Page 26 of The Marchioness of his Desire
This was not the wedding night she had envisaged, the tantalizing thoughts of possibility coming to nothing, and her mind still curious as to the full knowledge of carnal pleasures. There had been no passion, no fulfilment of desire, not even a kiss goodnight, and as Rebecca fell asleep, it was with a heavy heart and the weight of regret hanging over her.
* * *
“May we ride out in the carriage today?” Laura asked as the two of them sat eating breakfast the next morning.
Rebecca was barely listening to her sister, caught up in brooding over why Nicholas had not come to her the night before. She had barely touched her food, informed by Mrs. Thrip that, once again, Nicholas would take the meal in his study.
“Some more coffee, your Ladyship?” the housekeeper asked as Rebecca looked up in surprise.
“What? Oh, yes, please. What did you say, Laura?” she asked, turning to her sister, who looked at her with an exasperated expression upon her face.
“May we go out in the carriage today? We could go to Piccadilly,” Laura said, and Rebecca nodded.
“This afternoon, perhaps, though I feel quite tired this morning,” she replied, and Laura folded her arms.
“But you promised that when we left our uncle’s house, we would be able to do lovely things and go to wonderful places,” she said, and Rebecca sighed.
“And we will, but perhaps not today. Be a good girl and play in the nursery today or read a book in the library. There are so many books to choose from that you will surely never get bored,” Rebecca said, and Laura excused herself from the breakfast table and hurried out of the dining room.
“She will soon find her feet here, ma’am,” Mrs. Thrip said, and Rebecca nodded.
“Did his Lordship give a reason for taking his breakfast in the study?” she asked, and the housekeeper shook her head.
“I did not dare ask, your Ladyship; he seemed so depressed and dejected. For a man who has just married a beautiful bride, it is strange behavior,” she said and bustled back into the kitchen.
Rebecca sat and thought for a moment; it was clear that something was very wrong, either with her or with Nicholas. He had done the honorable thing and proposed marriage, but had it come at the cost of his own happiness? The terrible thought of another woman went through her mind, and she wondered if he now regretted the vows that they had made just the day before.
But failing to confront her fears would only lead to further heartache, so rising from the table, she made her way to Nicholas’s study, pausing outside the door to listen. She could hear him writing, the quill scratching upon the page, and the smell of fresh coffee lingering in the corridor. She took a deep breath and knocked, hoping to find the words with which to speak with him.
“You can leave the tray, Mrs. Thrip,” he called out, but Rebecca was not about to be cowed, and without waiting for further invitation, she pushed open the door.
Nicholas looked up in surprise and anger, about to chastise whom he thought was the housekeeper. But when he saw it was Rebecca, his face flushed with embarrassment, and he laid down his quill and began to make excuses about how busy he was.
“Not too busy to speak with your wife of a mere day,” she said, closing the door behind her and advancing toward the desk.
“Rebecca, I am sorry, but I must finish this correspondence,” he said, but she shook her head and fixed him with an angry gaze.
“They can wait. You have done nothing but ignore me since we arrived here. What am I to do? Do I have a husband or not?” she asked, and he frowned at her.
“Of course, you have a husband. Did we not pronounce the vows together?” he said, and she put her hands upon her hips and frowned back at him.
“The vows are not the end; there must be a fulfilment of them. Do you not see that?” she asked, and he placed his head in his hands and sighed.
“Rebecca, this marriage, the two of us, it is … well, it is not what others might think,” he began, but Rebecca was growing angrier.
She seized his pile of correspondence and tossed them over the floor, placing her hands flat upon the desk and facing him.
“You told me that you loved me,” she said, fighting back the tears.
“And I do love you, it is just … well, all of this, it is taking some getting used to,” he stuttered.
“You did not even come to me last night. I waited for you. I wanted you. I wanted to feel that same passion we felt together in the library on that fateful night, the passion which has led to this marriage. I rejected Edward for you, and now you behave as though I am an inconvenience,” she cried.
“I … I am sorry. It has weighed heavily upon my heart, all of this. You see, I am to leave for the colonies again soon and …” he began, but at these words, Rebecca let out an agonized cry, almost falling back in disbelief at his words.
“The colonies? But why? How could you propose marriage in the full knowledge that you were to leave us? To leave me. I would have been far better off had I not married you, for all I have received so far is heartache and pain,” she cried, banging her fist down upon the desk.
Nicholas rose to his feet and hurried to put his arm around her as she sobbed.
