Page 63 of Five Nights with a Rakish Duke
“You do?” Penelope asked, looking up to her godmother.
“Your father always treasured one’s own happiness over money and assets. Quite surprising for an Earl that was as wealthy as he was, but he had his priorities in order. You and your mother, God rest her soul, were what he was devoted to. If anything ever hurt you, he would have moved heaven and earth to make it better.” Veronica smiled sadly. “I remember when you had fallen out with one of your friends when you were just a child. He was away on business and spent goodness knows how much money to come home and return to your side, just to comfort you.”
“He did?” Penelope said in surprise. “I do not remember that.”
“Probably because he wished to keep the expense a secret from you.” Veronica tucked another loose lock of Penelope’s hair behind her ear. “The point I’m trying to make, dearest, is that your father put your happiness above his wealth. Maybe it’s time you did the same. If you are confident that the Duke cannot love you back –”
“Five nights. That’s all he wants, Veronica,” Penelope said with strength, sniffing as she tried to stop her tears.
“Then do you want to see him again for this fifth night? Or will it merely cause more pain?”
Penelope thought long and hard about the words. Part of her longed to go back to Asher for a fifth night, to lose herself in his arms the way she had done the night before, but could she do that?
No, because I cannot trust myself.
She didn’t trust her body to resist him. She would probably capitulate and ask him to show her more of what they had experienced on the rug. What then? Was she willing to throw away her honor for one illicit night of love with Asher? She could imagine leaving his house after it was done, her heart cracking in two because he would have taken all he wanted of her and left her in love with him without any hope of being with him again.
“No, I do not think I can bear another night with him.” Penelope placed a hand to her chest, feeling the ache that lodged there. “I would have to say goodbye to him afterwards and watch him marry Margaret.”
“Then do not put yourself through that pain, Penelope,” Veronica said with strength. “Take control. Whilst I admire you for trying to get your estates back, I will not see it done if it means watching you cry like this every day. You must protect yourself from him.”
She nodded slowly, knowing Veronica was right. “I need to write to him to tell him our deal is off.”
“Very well, let me fetch you some paper and ink.”
Tea was brought in, and Penelope turned her face away from the maid, trying to dry her tears as Veronica went to fetch paper and ink. When all was set, Penelope sat beside a writing desk in the window that overlooked Veronica’s garden with an empty page staring back at her and a quill balanced between her fingers.
“What shall I say?” Penelope asked as Veronica went to pour her a cup of tea.
“The truth.” Veronica’s simple answer made Penelope flick her head toward her. “The truth can’t harm you now. He deserves to know what he has done to you, and why you cannot meet him again. Trust me, dearest. The truth is the right thing now.”
Penelope nodded and turned her head back to the parchment. For some time, she stared at the empty page, struggling with what words to say. When Veronica brought her the cup of tea, she spent some time sipping the comforting beverage, distracted from the thoughts of what to write at all. Eventually, the words came forward.
‘Dear Asher,
I scarcely know how to begin this letter, nor how to write what I really want to say, so forgive me my untidiness of scrawl. My heart aches too much to be able to write clearly.
I cannot meet you for our fifth night. I know by making this decision I have rendered our deal null and void. You get to keep my estates, Sea Holly House and Stag’s Hillside. Though I long for them to be returned to me, in the end the price I would have to pay is too high to make.
I expect you do not quite know the effect you have had on me, Your Grace, but I am content to confess to you now the full truth. I have fallen in love with you. The gift you bestowed upon me and what ensued have meant more to me than I can even explain with words, and it is because of this that I cannot see you again.
I cannot come to you for a fifth night, carrying my wounded heart with me. For I know when the fifth night is over, I will be discarded by you, and that wounded heart will shatter into pieces. The four nights we have shared together introduced me to a world I had not known existed, one with care, passion, and excitement, but I cannot share in a fifth. I must end it now and stop myself from further heartbreak.
I hope you will forgive me for ending our deal prematurely, but based on what you have read here, I hope you understand why I cannot go any further.
Yours, more than you know, Lady Penelope Burton.’
Once it was done, Penelope sat back and closed the parchment, sealing it quickly, deciding that once she was back home, she would deliver the letter into the butler’s hands and ask him to deliver it urgently to Asher’s door.
Yet as she lifted her teacup and drained what was left, the tears came again with the knowledge that whenever she saw Asher next, he would be on Margaret’s arm, not her own.
“Is all done, child?” Veronica asked softly from the other side of the room. Penelope turned in the chair and looked back to her godmother with a nod. “Good, let us hope this was the right decision.”
“Let us hope so.” Yet as Penelope pushed the letter away across the desk surface, she couldn’t stop wondering what Asher would think when he read the letter.
Chapter Twenty-One
“You have arrived at last!” Dorian declared loudly as Asher stepped through the door. “Ah, and who is this charming lady.” He turned and offered his hand to the Dowager Duchess.
