Page 31 of The Virgin in the Rake's Bed
“Then I look forward to seeing you again,” he replied, and Catherine gave an exaggerated curtsey.
“But who shall seduce whom, now?” she asked, and she put her hand on his chest, tracing a trail down it, smiling up at him as she did so.
“You have been given your lessons, it is up to you if you desire it,” he said, just as a knock came at the door.
It was Redbrand, the butler, announcing that Plotinus was growing restless in the drawing room and asking his master if he would soon be taking him for a walk. “Or shall I allow him free reign of the gardens, sir?” the butler asked.
Catherine took this as her cue to leave, promising to return the day after next to continue their lessons. “I hope I shall find something to teach you,” Ian said, and Catherine nodded.
“I think there is much still to learn,” she replied, and leaning up she kissed him on the lips, their hands lingering together, before so bid him farewell.
* * *
Ian was confused. The intimacy he had shared with Catherine that afternoon had been pleasant, to say the least, but as he walked with Plotinus through the gardens, he could not help but wonder if he had made a mistake. It had been pleasurable to be seduced, for there was no doubting that Catherine had done just that, but his feelings for her were growing stronger by the moment, and he knew that if he did not keep them in check, then he would soon find himself in love with her.
“Or am I already in love with her, Plotinus?” he asked.
Plotinus was sniffing a scent in the long grass by the orchard, and he looked up and barked as Ian followed him. The thought of being in love made Ian feel uneasy. He had already broken every single one of his rules, rules which had been made to avoid such situations from arising. Ian had always been so firm with himself, and he had avoided such feelings for so long that it felt strange to be experiencing them again now. He had not spoken of his brother and Cassandra so openly before – not with someone he barely knew – but with Catherine it had seemed easy, natural, even, and Ian had found nothing but sincerity about her, a sincerity to which he was attracted.
“But I cannot be in love,” he told himself, cursing himself for being so foolish as to allow his feelings to get the better of him.
He followed Plotinus amongst the fruit trees for a while, pink and white blossom falling like snow all around him. He was scared of falling in love, scared of what such feelings might do to him, and there and then he resolved to take a step back, to impose a new set of rules on himself, rules that would force his feelings for Catherine to be tempered and put in their proper place. She was searching for a husband, and whilst Ian had been happy to play the role as a ruse, he knew he could not possibly follow through with it, could he?
“I have been a fool, Plotinus, for what do I want with a woman? I shall only be hurt again. No, you are my only intimate, the one companion I can trust with all my secrets,” Ian said, reaching down and ruffling the dog’s neck, surprised by the force of the feelings in his heart and determined to bring them under control as best he could.
Chapter Seventeen
“Iwill not deny liking it,” Catherine said, as Rebecca and Samantha looked at one another and giggled.
“Goodness me, Catherine, do you really mean that he…?” Samantha said, and Catherine laughed.
“Do not play the prude with me, Samantha. After all, you are the one who fooled around with a pirate on board his ship,” she said, and Samantha laughed.
“But there was genuine feeling, there. We were in love, and we are married now,” she replied.
Catherine felt quite hurt by these comments, and she scowled at Samantha, who developed a sudden intense interest in the contents of her teacup. The three women were taking tea in Catherine’s salon, and Catherine had just finished explaining some of the details of her encounter with Ian the day before.
“And there is genuine feeling here, too. How could we possibly have done these things if there was not?” she asked, as though challenging her friends to contradict her.
“He did say he was in love with you. But do you believe it?” Rebecca asked.
“I… I do not know,” Catherine admitted.
She had been pondering this since the previous day. She and Ian had shared so much. They were behaving like a couple betrothed, to any observer they were just that, and yet their bond was built not on the declaration of love, but on a deception, a ruse which, though of great benefit, was simply that.
“Surely, he has given some indication, even in the throes of passion?” Samantha asked, and Catherine thought back to the way in which Ian had held her, the tenderness of his touch, the manner in which he had kissed her. If that was not sincere, then she wondered what possibly could be. How else did a gentleman show his affection, she wondered?
“He has behaved as surely any many would if he were in love, and yet he has not uttered those words, nor given any indication of his actions as anything other than part of our game,” she admitted, feeling thoroughly confused.
“The time has come to set the matter straight, Catherine. You must speak to him, tell him how you feel,” Rebecca said, and Samantha agreed.
“Rebecca is entirely right, Catherine, otherwise this pattern of tea and tragedy will only continue,” Samantha said, taking a sip from her cup and fixing Catherine with a firm gaze.
“I would have spoken with him yesterday, but things became… heated,” Catherine replied.
“It certainly seems. Will you see him today?” Rebecca asked, and Catherine shook her head.
“Not today, no, but tomorrow I will. We are to take a walk together in the park,” Catherine replied.
