Page 61 of Five Nights with a Rakish Duke
Why had she run out of here so quickly?
“I am glad to be in London,” the Dowager said, looking around the room.
“You are?” he asked, remembering what she had said in her letters about needing a distraction.
“The country reminds me too much of your father. I need to think of something else for a while,” she explained as he took the seat beside her.
“Ah, you have not come to see me to ask if I have yet fulfilled my promise to my father then?”
“Can a woman not have two motives?” she teased with a mischievousness in her tone. Asher smiled; it was a brief sight of the woman she used to be before his father had died.
“That I cannot argue with,” he said and sat back on the settee as Walker brought in their tea. They waited until they were alone before speaking again. He asked her where she was staying and what she planned to do in town, startled to find that she had already designed many events for herself and sights to see across London. “You will have a busy time indeed.”
“It is what I need,” she said, sipping from her tea. “Now, to the second matter.” She turned in her seat, fixing him with her dark gaze another time. “Are you courting a young lady?”
“I am,” Asher said solemnly, nodding his head.
“I see this news does not make you smile,” the Dowager tilted her head to the side, narrowing her gaze. Her eyes returned to their old astuteness that they used to possess, making Asher shift in his seat. “Are you not fond of the lady?”
“I am happy to fulfill my promise to my father. Let us leave the matter at that –”
“How absurd,” she sharply cut him off before he could get any further. She had never interrupted him before. His stepmother was always such a proper lady, with spirit, yes, but a softness in her manner too. The sudden sharpness was not something he had seen before.
“Is something wrong?”
“Oh, where to begin!” she cried and placed her teacup and saucer down on the table. “Why are you courting a woman you do not care for?”
“Because I have a promise to keep,” he answered plainly.
“So, you are telling me that there is no other woman that you care for? No one has turned your head?” Her question made his eyes look down to the rug again, only this time, he couldn’t answer her. “Your silence speaks volumes. There is a lady.”
“I am courting Lady Margaret. That is the end of the matter.”
“Will she make you happy?”
“Marriage is not about happiness –”
“Can you hear yourself?” The Dowager stood to her feet so fast that Asher nearly dropped his teacup on the floor. He looked up to her in surprise, watching as her demure manner faded completely. “Tell me why you do this to yourself, Asher. Please.”
“Do what?”
“Condemn yourself to loneliness.”
“I will not be my father.” His simple answer took the sharpness out of her tone. He busied himself with sipping his tea before looking up to her again, seeing her eyes were narrowed on him.
“Your mother may have broken your father’s heart when she left you both, but your father never said he regretted marrying her. How could he? He wouldn’t have you if he hadn’t done so.” Her words flummoxed him, making him still with his hand over the teacup. “Despite what you think, your father and I married for love too.”
“I never said that you did not –” He hurried to excuse himself, pushing the teacup back on the tray, but she talked over him again.
“From the day we married, you avoided the two of us. I heard you once as well, talking to him of our marriage. You said that you didn’t understand how after what he went through, grieving for his broken heart, he would take the risk of marrying again.”
Asher froze. He could remember the conversation, but he had no idea he had been overheard.
“You want an answer to your question? Then I will give you one.” She placed her hands on her hips, staring down at him with vehement eyes. “He fell in love, and I fell in love with him. Your father knew that to fall in love was a gamble. It meant risking your heart and placing it in the hands of someone else, asking them to care for it for you. Yet it was a gamble he was always willing to take.”
Asher had no words. He had a feeling if he tried again, she would simply talk over him. Besides, he was too busy thinking of those words.
“Would you like to know why he was willing to take that gamble?” she asked. He opened him mouth to reply but didn’t get there in time. “It was because the happiness of being with someone you love outweighs the pain of being alone.”
