Page 37 of Denying a Rakish Duke
Joseph leaned over her, kissing her shoulder as his climax finished, and he covered her in warmth. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him as he removed himself. Collapsing on her bed, he tucked her up under his arm and cradled her to his chest. He pressed his lips to her forehead with a contented smile. “You—” He shook his head and draped an arm over his eyes.
Vanessa smiled and settled in closer to him. She could not profess to fully understand what happened. It was everything that her mother and sisters claimed that it would be, and despite the lingering tenderness of new muscles being used for the first time, she thought to herself that if this was the way that it was supposed to be with one’s husband, then she could enjoy being a wife very much.
“I could come to enjoy being a wife,” she mused with a smile. She looked up at him happily, even more pleased to see him looking down at her with the same reverence.
“I am not finished with you yet, my dear Duchess— give me but a moment, and I can further your education on the joys of copulation.”
Vanessa kissed the closest bit of skin to her lips and nodded. “My mother said that coming together as husband and wife helped her end many arguments with my father over the years, and I suppose that now I can see why.”
Joseph laughed and nodded. “Yes, that would be a very effective means of conflict resolution. Are you suggesting that I need to have my way with you every time that you are cross with me?”
Vanessa shook her head. “No, you could always tell me how pretty I am and buy me nice things, but I think that I would prefer declarations of love or to be in your arms like this as opposed to new gowns or jewels.”
Joseph paused, unsure how to take her words. She did not notice the shift in him, not at first, as she angled her chin upward to smile prettily at him. It struck him then how beautiful she was, her stunning eyes that made him prisoner to her, the way her loose tendrils of hair were sweat dampened to her forehead. He knew that she spoke no lie, she meant nothing other than what she said. He could see just how easily it was to become lost to moments like this— and warning bells went off in his mind.
Never before had another been so content with him. His mistresses were certainly pleased with their endeavors, and he never left a lady wanting— but he knew what they wanted from him. They wanted flowery words and money. They wanted nice gifts and to have the safety of being properly cared for— and Vanessa proclaimed to want the very opposite. He did not know how to process such unconditional affection.
“Should you like that, Husband?” Vanessa turned inside of his arms, running her finger up the lines of muscle that made up his chest. “Would you like for me to tell you how much I have come to love you in such a short while?” Her voice was teasing, but she meant it. Her heart hammered in her chest from the confession that she could not and did not want to take back.
Joseph’s eyes widened— and she rethought her tactics as he pulled himself out from underneath her. He moved into the cold air of the chamber and shook his head. The idea that she could love him, really love him, in spite of everything that he had done and how poorly he had treated her, frightened him. “I am not the sort of man that you should love— with my behavior and proclivities, Vanessa, you should tolerate me at best.”
“What?” Vanessa sat up, but Joseph was already moving to the door.
“I must go. I am sorry.” Joseph offered no other words of explanation— and left the chamber quickly.
ChapterTwenty-Two
“Where are you going?” Vanessa called after Joseph.
She tried to ignore the stab of emotional pain that lanced through her the moment that he got up to leave. Vanessa scrambled from the bed on trembling legs and quickly grabbed for her robe. She pulled the garment on and knotted it quickly in front of her. Vanessa followed Joseph from the chamber and into the hallway.
“What happened? Why are you running from me?” she asked in a harsh whisper, pain seeping into her voice despite all of her best efforts to keep it from happening. Joseph would not turn to face her; he would not look in her direction at all. He seemed determined to leave as quickly as possible. He was running away from her, yet again. She could not stomach it. She stopped walking; her heart rose into her throat as she stared at his back. “Have I said something wrong?”
Joseph's steps faltered. He hesitated for only a moment before stopping entirely. His shoulders slumped, and he knew that he could not run away from this. He could not avoid it any longer. To leave her after such a confession … but how to face it? How to turn and say that he did not know what love was? He had never known it in his life. “No,” he said finally, turning to face her with a somber expression. “You have not said anything wrong.”
“Then … then why are you leaving like this?” Vanessa asked softly; she looked as if she was just barely containing tears. “Is this normal? Some customary thing that happens after a union where you must run back to your chamber? I do not understand. You seemed content to stay … and then—” she cut herself off, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth. “I have to presume that it is something that I have said that vexed you enough to make such a sudden departure.”
Joseph was at a loss. He blinked at her; he could not begin to explain to her the issues that he had with the traditional notion of love.
“If it is normal, and I am simply uneducated in the process that this is normally how things are handled, then say so, Your Grace, but otherwise please— do not leave me in suspense. Not again.” She hugged her robe around herself like a lifeline, as if the tightly wrapped fabric hugging her was the only thing keeping her in one piece.
He should have concealed himself better. He could lie, and for a moment, he almost did. He almost told her that it was perfectly normal for him to leave her in this way and return to his activities. She would not know better. He could have lied and said that he was simply exhausted or that he had his own affairs to attend to, but things were so fragile, and she had only just opened up to him. It was only right that he at least made an attempt to return the favor.
It frightened him how badly hedid notwish to lie to her any further.
“Joseph?” Vanessa asked, her voice hardly more than a whisper. There was not another sound to be heard in the entire Estate— nothing to be noted, no distractions, just the crackle of the fireplace in her chamber and his own breathing.
“You have done nothing wrong, Vanessa.”
“Then I demand to know why you are leaving in this way! Why are you … did I do something to displease you?”
He shook his head; he was messing things up again. He had already hurt her, and he was doing it again already. “No, please, you must understand. There are some things that I simply cannot give to you.”
“Like what?”
“Things that I should have been clearer about before we were married … but things happened so quickly, and you took me by surprise.” Anger flashed across her face now.
“What sort of things? What sort of things should you have told me? I cannot fathom anything that can possibly be worse than the torments I have already concocted inside of my own head! I thought that young Roderick wasyourchild earlier! Unless whatever you have to tell me is worse than having an entire secret family, I am fairly certain that I can handle it!”
