resumed her seated position at his side. How could they continue to kiss and wrap themselves around one another, with such a ghost hanging over them? Indeed, it would take some time for Nora to come to terms with what Liam had told her. Not because she now hated him, but because she had to contemplate the idea of taking a dead woman’s place.
“You despise me—” Liam hung his head in obvious shame. “I suppose it is better that you hate me, knowing the truth, than having you continue to feel affection for me in the midst of a lie such as this.”
Nora took his face in her hands. “I don’t hate you in the slightest, Liam, but I’m not going to resume our embrace with so many sad thoughts whirling around in my head.” She mustered a smile. “I am sorry for all you suffered, and I am sorry that she couldn’t find peace. Still, my feelings have not altered.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “They have not?”
“You were honest when it mattered. You could have continued to lie to me, as plenty of men would have done, but you did not.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead. “And I understand that, when we spent that snowy night together, you did not know me well enough to tell me such a tragic tale.”
His eyes remained closed, as though he were holding onto the touch of her kiss against his skin. “It is also that I felt shame, declaring my views on the sanctity of marriage, while being in possession of a failed, heart-rending union.”
“I know,” she replied, having already garnered as much. For someone with such a large secret, he was not particularly good at hiding his emotions. Almost instantly, she had realized that, for a man such as him, who held love, fidelity, and marriage in the highest esteem, it would have been a colossal blow to his entire belief system to see his marriage end in such a terrible way.
