Page 14 of The Virgin in the Rake's Bed
“I am quite within my faculties, thank you,” Catherine assured her, as the two of them looked at one another with anxious expressions.
“Catherine, we have been talking, and this ruse… it seems…” Rebecca began, but Catherine interpreted her.
“Like an excellent idea, yes, I agree,” she said, taking a sip from the cup of tea which Rebecca had just placed in her hands.
“They say that a lie perpetuates itself. And what does your father think of it all? He seemed too shocked for words last night,” Samantha said, shaking her head and sighing.
“Granted, he is not happy,” Catherine replied, and she explained to her two friends just what her father had said that morning.
“And will he find anything?” Rebecca asked, after Catherine had finished telling them how her father intended to discover something scandalous about Ian.
“I do not think so, for he treats that which is scandalous as something merely to be laughed over. I do not think any woman could hold something against him, unless he has an illegitimate child,” she said, glancing at Rebecca, who gave a start.
She knew all about such accusations, after Nicholas had been accused of fathering a child with a woman of the most dubious association. “Let us not think of such things. But surely Ian is not happy with the prospect of being dragged into all this?” Rebecca asked.
“He seems happy enough with the arrangement. It does not seem to concern him. I am to see him tomorrow for a walk in the park,” Catherine said, and now Rebecca and Samantha both rolled their eyes.
“Catherine, do you not see what is happening?” Samantha asked, and Catherine shook her head. There was nothing untoward about a walk in the park, not from her perspective, at least.
“We are to walk in the park, that is all,” she retorted, and Samantha sighed.
“It is not that, but think about it. You hardly know him, and you claim this to be a deception, and yet you call on him today and arrange to meet him tomorrow. Are you sure your feelings for him are not getting carried away?” she asked.
Catherine paused for a moment. She had not considered her feelings in the matter, so caught up had she been in extracting herself from the disastrous betrothal which would have been hers had Ian not so graciously agreed to her outrageous plan. Her feelings for Ian were not important, or so she told herself, and besides, which feelings was Samantha referring to? Surely not romantic feelings. The kiss she and Ian had shared had been pleasant enough. But it could not go further, or could it…?
“I do not know what you are talking about,” she said, straightening up and turning her head away, lest the expression on her face betray the truth that her feelings on the matter were somewhat confused.
“Oh, Catherine, what nonsense, of course you do. It is the same set of feelings which have gotten us all into trouble over the years, though mercifully Samantha and I have found happiness through them. That is all that we want for you, and this odd situation will do nothing to help you. But you have not yet answered the question, are your feelings getting carried away?” Rebecca asked.
Catherine felt backed into a corner, and she knew her friends would not take no for an answer. She sighed, turning to them, unable to disguise the slight smile which such thoughts raised in her.
“Truthfully, I find him attractive, and I was not averse to our sharing a kiss. But I do not intend for anything more than a convenience to exist between us,” she said, not desiring to admit that her feelings had somewhat gotten the better of her.
It was not that she had fallen in love with Ian – far from it, for they hardly knew one another – but the potential to fall in love was certainly in the back of her mind, and she knew that if she did not keep her feelings in check, they could easily run away from her. Catherine was not averse to marriage, but neither did she view it as the crowning achievement of womanhood, a goal to be attained at any cost.
Instead, she had desired to avoid the possibility as far as possible until such a time as was presented to her a gentleman whom she wished to make her own. It would be her decision and hers alone. No one else would dictate her feelings and if she wished for them to run away with her, then so be it. She liked Ian, and she liked he was willing to play along with her plans, but as far as romantic attachment was concerned, she knew it was dangerous to allow her feelings to get carried away.
“Well, if you are sure,” Samantha said, though from the tone of her voice she sounded skeptical.
“I am quite sure. Thank you,” Catherine replied.
She did not like to be accosted in such a way, and especially by the two people she considered her closest friends. If she fell in love, then that was her business, but she had no intention of doing so. Ian was a welcome distraction, a reminder that even though she had been promised to a far older man, those of a younger disposition might still find her alluring.
“We only want what is best for you, Catherine,” Rebecca assured her, repeating her words of the previous evening.
“And for you to be happy,” Samantha interjected.
“I know you do, and for that I am grateful. You have both been the dearest of friends to me, really, you have,” she said, smiling at them both.
“But you still intend to continue with this ruse, despite the fact it will lead to heartache?” Rebecca said.
“There will be no heartache, I assure you, for I shall be guarded with my feelings,” she said, as much to herself as to them.
Catherine knew she could be easily carried away by a flight of fancy. That morning she had thought of the kiss which she and Ian had shared, even as they sat together in his library, and she was desirous of its repeat, even to feel the excitement of a kiss snatched in secret. But one kiss so easily led to another, and Catherine knew that to fall into such folly would be a disaster.
“If you are sure,” Samantha said, and Catherine nodded.
“I am sure, and tomorrow is merely a walk in the park.
