Page 56 of Her Wicked Duke
Her climax only solidified everything she had been thinking and realizing over these past weeks. She had feelings for Alexander and was ready to voice them, no matter what. His teasing from earlier only convinced her that he might return her feelings.
All she could hope for was that his feelings went beyond simply lusting for her.
Hers did. The more she talked with Alexander—despite the teasing and taunting—she found him to be an intelligent man with a keen eye, nothing like the dangerous Duke people said he was.
There were still things he had not been forthcoming about, like his past, and his family, and why he was so closed-off to her,but she could let that come afterwards. They had a history. She had waited for and watched him year after year, winter after winter, twirling a leaf of mistletoe between her fingers beneath the dinner table. She had always hoped he would show up.
“Alexander,” she whispered in the darkness of the carriage. It had come to a stop, but neither of them got out. She knew she simply needed to say it. “Alexander, I have feelings for you, which I hope you might share, and I wish to end our arrangement and make it a real courtship.”
For a second, he said nothing. He did not answer her. The carriage witnessed their silence and her words, and she could almost pretend like she hadn’t said anything.
She heard his sharp intake of breath. It made her heart sink to her stomach.
Suddenly, she did not want to know his answer.
Before he opened his mouth to answer, she placed her hand over his. “You do not have to say you don’t feel the same.”
Please, don’t say you don’t feel the same. Please, tell me you feel the way I do. That all those times in the study you looked for me, it was because you had feelings for me. Please tell me you’re honest when you say you care about me. Let it be more than friendly care.
But she couldn’t say all those things. Not now. She could not dare to be more vulnerable than she already was.
“Anne,” Alexander said, as if the words pained him so much. “Anne, I cannot marry anybody. Let alone ruin marriage for a woman as beautiful as you.”
Perhaps hearing that he did not like her would have been kinder than that.
“You said it yourself, once,” he added. “I am a dangerous, heartless man.”
“They were mere rumors,” she insisted. “Now, I know better.”
“And yet I still know myself to be terrible,” he said.
She could scarcely look at his face. She did not want to know whether she would see pity or self-deprecation there. How could he turn her away now? Had she confused his lust for something more? Had she become so brain-addled that she could not distinguish sexual attraction from anything else?
“Alexander, you say you are terrible, but you are the only man who has ever made me feel safe and protected,” she confessed. “You make me feel satisfied.” Desperately, she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her breast. She half wanted him to touch her and half wished him to feel her heart beat for him. “My feelings for you have grown.”
“Your feelings are wrong,” he snapped. “You still flirt with other men before me because you know the truth—they are far better for you than I ever will be. You told me yourself you want to be courted in public, not only in the shadows. You deserve better, Anne. A man who will pleasure you in the safety and comfort of your bedroom as well as in enjoyable secret.”
Anne pressed closer, hoping to remind him of what they had just done. “And we could have that,” she whispered.
Alexander’s jaw was tight as he shook his head. His thumb caressed the skin above her breast tenderly, almost longingly, before he pulled away. He pressed a kiss to that spot.
“There are far better men than me who can make you happy,” he murmured against her skin, kissing that spot again, hard, in a way that made her skin flush. It felt like a last touch before he pulled away completely. “I desire you, Anne, but there is no more to it than that. And you deserve that, and much more.”
Anne’s teeth clicked together in annoyance. She did not appreciate being told what she deserved and what she didn’t. She knew Alexander, despite his secrets or past, as she had her own secrets. But she did not keep them from him. From her mother and father to protect them, yes, but not from Alexander. However, just because she had shared hers, she had to understand he needed time to be ready to share his. She knew what sort of marriage she would be entering.
“Do you think I would confess my feelings if I did not feel like I know the sort of man that you are?”
“Anne—”
Suddenly, the carriage door opened, and the two of them sprung apart. Anne’s hands flew to her hair, checking that everything looked good and did not give what they were doing away.
In the door, Patrick Leeds stood, his face a picture of subtle shock. “Anne?” he said, looking between them.
Anne could only imagine how she looked. Discreetly, she tugged the neckline of her dress up, just in case.
“I apologize, I did not know you were here with His Grace. I noticed that your carriage was stationary out here for a while and thought something was wrong.”
More like something was very right and swiftly turned wrong.
